(no subject)
cast me out. ill reel myself in. when you threw me i skipped the water 8 bounces. then 3. then 1.
i sank. the water rushed past me as i drifted down, plummeting to a level surface. touch down.
and i look. i see. the light break away. my eyes hold on to the last thing i see. for me.
tonight i feel like more. tonight i feel change. tonight the world was so wrong, no one noticed.
plug in and play past partial post depression, and dont get up. dont stay down.
i have a powerful distaste for diego.
now lets get honest. the most honest thing i will ever write to you. the most true to life self depiction that i can muster. you will all hate me after this. and its ok. i hate myself.
i am a fraud. i am not anything i seem to be.
i am a half assed musician. i am a half assed friend. i just everyone.
i am so piss scared of what everyone thinks of me, at all time. everything they think.
i am afraid of not having nell. i love nell.
i am addicted to depression. i drink to much. i smoke to much.
i love my daughter more than anything else.
i am trying, but i do not know how to be a good father. i never had one.
i cause misery, for my own excitement. i lie about trivial stupid things.
i do not lie about major occurances, or facts. my name actually isnt diego. its really Charles Thomas Grubbs III.
i didnt know my father until i was 16. i hated him all my life.
my mother is very much insane. she doesnt remember my childhood. and either do i.
i want to be everything to everyone. i want everyone to like me. i try to be everything.
i am dependant on women. but there is only one i will ever truly love.
i cut myself. i burn myself. i get tattoos cus its an easy way to hurt myself. and i like them.
i wish i had died and not dante. he would put more use to this life than i would.
i drink because its the only way i get in a good mood anymore.
i dont know how a real family works. i lie to myself and cover up my own short comings to make myself feel better.
i take medicine. i always hope for the worst, and when it turns out not as bad as i expected, i feel let down.
even when its myself.
i dont know who i am. i dont know much. everything that i am right now, is because of people i have come across in my life.
i went to a different school every year, from 4th grade until my freshmen year. and then i left again my senior year. i have never made roots anywhere.
i have continually fucked over nell, in such disgusting ways. i am a bastard. i am ignorant and immmature most of the time.
i will destroy everything i love. or it will leave me.
i cause my own misery. i am afraid of spiders. i want to be someone someday. i dont think i will.
i miss smoking pot. i hate drinking. i miss frisky. and i miss turkish.
i miss living in the trailer. cold nights, fetish and chasing amy.
a love nest where epic was created and the love of the most amazing woman ive ever encountered.
i was lucky to have had her love. and i took it for granted, misled and abused it.
i cry wolf more than i shit. i exaggerate everything. i am the best at acting the part. its my saving grace.
i play sad songs to make myself even more sad than i already am. i cant write positive music, or lyrics.
if epic wasnt here, i would be dead. i want to thank nell for being so strong. and for loving me.
i miss playing basketball. i miss being good at skating. i miss lefthead, even though those times hurt so much.
i miss robert, brent, mike, marc and jesse. i miss being twitch.
i miss dante. i miss chappy stories. pc racial slander and patty cake patty cake microwave.
i miss smiling. real friends. genuine pain, and my abusive mother.
i hope this was straight forward.
i sank. the water rushed past me as i drifted down, plummeting to a level surface. touch down.
and i look. i see. the light break away. my eyes hold on to the last thing i see. for me.
tonight i feel like more. tonight i feel change. tonight the world was so wrong, no one noticed.
plug in and play past partial post depression, and dont get up. dont stay down.
i have a powerful distaste for diego.
now lets get honest. the most honest thing i will ever write to you. the most true to life self depiction that i can muster. you will all hate me after this. and its ok. i hate myself.
i am a fraud. i am not anything i seem to be.
i am a half assed musician. i am a half assed friend. i just everyone.
i am so piss scared of what everyone thinks of me, at all time. everything they think.
i am afraid of not having nell. i love nell.
i am addicted to depression. i drink to much. i smoke to much.
i love my daughter more than anything else.
i am trying, but i do not know how to be a good father. i never had one.
i cause misery, for my own excitement. i lie about trivial stupid things.
i do not lie about major occurances, or facts. my name actually isnt diego. its really Charles Thomas Grubbs III.
i didnt know my father until i was 16. i hated him all my life.
my mother is very much insane. she doesnt remember my childhood. and either do i.
i want to be everything to everyone. i want everyone to like me. i try to be everything.
i am dependant on women. but there is only one i will ever truly love.
i cut myself. i burn myself. i get tattoos cus its an easy way to hurt myself. and i like them.
i wish i had died and not dante. he would put more use to this life than i would.
i drink because its the only way i get in a good mood anymore.
i dont know how a real family works. i lie to myself and cover up my own short comings to make myself feel better.
i take medicine. i always hope for the worst, and when it turns out not as bad as i expected, i feel let down.
even when its myself.
i dont know who i am. i dont know much. everything that i am right now, is because of people i have come across in my life.
i went to a different school every year, from 4th grade until my freshmen year. and then i left again my senior year. i have never made roots anywhere.
i have continually fucked over nell, in such disgusting ways. i am a bastard. i am ignorant and immmature most of the time.
i will destroy everything i love. or it will leave me.
i cause my own misery. i am afraid of spiders. i want to be someone someday. i dont think i will.
i miss smoking pot. i hate drinking. i miss frisky. and i miss turkish.
i miss living in the trailer. cold nights, fetish and chasing amy.
a love nest where epic was created and the love of the most amazing woman ive ever encountered.
i was lucky to have had her love. and i took it for granted, misled and abused it.
i cry wolf more than i shit. i exaggerate everything. i am the best at acting the part. its my saving grace.
i play sad songs to make myself even more sad than i already am. i cant write positive music, or lyrics.
if epic wasnt here, i would be dead. i want to thank nell for being so strong. and for loving me.
i miss playing basketball. i miss being good at skating. i miss lefthead, even though those times hurt so much.
i miss robert, brent, mike, marc and jesse. i miss being twitch.
i miss dante. i miss chappy stories. pc racial slander and patty cake patty cake microwave.
i miss smiling. real friends. genuine pain, and my abusive mother.
i hope this was straight forward.