(no subject)
fucking fuck fuck fuck, im so mad about almost everything right now. there was a while in my life when there was absolutley nothign that could bring me down and it seems like this past week all i have been is down. i hate my weight and my body. i hate how i thought i found the perfect guy for me and turns out everthing he told me was fucking fake. i dont know it for a fact but he once told me " your never getting old" well fuck, i guess i did cos you dont even give me the fucking time of day anymore. thanks. he also told me "i usually dont get attached but im already attached to you" its sad how i have hung on to everything he's said to me like it was true. i dont even get it.. one day you were fine and the next it was all fuckign screwed. what is it your so affraid of? that i might actually be something good for you? that maybe this could actually work?! honestly. thanks for being such a god damn fake and showing me that maybe all guys ARE the same. the saddest part of all of this is that if the time comes where you actually want me for real i'll be there.
or maybe i wont.
the worst of it all is my peice of shit for a cusin deicided to jsut fucking come over today. i was sitting outside with chelsea smoking a ciggarette and i see a truck driving up adn i didnt even think anything of it. but then i saw who it was and i ran inside. we locked the doors and i ran up stairs but chelsea and brennen answerd the door. apperently he was looking for my parents who werent there. when they were leaving chelsea said "fucking whore" and slammed the door. brennen said it was kind of like blue balls becos he wanted to kick his ass but didnt. i hate him. but i love chelsea and brennen.
i really dont know what to do with all of this. i realize by letting all of this get to me its not good. but i really dont know what to do. im tierd of acting like nothing phases me but sometimes its the only way i get by.
or maybe i wont.
the worst of it all is my peice of shit for a cusin deicided to jsut fucking come over today. i was sitting outside with chelsea smoking a ciggarette and i see a truck driving up adn i didnt even think anything of it. but then i saw who it was and i ran inside. we locked the doors and i ran up stairs but chelsea and brennen answerd the door. apperently he was looking for my parents who werent there. when they were leaving chelsea said "fucking whore" and slammed the door. brennen said it was kind of like blue balls becos he wanted to kick his ass but didnt. i hate him. but i love chelsea and brennen.
i really dont know what to do with all of this. i realize by letting all of this get to me its not good. but i really dont know what to do. im tierd of acting like nothing phases me but sometimes its the only way i get by.