Let this last
Life is good and I am finding it so weird, even though I totally love it. I'm enjoying things that I never thought I'd enjoy - sitting out in the backyard soaking up the sun and walking to the beach! I've never been an outside girl...when did this change? I've even been cooking dinner (I made chicken with a reduction sauce and it turned out great!) a bit. My sleep is now pretty perfect thanks to Elavil and I feel fantastic most mornings for the first time in my entire life. Crazy!
It makes me scared, to tell the truth. I'm not used to my life going well and I worry that it won't last. I'm not used to being happy for long stretches of time. I've cried several times in the past week, afraid of waking up one day and it all being gone (Flowers for Algernon totally haunts me). It's good that I'm crying, though, and that I actually fear things. This is new - I've spent much of my teenage and adult life mostly numb. I now feel like a real person and I often times don't know what to do with myself (thank goodness David is so patient with me!!!). It will take me some getting used to; it will take some time to settle in to this version of me and my life and feel like this is the reality rather than the dream.
It makes me scared, to tell the truth. I'm not used to my life going well and I worry that it won't last. I'm not used to being happy for long stretches of time. I've cried several times in the past week, afraid of waking up one day and it all being gone (Flowers for Algernon totally haunts me). It's good that I'm crying, though, and that I actually fear things. This is new - I've spent much of my teenage and adult life mostly numb. I now feel like a real person and I often times don't know what to do with myself (thank goodness David is so patient with me!!!). It will take me some getting used to; it will take some time to settle in to this version of me and my life and feel like this is the reality rather than the dream.