(no subject)
im getting old. i am feeling old. my body is feeling old and im looking old.
im tired of being lonely. but i must admit im not the strapping young lad i once was.
my head is fucked up, has been for years, since the accident. i remember how things used to be, how i used to be.
how i am different...
im having problems with my kidneys. it started with the salmonella poisoning, and since its been worsening. im not saying this to be funny. my pee smells of arsenic or something, and my kindneys hurt to the touch.
i can feel that supposed lump on my left pelvic bone the doctors told me about after the accident. it is noticeable.
im much weaker than i was even 6 months ago.
nobody loves me anymore.
i went around a bit while i was in billings, to some familiar places. memory lane if you will. it seems so distant, like an afterthought. my memories are fading, for lack of new ones to be had. thinking about the past isnt enough to keep it preserved.
im waiting for that moment of clarity.
some have said i am my own obstacle, that i stand in my own way when it comes to success. if only they saw as i see, that there is no success.
i want babies, big house with a pickett fence, and a dog. i want what i cant have, and it wont be long before the opportunity is gone.
especially at my rapid rate of descent.
so tired.... so tired...
im tired of being lonely. but i must admit im not the strapping young lad i once was.
my head is fucked up, has been for years, since the accident. i remember how things used to be, how i used to be.
how i am different...
im having problems with my kidneys. it started with the salmonella poisoning, and since its been worsening. im not saying this to be funny. my pee smells of arsenic or something, and my kindneys hurt to the touch.
i can feel that supposed lump on my left pelvic bone the doctors told me about after the accident. it is noticeable.
im much weaker than i was even 6 months ago.
nobody loves me anymore.
i went around a bit while i was in billings, to some familiar places. memory lane if you will. it seems so distant, like an afterthought. my memories are fading, for lack of new ones to be had. thinking about the past isnt enough to keep it preserved.
im waiting for that moment of clarity.
some have said i am my own obstacle, that i stand in my own way when it comes to success. if only they saw as i see, that there is no success.
i want babies, big house with a pickett fence, and a dog. i want what i cant have, and it wont be long before the opportunity is gone.
especially at my rapid rate of descent.
so tired.... so tired...