Dec 18, 2003 04:15
so its 4am...
Im sitting here, throat all hurting, just hoping that any minute now someone will talk to me.
And by someone, I mean one of several people in particular, you know... the several that can work with me to make changes happen.
Its not the only reason Im still awake, and I know that that several is really less since some are asleep and dont go online this time of night...
(or do they...)
Its bothering me alot.
That it takes so long for one person to even send an email, an IM, or anything.
Yet they have SO much time to do other things... things that are not that important.
Like Im being pushed away... ignored... or something along those lines.
I hate that feeling...
If you read this, and think its about you, its not.
But keep it in mind... ignoring me, pushing me aside, blowing me off... pisses me off.
But it doesnt stop me.
Sometimes I wish I kept this as just a journal so noone could read it...
times i think people have seen the real me through this... and others it seems people saw the evil me which I didnt want them to.
Believe me or not... Im not a bad/evil/horrible guy... I made mistakes.. everyone does...
But I took the time and effort to learn from that.
This is probably going to piss people off...
But I dont like holding things in... That just hurts me more.
Holding things in hurts anyone more than letting it out...
I wish some people *wink wink* would learn that....
But what good are my words...
if they are only heard... and not listened to.
This is the task I have taken up...
Changing the world, if only a small bit.
Making a miracle... if only for one person...
I have made no decision with myself the person to gain...
Selfish acts have no justification...
I want to make things better for someone else rather than myself...
because i know in the end... Accomplishing just that will be enough to make me happy.
Doing more for someone else... making them happy... makes me happy.
Start training tomorrow for new job i guess.
Waiter at sushi place...
Im excited...
I just wish I had someone close to share the excitement with.