What now
Lately, I've felt...off. I've been seriously missing any sort of motivation to do anything, and when I have free time I squander it lying around watching movies and TV, and playing video games, the whole time feeling bad about it because I'm not doing anything. I'm beginning to realize how much I worry, and I'm beginning to realize to the full extent that I am somebody who always needs more. I have great friends, I'm on good terms with my entire family, I live comfortably and have a good job and go to school. What more could someone really ask for? I guess that I'm addicted to change. Change is what keeps people going, the thought of having something new. Whenever there is a hint that I might experience change, I begin to feel excited, and it makes me very happy. After that feeling dies down, I'm left with, well, myself again, back where I started. I'm not even sure what I want, or if it will even be enough when I get it. I'll spare myself the deep thoughts of "what the meaning of life" is and all that mind twisting bullshit that I've put myself through for my whole life. I'm not saying that I'm not content, I am, but I feel like I need a bigger satisfaction. Sometimes I guess being content just isn't enough. I used to have one clearly defined goal, which was love. Lately I just don't feel the push for that as I used to, and I feel like whatever love is will elude me forever. Maybe I'm just too picky, because I have yet to meet a person who I feel like I would be able to get that attatched to, and whose company I would enjoy so much that we could spend every moment together with each other and have it be bliss. Maybe I expect too much? Isn't love supposed to be the one size fits all fix up for everyone's life? Maybe I just think too much. Yeah, I do think to much, and I think myself out of things much too often. I've become better at not doing so lately, so I think I just need to apply that in this case as well. After all, I don't even know what I'm looking for in a person, so how can I really define what I don't think would fit me? I think I'm just lonely right now, I'm sure to feel better tomorrow though.