Xanax please?
I'm beginning to think that I need to start taking prescribed psychotropic drugs. My self medication is hard to come by right now and quite frankly not doing the job it once did. I can't focus on anything and all I seem to want to do is sleep. Though with last night's 6 hour blackout there really wasn't anything else I could do in my defense. I do know the source of my quasi depression which is helpful. Both are things out of my control which should be helpful but isn't.
First my father is going back to the hospital again. They took out the stint they put in the "tube that connects the kidney to the bladder" because he was doing so much better. Well unfortunately it has clogged and sadly I don't mean it has gone mountain dancing. So back to St Louis he goes. Hopefully it will be fixed, but it seems every time he gets better he relapses. It really is starting to wear on me.
Secondly, the girl I'd been sleeping with for the past month and half decided to tell me Friday that she met someone else, and again I feel like an asshole because I thought maybe this time she cared for me as well. Goes to show I still fall for the same type of person. Someone who likes me as a friend. Enjoys sleeping with me but doesn't have romantic feelings. Of course that one is my fault because we were supposed to be just fuck buddies. That was our deal. I knew better, but I let myself fall anyway. I will say it would have been a damned sight better if she had waited until after the Saints game where I had to entertain clients to tell me. Though thanks to a double Crown on the rocks I managed to fake a smile and laugh at my clients jokes. It was hard with her there but I kinda felt like I had to still take her since I went to the trouble of asking for a ticket for her. To let it go to waste would have been a faux pas. Seeing as how the majority of my friends are not huge football fans the only person I could think of to call I knew was out of town. So, I felt I was stuck taking her. All the same, it is over. She wants to be friends but I just don't have that in me. Not now. Maybe not ever.
So while my philosophy is not to stress over things I can't change, (Something I had to adopt or I'd be overcome by road rage) I am having a hard time doing just that. Maybe it is time to go visit a shrink. Can't hurt right?
First my father is going back to the hospital again. They took out the stint they put in the "tube that connects the kidney to the bladder" because he was doing so much better. Well unfortunately it has clogged and sadly I don't mean it has gone mountain dancing. So back to St Louis he goes. Hopefully it will be fixed, but it seems every time he gets better he relapses. It really is starting to wear on me.
Secondly, the girl I'd been sleeping with for the past month and half decided to tell me Friday that she met someone else, and again I feel like an asshole because I thought maybe this time she cared for me as well. Goes to show I still fall for the same type of person. Someone who likes me as a friend. Enjoys sleeping with me but doesn't have romantic feelings. Of course that one is my fault because we were supposed to be just fuck buddies. That was our deal. I knew better, but I let myself fall anyway. I will say it would have been a damned sight better if she had waited until after the Saints game where I had to entertain clients to tell me. Though thanks to a double Crown on the rocks I managed to fake a smile and laugh at my clients jokes. It was hard with her there but I kinda felt like I had to still take her since I went to the trouble of asking for a ticket for her. To let it go to waste would have been a faux pas. Seeing as how the majority of my friends are not huge football fans the only person I could think of to call I knew was out of town. So, I felt I was stuck taking her. All the same, it is over. She wants to be friends but I just don't have that in me. Not now. Maybe not ever.
So while my philosophy is not to stress over things I can't change, (Something I had to adopt or I'd be overcome by road rage) I am having a hard time doing just that. Maybe it is time to go visit a shrink. Can't hurt right?