I have a daughter
(for miss_swamp)
I am pleased by this. Why? Why should it matter? There is no rational answer. When I was close to pushing her out I remember thinking 'Please be a girl so I don't have to do this again.' And now I have her and she's delicious.
But as I was sitting quietly and nursing her (as I do so often) the realization hit me: Oh my god, I have a daughter. One day I will have to shepherd her through menstruation. I have to give her the tools to grow up in a rape culture. She will be damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. And all the other pitfalls of being a female in the patriarchy. Oh god.
This in no way negates the challenges of raising a strong, healthy male in this world*. But the pitfalls aren't as deep if you're a male. Bennett can fuck up, but he can't ever get pregnant, his chances of rape/sexual abuse are SO MUCH smaller, the likelihood of self-harm and eating disorders and all that fun stuff are also smaller. It is easier to raise some one not to be an asshole than it is to protect some one from the assholes already out there. Bennett has the choice not to rape others, I can't protect Astrid from other rapists. Her safety in that regard is out of my control.
I may sound overly concerned with rape. Honestly the big moment for me came in thinking about periods, and what if she inherits the incapacitating cramps I had as a teen? I hope that she is more like me than like Adam. If she is as sensitive as he is I think being a woman will be much harder. My skin is thicker and my Fuck Off attitude more honed.
I always expected that I would parent boy and girl children the same, with of course taking into account each child's temperment and strengths/weaknesses/needs. I still intend to. But it will be interesting to see over time what is different.
*I also recognize that Bennett has a boat load of privilege on his side as well: he's white, raised by educated, middle class parents with upper-middle class aspirations and pretensions.
I am pleased by this. Why? Why should it matter? There is no rational answer. When I was close to pushing her out I remember thinking 'Please be a girl so I don't have to do this again.' And now I have her and she's delicious.
But as I was sitting quietly and nursing her (as I do so often) the realization hit me: Oh my god, I have a daughter. One day I will have to shepherd her through menstruation. I have to give her the tools to grow up in a rape culture. She will be damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. And all the other pitfalls of being a female in the patriarchy. Oh god.
This in no way negates the challenges of raising a strong, healthy male in this world*. But the pitfalls aren't as deep if you're a male. Bennett can fuck up, but he can't ever get pregnant, his chances of rape/sexual abuse are SO MUCH smaller, the likelihood of self-harm and eating disorders and all that fun stuff are also smaller. It is easier to raise some one not to be an asshole than it is to protect some one from the assholes already out there. Bennett has the choice not to rape others, I can't protect Astrid from other rapists. Her safety in that regard is out of my control.
I may sound overly concerned with rape. Honestly the big moment for me came in thinking about periods, and what if she inherits the incapacitating cramps I had as a teen? I hope that she is more like me than like Adam. If she is as sensitive as he is I think being a woman will be much harder. My skin is thicker and my Fuck Off attitude more honed.
I always expected that I would parent boy and girl children the same, with of course taking into account each child's temperment and strengths/weaknesses/needs. I still intend to. But it will be interesting to see over time what is different.
*I also recognize that Bennett has a boat load of privilege on his side as well: he's white, raised by educated, middle class parents with upper-middle class aspirations and pretensions.