[FIC] RPF: grazed knees [1/3]

[evocates]

Holy shit this fic took me, by my standards, absolutely forever to write. It's not a matter of wordcount. All of my musings about writing came from writing this. It's like- one of those experiences that make you realise how utterly inadequate you are as a writer.

Seriously. I'm not even kidding.

Huge, huge, huge thanks to helena_s_renn for the stunning beta

Comments

[rubyelf]

This is a brilliant and amazing start, darling, and they all feel so real... and the end of it is hearbreaking and painful... I'm waiting so eagerly for the next!

[evocates]

Ahhh, god, I'm so glad to hear that it feels real. That's the big part that I was having problems with, over and over again.

Thank you so much, lovely. ♥

[bluegerl]

OMG.. oh noooo...

[evocates]

It gets better! You know this. :3 (I'm a sap, really, so while I might put them through a wringer I will never leave them there.)

[bluegerl]

I've gone back again, and read, again... I don't know how many times I have to read these...

But I have also read Noalinnea's comment.... and she has picked out all the bits I adored... felt, cried over, hurt for, denied in me, wiped tears that are even now dripping into my keyboard. I couldn't hardly write coherently when I read at first... so you get one liners from me. I'm scared of pouring it all out at you... And all the points about Nikolaj... too big, too broad... and that gut sickening crawling knowledge it isn't ...him! Oh damn you Evo... and them... They will always break my heart, even when you have them (spoiler here) makingup and loving at the end... I STILL WANT TO CRY FROM LOVE!!!

[evocates]

HOW ON EARTH DID I MISS THIS COMMENT.

Don't be afraid of telling me what you think, honestly! I might not agree, but I'm always here to listen, and it makes me very, very happy to hear what you think of what I write. 8D I'm a feedback whore, really. /hugs

[j_flattermann]

This is heartbreaking stuff, beautiful, simple and hurting, cutting deep.
It rings all so true.

Great writing.

[evocates]

Thank you so much! It's such a huge relief to know that it's convincing. ♥

[noalinnea]

You actually made me cry. Need to read the next part immediately and will come back for more feedback later but I absolutely love what I've read so far!

[noalinnea]

Oh, my dear, I don't even know where to start... maybe with telling you that I got up an hour earlier so that I could leave a decent comment before going to work :) I love every single line of it, I really really do. From the kiss that gets so completely out of hand to the phone call on Christmas day. There is so much tension between Nikolaj and Sean in the beginning that it takes your breath away and then all these small facts that make your heart hurt for Sean- that Nikolaj's shoulders are too broad, that he is too tall, that his body refuses to wrap around him as comfortably as it wraps around Viggo's. And then when your are with them on the way to Sean's room his pain becomes that evident as he tries not to think the thought that is going the thought that haunts and hurts him and you can feel his pain slowly shift and transform into something that maybe is not anger yet but will be very soon and makes you wonder how long he will be able to stand the situation There was no gentleness, just need and the intensity of Nikolaj’s entire

[evocates]

I fixed the Danish! And my gosh, Noa, I don't even know how to reply to this. I was literally having this page open in my tabs for days and days and I can't think of something to say. You caught all the little details I've tried to put into the text, and it just makes me so happy.

Yet there still is hope then and even though I had already read what happens on Christmas Eve I, too, was still hoping (completely irrational given what I prompted) there would be a way.

It's not irrational, because that was what I was going for. That's how Sean felt in that situation, over and over, just that thread of hope, of just maybe things will be better this time, that they will go back to what they were before, when Viggo looked at him and him alone. I'm just so goddamn happy that you caught it and you felt the same way. /hugs

I was a little worried because your own fics tend to be a lot sweeter than this, and this is really a lot about the ugly side of human relationships. How people take their loved ones for granted, how passive aggressive

[noalinnea]

I really hope I got the Danish right then... :S My fics only tend to be sweeter because I see so many terrible things in my job and need a fluffy cushion to sleep on. But bring the ugly sides on, I'm interested in forceful emotions, that sums it up neatly, positive ones and ugly ones (my favorite director is Lars von Trier if you know any of his films?). But now I'm off to leave a proper comment on the second part :) (shameless...pfff... don't worry about that, you wrote something this awesome for me, the least I can do is leave feedback!)

[evocates]

Can I ask what your job is? (Shh, I know I'm late, I'm catching up now that I have some time.)

I have only heard of Melancholia from von Trier, I think. But my favourite movies are the ugly, gorey ones. I'm not a good person to talk to with visual mediums - I usually don't feel anything about them. It's part of why I adore the movies that do make me feel something so, so much. =X Also, I don't know, my fics tend to be really forceful in terms of emotions - I don't think I've written anything with characters who are as apathetic as I am most of the time. I think I just pour out all my emotions to them. 8D