The feeling of feelings
George is out of the hospital and recovering at home.
Iim settling in to the new apartment. It doesn’t feel like home, whatever that feels like, but I don’t miss my Aunt’s house either. Christian has been coming over twice a week, which has been splendid.
He still isn’t forming real words yet. His doctor said he is also underweight (or should weigh more than he does, not that he’s malnourished). He also might be having micro seizures. Just a bundle of positivity, that doctor.
Mom can’t seem to handle that Christian is also a normal two year old in terms of level of aggression, (hitting, yelling, etc). She seems to like coming to the conclusion that Nick and Cait aren’t parenting him well. It’s irritating. Especially given that she used to run a daycare.
I have Tinnitus. The doctor said that the buzzing in my ears will never go away, I just have to cope with it. I am also, super slowly, going deaf. The first to go is this super high pitched sound.
I haven’t been in the mood to do anything mental. For example, I don’t mind cleaning my room, but I don’t want to watch tv, read, or play video games. Even this update is taking longer than it should. Though, I also don’t want to exercise anymore either. That severely limits the options of things to do during the day. I am busy in the morning and sleep in the afternoon. I am tired of existing. I am tired of doing and thinking of things to do. My therapist says I should give myself permission to feel this way instead of suppressing it. I don’t always feel like this, so I should allow myself to sit with these feelings, which will hopefully lessen their duration. I don’t care. I want it to change. I am a walking contradiction. Insert the “everyone is complex” speech here.
I’m gonna go take a nap… after we go buy groceries.
Iim settling in to the new apartment. It doesn’t feel like home, whatever that feels like, but I don’t miss my Aunt’s house either. Christian has been coming over twice a week, which has been splendid.
He still isn’t forming real words yet. His doctor said he is also underweight (or should weigh more than he does, not that he’s malnourished). He also might be having micro seizures. Just a bundle of positivity, that doctor.
Mom can’t seem to handle that Christian is also a normal two year old in terms of level of aggression, (hitting, yelling, etc). She seems to like coming to the conclusion that Nick and Cait aren’t parenting him well. It’s irritating. Especially given that she used to run a daycare.
I have Tinnitus. The doctor said that the buzzing in my ears will never go away, I just have to cope with it. I am also, super slowly, going deaf. The first to go is this super high pitched sound.
I haven’t been in the mood to do anything mental. For example, I don’t mind cleaning my room, but I don’t want to watch tv, read, or play video games. Even this update is taking longer than it should. Though, I also don’t want to exercise anymore either. That severely limits the options of things to do during the day. I am busy in the morning and sleep in the afternoon. I am tired of existing. I am tired of doing and thinking of things to do. My therapist says I should give myself permission to feel this way instead of suppressing it. I don’t always feel like this, so I should allow myself to sit with these feelings, which will hopefully lessen their duration. I don’t care. I want it to change. I am a walking contradiction. Insert the “everyone is complex” speech here.
I’m gonna go take a nap… after we go buy groceries.