there's no surf in colorado anyway
it has been an incredibly long time since i have written in this. i realize that. i am sorry for anyone (yeah right) that longed to read my journal. anyway. things have changed quite a lot since i las wrote. i didnt go back and read the most recent entries before i am writing this, so i honestly dont know what it was that i left on, but i believe it had something to do with a boy named brent. sadly, that is not a topic of conversation anymore, seeing as how we broke up on my first day in colorado.
yes, colorado. this is the place that i have disappeared to for so long. i left in may to be a camp counselor at a girl scout camp in the summer. i am back three weeks early, however, due to significant bitchiness, both on my part and the other counselors. i realized, after coming home for 4 days over the fourth of july, that i had had enough of camp and when i went back i was a horrible counselor, cause i didnt wanna be there. so i quit. along with a friend i had made, named phoenix (or katie) and we are both back in oklahoma now. katie is from california. she is staying with me for three weeks. then going back to colorado to go back to california. it is interesting to be spontaneous.
we didnt tell anyone we were coming back. we got here on saturday morning at 2:00 a.m. i brought katie with me over the fourth and she and brian made friends very quickly. when we got into town we went by justin's house and lucas's car was there. as soon as we pulled up, they walked out of the house and lucas looked at my car with an odd expression on his face (cause it was dark) until katie shouted "lucas!" and i got out of the car. he grabbed me in a big hug and looked really suprised (but happy). then we went and suprised brian. it was lots of fun.
so some may be confused as to the new boy i have mentioned. thing is, he isnt completely new. you can read all about him in an entry entitled "excuse me forgetting, but these things i do," which i have added to my memories page. i have worked with him for quite some times, and if you read the memory, have been smitten with him for quite some time as well. shortly before i left for colorado we started hanging out more and the intrigue shot through the roof. we wrote to each other all summer and when i came back for the fourth we had a great time together. we discussed dating and decided we dont want to be exclusive. this confuses things for me some because i hate not having boundries. we act, at times, like we are going out and at other times like we are simple friends. it is confusing and is starting to make my head hurt. but i do know that i had a crush on him for like nine freakin' months and now that we are getting to know each other better i realize why. he is amazingly sweet. we click really well. he is affectionate, says things that are way cute, smiles at me a lot, and just makes me feel good when we are together.
i play poker with him and yesterday (sunday) was our first sunday night game since we started becoming more aquainted. we both sucked at the first tournament being the first (him) and second (me) people out. then on the second tournament i took three people out on the first hand with a pocket pair of queens that got fucking lucky and filled out into a queen flush (beating a pocket pair of aces, i might add). that tournament ended up with luke and i as the last people in, him with a lot more chips than me, but i came back and beat him, winning the tournament. then we both sucked again on the third toutnament. it was a hell of a lot of fun.
i have no clue where things are gonna go with luke and i. it feels really awesome that there is anything at all, but it sucks not knowing if i am crossing lines. i feel like i am always pissing him off (well, not always, just tonight). and now that i am working back at the shuttle, we are gonna see a lot of each other, in both personal and professional situations. so i guess only time is gonna be able to help this one.
i have realized that sometimes my journal entries are really eloquent, and sometimes they are completely sporadic and dont make much sense. this is the latter, and i am sorry. i have a ton on my mind right now and am just trying to get it out, quickly.
so brent called me today, for the first time in about two weeks, wondering why i didnt tell him i was coming home. i didnt realize it was my duty to inform him when i left the state, but apparently he thinks differently. i dunno whats gonna happen there either. i would like to maintain a friendship with him, but he needs to realize that things are over and he cant control me anymore. he gets that and we will be all good.
i am back at the shuttle now, as i said earlier, and i couldnt be happier. i love that job so much. i made fifty bucks in tips today and still get paid a decent amount come pay day. and all for driving around in my car and listening to my music. how wonderful. i dont work for two days, during which i am looking for a new apartment (as not to live in brent's place anymore) and getting my life in oklahoma back in order. how exciting.
