(no subject)
I haven't written in forever... I suppose I only am now because I seem to have an intense aversion to going to sleep any earlier than 2:00 recently.
Lately I've been thinking about how much and how quickly life changes... I have always felt that every day you wake up a slightly different person than you were the day before, but it strikes me recently that some days change you far more than others. Even reflecting on past months.. so much is different, so much has changed in so many ways that I never thought anything would. In some respects I'm so happy, but then other aspects of my life involve alot of worry and hurt. For some reason I always thought that life was either nearly completely one or the other (as it always has been for me), but it isn't- at least not now. I feel like I'm balancing everything most precariously, but it requires so much effort.. sometimes I want to just let it all fall, salvage what I can.. but I suppose its all out of my control anyway.
This sounds particularly moody and depressive, but it isn't really, just a means of processing my thoughts. Sometimes I don't really know what I'm thinking until I see it written down.
Lately I've been thinking about how much and how quickly life changes... I have always felt that every day you wake up a slightly different person than you were the day before, but it strikes me recently that some days change you far more than others. Even reflecting on past months.. so much is different, so much has changed in so many ways that I never thought anything would. In some respects I'm so happy, but then other aspects of my life involve alot of worry and hurt. For some reason I always thought that life was either nearly completely one or the other (as it always has been for me), but it isn't- at least not now. I feel like I'm balancing everything most precariously, but it requires so much effort.. sometimes I want to just let it all fall, salvage what I can.. but I suppose its all out of my control anyway.
This sounds particularly moody and depressive, but it isn't really, just a means of processing my thoughts. Sometimes I don't really know what I'm thinking until I see it written down.