"Homer, I don't think a healthy man can make that kind of smell"
My seatmate last night BWI-SFO was a friendly Aussie connecting to SYD. Unfortunately due to weather in the mideast/Atlantic, though not directly affecting BWI, there was a cascading effect on air traffic and we were held on the ground for ~15 minutes, jeopardizing his already uncomfortably tight for SFO connection of 48 minutes. I helped him look up potential rerouting options, and also the SFO airport map (semi-worst-case, we were arriving gate 67 and his flight was departing G98 from the international terminal)
So he was up and down out of his seat talking to the FA, but also to use the restroom a few times. When he got up for third time, I thought to myself "again? really?" but as he slipped past me I got crop-dusted by an odor that made it clear it was urgent :-(
He returned a surprisingly short time later and all seemed well, until after a while another unmistakable aroma wafted in my direction and out of the corner of my eye I saw him glance at me guiltily while attempting to turtle into the collar of his own t-shirt. I mean, this was pretty epic, maybe not "LAX was fogged in"* sort of epic, but definitely up there. I have no idea what he ate, because he had declined the in-flight meal.
It was around this time that the titular Simpsons clip floated through my mind:
https://youtu.be/G7aCLNUL4Ms
I then had a bit of an internal debate on how long to wait before reaching up to turn on the air nozzle (the technical term for which -- I am not making this up -- is "gaspers"). I mean, I knew he cut one, and I knew that he knew that I knew, but in light of our previous camaraderie it seemed like it would be rude to shout "OH MY GOD" and immediately turn the air on full blast.
The remainder of the flight was incident-free, and I jumped up immediately at the "ding!" to let him out, and he ended up being the first one off the plane. I'd caught a glance at his boarding pass, so was able to look up the seat map of his onward flight and it showed his seat as occupied (with other seats open) at departure so I think he made it.
*from a famous fart story that went viral in e-mail in the mid 90s, the only reference to which I can currently find is here -- search for the word "Disneyland"
So he was up and down out of his seat talking to the FA, but also to use the restroom a few times. When he got up for third time, I thought to myself "again? really?" but as he slipped past me I got crop-dusted by an odor that made it clear it was urgent :-(
He returned a surprisingly short time later and all seemed well, until after a while another unmistakable aroma wafted in my direction and out of the corner of my eye I saw him glance at me guiltily while attempting to turtle into the collar of his own t-shirt. I mean, this was pretty epic, maybe not "LAX was fogged in"* sort of epic, but definitely up there. I have no idea what he ate, because he had declined the in-flight meal.
It was around this time that the titular Simpsons clip floated through my mind:
https://youtu.be/G7aCLNUL4Ms
Click to viewI then had a bit of an internal debate on how long to wait before reaching up to turn on the air nozzle (the technical term for which -- I am not making this up -- is "gaspers"). I mean, I knew he cut one, and I knew that he knew that I knew, but in light of our previous camaraderie it seemed like it would be rude to shout "OH MY GOD" and immediately turn the air on full blast.
The remainder of the flight was incident-free, and I jumped up immediately at the "ding!" to let him out, and he ended up being the first one off the plane. I'd caught a glance at his boarding pass, so was able to look up the seat map of his onward flight and it showed his seat as occupied (with other seats open) at departure so I think he made it.
*from a famous fart story that went viral in e-mail in the mid 90s, the only reference to which I can currently find is here -- search for the word "Disneyland"