i just turned on AIM and the door sounds scared the shit out of me.
i am dead tired, it is time for bed. but the jest of this was that i am back in town and things are going decently well, with only minor setbacks. i am generally in a good mood. hurray for that.
yes, colorado. this is the place that i have disappeared to for so long. i left in may to be a camp counselor at a girl scout camp in the summer. i am back three weeks early, however, due to significant bitchiness, both on my part and the other counselors. i realized, after coming home for 4 days over the fourth of july, that i had had enough of camp and when i went back i was a horrible counselor, cause i didnt wanna be there. so i quit. along with a friend i had made, named phoenix (or katie) and we are both back in oklahoma now. katie is from california. she is staying with me for three weeks. then going back to colorado to go back to california. it is interesting to be spontaneous.
we didnt tell anyone we were coming back. we got here on saturday morning at 2:00 a.m. i brought katie with me over the fourth and she and brian made friends very quickly. when we got into town we went by justin's house and lucas's car was there. as soon as we pulled up, they walked out of the house and lucas looked at my car with an odd expression on his face (cause it was dark) until katie shouted "lucas!" and i got out of the car. he grabbed me in a big hug and looked really suprised (but happy). then we went and suprised brian. it was lots of fun.
so some may be confused as to the new boy i have mentioned. thing is, he isnt completely new. you can read all about him in an entry entitled "excuse me forgetting, but these things i do," which i have added to my memories page. i have worked with him for quite some times, and if you read the memory, have been smitten with him for quite some time as well. shortly before i left for colorado we started hanging out more and the intrigue shot through the roof. we wrote to each other all summer and when i came back for the fourth we had a great time together. we discussed dating and decided we dont want to be exclusive. this confuses things for me some because i hate not having boundries. we act, at times, like we are going out and at other times like we are simple friends. it is confusing and is starting to make my head hurt. but i do know that i had a crush on him for like nine freakin' months and now that we are getting to know each other better i realize why. he is amazingly sweet. we click really well. he is affectionate, says things that are way cute, smiles at me a lot, and just makes me feel good when we are together.
i play poker with him and yesterday (sunday) was our first sunday night game since we started becoming more aquainted. we both sucked at the first tournament being the first (him) and second (me) people out. then on the second tournament i took three people out on the first hand with a pocket pair of queens that got fucking lucky and filled out into a queen flush (beating a pocket pair of aces, i might add). that tournament ended up with luke and i as the last people in, him with a lot more chips than me, but i came back and beat him, winning the tournament. then we both sucked again on the third toutnament. it was a hell of a lot of fun.
i have no clue where things are gonna go with luke and i. it feels really awesome that there is anything at all, but it sucks not knowing if i am crossing lines. i feel like i am always pissing him off (well, not always, just tonight). and now that i am working back at the shuttle, we are gonna see a lot of each other, in both personal and professional situations. so i guess only time is gonna be able to help this one.
i have realized that sometimes my journal entries are really eloquent, and sometimes they are completely sporadic and dont make much sense. this is the latter, and i am sorry. i have a ton on my mind right now and am just trying to get it out, quickly.
so brent called me today, for the first time in about two weeks, wondering why i didnt tell him i was coming home. i didnt realize it was my duty to inform him when i left the state, but apparently he thinks differently. i dunno whats gonna happen there either. i would like to maintain a friendship with him, but he needs to realize that things are over and he cant control me anymore. he gets that and we will be all good.
i am back at the shuttle now, as i said earlier, and i couldnt be happier. i love that job so much. i made fifty bucks in tips today and still get paid a decent amount come pay day. and all for driving around in my car and listening to my music. how wonderful. i dont work for two days, during which i am looking for a new apartment (as not to live in brent's place anymore) and getting my life in oklahoma back in order. how exciting.
i just turned on AIM and the door sounds scared the shit out of me.
i am dead tired, it is time for bed. but the jest of this was that i am back in town and things are going decently well, with only minor setbacks. i am generally in a good mood. hurray for that.