Crazier
Mom's yelling at Dad, at the moment, for protecting her from Brother by.. elbowing her in the nose. 'Bout friggin' time.
But ya know what..? Though she's finally considering, she refuses until I get my sanity back. ..And I doubt that'll happen while she's still shortening/switching/stupifying(wtfh? ..I dunno) everything I manage to get her to talk about, and my crazy-@rze phobia's here.. currently returning to full power.
My entire intestinal schedule's been skewed, so I'm getting pretty backed up.. with flat stuff.
But they're both important, great classes (typing and ceramics B), so I gotta suck it up, even though I've (despite spontanious crazy-lady crying outbursts) been getting really spacy/numb deeper inside.
Darnit, I DON'T wanna have to start pumping myself with laxatives and reverting to painful previous diets.. I don't wanna relive it. And my intestines might work even less good coming out the other side...
WHY would they need several dosages of prunes/grapes/raisins and that white powder when I'm drinking more than I ever have? ALREADY having issues, just for over-sleeping a few hours, what hope do I have of getting my intestines to start attempting to empty themselves, not at 11:00 average, but 8:00.. 8's like the middle of the night for me. During all the hours when I would've woken up and pooped, I'm either in lunch or my second class.
..God, I feel sick. ..In an airy, numb, non-physical kinda way.
Several hours earlier, today, I listened to them talking about how much of a brat I am for being unhappy what with all the stuff they give me. I guess it's true...but I could really care less, in all honesty, while this phobia and the freaky flattening issue's draining my thoughts' life-source.
I am a brat, I guess, however..
Friend is having issues with relatives or something, it turns out, and that's why she won't answer the phone.
I've been having a lot of really weird, random nightmares lately.. which I guess I could contribute to my body's being used to being half-awake at 8.
I have no morals, identity, pride, conscience, or anything anymore.
And I owe it all to the event my second teacher had helped arrange.
..And myself for having sent my conscience down half a year ago before-hand.. I shouldn't have done that; I still can barely hear her, even though I've realized I was the one who put that fear-of-becoming-father-turning-into-something-I-shouldn't-be wrench in the works.
But ya know what..? Though she's finally considering, she refuses until I get my sanity back. ..And I doubt that'll happen while she's still shortening/switching/stupifying(wtfh? ..I dunno) everything I manage to get her to talk about, and my crazy-@rze phobia's here.. currently returning to full power.
My entire intestinal schedule's been skewed, so I'm getting pretty backed up.. with flat stuff.
But they're both important, great classes (typing and ceramics B), so I gotta suck it up, even though I've (despite spontanious crazy-lady crying outbursts) been getting really spacy/numb deeper inside.
Darnit, I DON'T wanna have to start pumping myself with laxatives and reverting to painful previous diets.. I don't wanna relive it. And my intestines might work even less good coming out the other side...
WHY would they need several dosages of prunes/grapes/raisins and that white powder when I'm drinking more than I ever have? ALREADY having issues, just for over-sleeping a few hours, what hope do I have of getting my intestines to start attempting to empty themselves, not at 11:00 average, but 8:00.. 8's like the middle of the night for me. During all the hours when I would've woken up and pooped, I'm either in lunch or my second class.
..God, I feel sick. ..In an airy, numb, non-physical kinda way.
Several hours earlier, today, I listened to them talking about how much of a brat I am for being unhappy what with all the stuff they give me. I guess it's true...but I could really care less, in all honesty, while this phobia and the freaky flattening issue's draining my thoughts' life-source.
I am a brat, I guess, however..
Friend is having issues with relatives or something, it turns out, and that's why she won't answer the phone.
I've been having a lot of really weird, random nightmares lately.. which I guess I could contribute to my body's being used to being half-awake at 8.
I have no morals, identity, pride, conscience, or anything anymore.
And I owe it all to the event my second teacher had helped arrange.
..And myself for having sent my conscience down half a year ago before-hand.. I shouldn't have done that; I still can barely hear her, even though I've realized I was the one who put that fear-of-becoming-father-turning-into-something-I-shouldn't-be wrench in the works.