Follow up on Les Mis
I spent a good 24 hours obsessed with Les Mis. I had forgotten just how important that story/musical was to me. My gut instinct is to admire Valjean for his heroic and selfless love. But he is a Christ-like martyr and I realize I how unsatisfying that is.
I laid in bed for hours thinking about what was sticking for me in this story. The problem is that Valjean while selflessly loving those around him, as well as humanity in general, refuses to let anyone love him. Other than the immense moment of grace and act of love that the bishop shows him, he refuses to let anyone in, to share his burdens. The daughter he loves so much and works so hard to protect, he refuses to reveal himself to. He has no peers, no confidants, no one supporting him. This story reinforces the myth that the greatest love is done alone.
Any yet, we are not alone. We find people who support us on our way, in our journeys. Marius sees in Cosette not just a beautiful face, but a person who cares for the poor, who has the trappings of privilege and yet still cares for the poor. He sees a partner. Valjean has no one and he dies as a martyr - nearly alone, until the people who love him in spite of his refusal to let them love him, arrive and comfort him in his last minutes.
While I want to love as radically as Valjean does, I don't want to shut myself off fromt he world or from the amazing people in my life. I have spent most of my years loving other people with little expectation in return, refusing to let others in, believing that my garbage would just stink up the place. But that's a lie. I martyred myself. It's codependent. Every time I've peeled away a layer Adam has been there. I've lost some people along the way, but that is not in my control.
I don't think Valjean is the pinnacle of virtue I once thought. I think he is fearful and selfish, *and he also loves in a way that is miraculous and beautiful*. The two sides are not exclusive. But I do not want one with out the other. I won't choose between loving with abandon and letting others love me. .....Because loving with abandon means also loving myself enough to say, I can be loved. I am not alone and I don't have to be.
This was a hugely important realization for me.
I laid in bed for hours thinking about what was sticking for me in this story. The problem is that Valjean while selflessly loving those around him, as well as humanity in general, refuses to let anyone love him. Other than the immense moment of grace and act of love that the bishop shows him, he refuses to let anyone in, to share his burdens. The daughter he loves so much and works so hard to protect, he refuses to reveal himself to. He has no peers, no confidants, no one supporting him. This story reinforces the myth that the greatest love is done alone.
Any yet, we are not alone. We find people who support us on our way, in our journeys. Marius sees in Cosette not just a beautiful face, but a person who cares for the poor, who has the trappings of privilege and yet still cares for the poor. He sees a partner. Valjean has no one and he dies as a martyr - nearly alone, until the people who love him in spite of his refusal to let them love him, arrive and comfort him in his last minutes.
While I want to love as radically as Valjean does, I don't want to shut myself off fromt he world or from the amazing people in my life. I have spent most of my years loving other people with little expectation in return, refusing to let others in, believing that my garbage would just stink up the place. But that's a lie. I martyred myself. It's codependent. Every time I've peeled away a layer Adam has been there. I've lost some people along the way, but that is not in my control.
I don't think Valjean is the pinnacle of virtue I once thought. I think he is fearful and selfish, *and he also loves in a way that is miraculous and beautiful*. The two sides are not exclusive. But I do not want one with out the other. I won't choose between loving with abandon and letting others love me. .....Because loving with abandon means also loving myself enough to say, I can be loved. I am not alone and I don't have to be.
This was a hugely important realization for me.