ramble and rant, please read and try to understand this stream of concousness

[evilwitabandaid]

Do you really want to know the truth?
It's that I am afraid to loose you.
Do you really understand how my head works?
It makes it so I don't have to hurt when you leave.
Do you realize you are living with a complete freak?
I am sorry for all the mood swings.
Do you know how much you mean to me?
I really don't show it as much as I should.
Do you think I should let you in right now?
If I did it might make me unstable.

How come I can't talk to you?
How come I can't let you in?
How come I just wont turn to you?
I feel like things have gone to shit.
I feel that you will look down on me,
think less of who I am.
Now that our third is gone, leaving on a whim.
I really want to fix this,
I really want to make this right,
but in a way I feel betrayed,
causing the feeling of being alone every night.
You can't just ditch out and expect to come back the same.
I'm sorry but no one and everyone is to blame.
When I felt really low,
You weren't there to turn to,
So why do you expect the opposite from me,
Your infatuation with other things in life,
left me out,
now that you are back,
I don't know what to do with you.
In a short amount of time I learned to deal by myself,
I am sorry if I am acting weird,
I am sorry if I take out my frustration on you,
I know you are alone right now,
but I have been there already,
I couldn't turn to the people I trusted most,
for they were caught up in their own lives,
and that is where the seperation lies,
our own lives,
I am trying to intergrate them together again,
but it's hard,
to come back from a darkness,
I am trying to be happy,
I just lost one of my best friends,
but I kind of lost them both,
when I moved away to start a new life,
and they forgot about who I am,
and how much we meant to eachother.