Empty
I just picked up my last paycheck from Pappadeaux. I should have known better. I should have remembered that he was working. When I saw him, my stomach dropped. God. I saw him staring at me when I was at the host stand and felt his eyes burn into me as I passed by the bar. Oh my god, I fucking hate him so much. I was ok, I blocked everything out of my head and then this happened. I can't even express what I want to fucking do to him. Luckily Randi came to pick up her check too because I don't know what would've happened if she wasn't at the stairs with me as he passed by. He didn't just walk by as if I didn't exist. He started to pass by, stopped, turned and stared at us. We just froze on the stairs. Even Randi had that dreadful look on her face. GOD! I asked Randi if there was still drama going on and she knew what I meant. She hadn't heard anyone talk about me...except for Marina. What? Why her? From what Randi's boyfriend Kevin heard, Marina went up to him and said, "I heard what happened to you..." and some other shit I can't remember. I don't know what else he told her but I know he said, "I'm not talking about this at work." Fucking makes me wonder who else knows and what else is said about me now that I'm gone. One side of the story is being told and it's not right. The story's not right and the fact that no one knows my side except a few people isn't right. And what the fuck is "I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU" supposed to mean??? I don't know what to do. I tried calling Scott, Justin, and Stephanie. No one's picking up. I just needed to get this out because I still feel like I'm going to be sick. I want to curl up and just hide right now. I don't want to see anyone and now more and more I don't want to talk to anyone. They gave me a $25 gift card for Pappadeaux...what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I don't want to eat there anymore. I hate being paranoid wondering what people are saying about me and to eat in a place where I know people are talking about me? I can't do that.
Someone just please get all of this out of my head. Everything. New Years, him, the phone call, the paranoia, the embarassment. please.