DESIRE
so i been thinkin. bout all this desire i feel. it's funny if you think about how many things you want & how badly you want them. or even why you want them. sometimes you realize you dont even know..
all this wanting
blind wanting & desire & ache & it's directed towards one thing or many things it's all-consuming & it manifests itself physically in some of the strangest ways sumtimes..
a tremble down the spine at a forbidden touch
a silent scream as you bite your tongue for the thousandth time in the face of what you want most
a shudder as whitehot desire rips through your body & leaves you weak in the knees
you drool you get wet or hard you quiver you moan you stare longingly, for too long..
i'm not just talkin about sex here though..
that familiar dull ache in your chest when you think about it
the tears you shed if you get lost in desperation over it
there's always an it -
the recognition the trophy the adoration the diploma the promotion the medal the brand new shiny 'thing' the thing you get when you've done it & done it well or when you didnt quite earn it but you're fucken lucky the silver lining the dream come true the true love the lover the sex the fuck the chocolate the sleep the release the drugs the escape the disguise the excuse the right the way the answer
the car the house the mother the father sister brother the friend the ally the peace the s u r r e n d e r the pat on the back the $ in the bank the one word you wanna hear those 3 words you need to hear the touch the taste the whisper the scream the love the hate the talent the fear
the one who got away
the one you thought you had but never really did
the one you wanted from afar
wanted so bad you could taste it, feel it in your hands
want want want
the one you thought you didn't deserve
didn't think you were good enough for
the one you wanted though you knew it was bad for you
one you wanted though you knew it would end badly
jesus even the one you want who you know wants you too, but still...
it's a dangerous thing, desire. it makes weak shortsighted people do some crazy shit. it ruins relationships friendships lives
but it's a bittersweet risk, a powerful drug, a way of life for some who let it control them
but this wanting.. where does it lead? all the urgency of it, sucking you dry, leaving you weak & powerless.. what becomes of that energy? when it's fulfilled, there's a triumphant euphoria that mushrooms out into your life & usually if it's meant to be, the cloud of prosperity settles eventually dying down to normalcy or something like it.. but if it's never realized, this wasted want - where does it go? does it die? does it fade? does it drag you down w/ it?
the one you want so bad you can't speak
i think of all the things i have wanted in my life so powerfully that i was moved to tears or other physical reactions in desperation.. & i think of how many of these things looking back, i can ever call "mine".. the desire to possess something stems from a gap in one's life. you fill the hole w/ possessions. or if you can't succeed at that, you fill the hole w/ desires. desires melting blending winding down into a vortex of ever-tugging need. an endless cycle that some people just cannot take, so they try to shut it out & pretend they dont WANT things, pretend they don't crave that special nameless something on the tip of their trembling tongue b/c they're afraid fucking scared shitless to not get IT w/e IT is & then you're faced w/ the hole the blank page the hollow heartbeat at night like a faucet dripping in your ear echoing like a drum like a question - what did you do wrong? why didn't it work? don't you deserve it? why can't you have it? why can't you have what you want??
do i want you
or do i want something from you
something i think you can give me
nameless yet still felt w/ a passion
but this is a game & sometimes once you've won you lose the urge to play anymore, challenge gone, curiosity satisfied but can you really just shut it OFF like that?? some people can. that's how hearts are broken. that's how dreams are shattered & there's always someone left holding the popped balloon string.
how many times have i listened to that shit _POP_ in my face? explode all my efforts into shards of rubber shriveled up so suddenly deflated & useless. how many times was i left wondering WOT THE FUCK as i watched another balloon slip out of my tiny childlike hand & into the sky..
it's one of the worst feelings in the world to waste your desire when someone you want so bad doesn't. want. you. back. it's a painful fucken thing to realize. & insecurity doesnt need another excuse to rear its ugly fucken head does it?
sometimes it's even worse to want something & never get it just cuz fate's a sick fuck like that.
& all this desire
this risk
do you think i am tired of it yet?
do you think i've had enuf?
do you think i don't want you anymore??
or you?
or him or her or this or that
am i a glutton for punishment
do i crave dischord
do i want you b/c you're wonderful or are you wonderful b/c i want you?
do i want for wanting's sake?
b/c i can
or b/c i can't..
will i ever be satisfied
do you think you can feed this hunger
are you afraid of my appetite
what will i ask you for
i want it all.
all this wanting
blind wanting & desire & ache & it's directed towards one thing or many things it's all-consuming & it manifests itself physically in some of the strangest ways sumtimes..
a tremble down the spine at a forbidden touch
a silent scream as you bite your tongue for the thousandth time in the face of what you want most
a shudder as whitehot desire rips through your body & leaves you weak in the knees
you drool you get wet or hard you quiver you moan you stare longingly, for too long..
i'm not just talkin about sex here though..
that familiar dull ache in your chest when you think about it
the tears you shed if you get lost in desperation over it
there's always an it -
the recognition the trophy the adoration the diploma the promotion the medal the brand new shiny 'thing' the thing you get when you've done it & done it well or when you didnt quite earn it but you're fucken lucky the silver lining the dream come true the true love the lover the sex the fuck the chocolate the sleep the release the drugs the escape the disguise the excuse the right the way the answer
the car the house the mother the father sister brother the friend the ally the peace the s u r r e n d e r the pat on the back the $ in the bank the one word you wanna hear those 3 words you need to hear the touch the taste the whisper the scream the love the hate the talent the fear
the one who got away
the one you thought you had but never really did
the one you wanted from afar
wanted so bad you could taste it, feel it in your hands
want want want
the one you thought you didn't deserve
didn't think you were good enough for
the one you wanted though you knew it was bad for you
one you wanted though you knew it would end badly
jesus even the one you want who you know wants you too, but still...
it's a dangerous thing, desire. it makes weak shortsighted people do some crazy shit. it ruins relationships friendships lives
but it's a bittersweet risk, a powerful drug, a way of life for some who let it control them
but this wanting.. where does it lead? all the urgency of it, sucking you dry, leaving you weak & powerless.. what becomes of that energy? when it's fulfilled, there's a triumphant euphoria that mushrooms out into your life & usually if it's meant to be, the cloud of prosperity settles eventually dying down to normalcy or something like it.. but if it's never realized, this wasted want - where does it go? does it die? does it fade? does it drag you down w/ it?
the one you want so bad you can't speak
i think of all the things i have wanted in my life so powerfully that i was moved to tears or other physical reactions in desperation.. & i think of how many of these things looking back, i can ever call "mine".. the desire to possess something stems from a gap in one's life. you fill the hole w/ possessions. or if you can't succeed at that, you fill the hole w/ desires. desires melting blending winding down into a vortex of ever-tugging need. an endless cycle that some people just cannot take, so they try to shut it out & pretend they dont WANT things, pretend they don't crave that special nameless something on the tip of their trembling tongue b/c they're afraid fucking scared shitless to not get IT w/e IT is & then you're faced w/ the hole the blank page the hollow heartbeat at night like a faucet dripping in your ear echoing like a drum like a question - what did you do wrong? why didn't it work? don't you deserve it? why can't you have it? why can't you have what you want??
do i want you
or do i want something from you
something i think you can give me
nameless yet still felt w/ a passion
but this is a game & sometimes once you've won you lose the urge to play anymore, challenge gone, curiosity satisfied but can you really just shut it OFF like that?? some people can. that's how hearts are broken. that's how dreams are shattered & there's always someone left holding the popped balloon string.
how many times have i listened to that shit _POP_ in my face? explode all my efforts into shards of rubber shriveled up so suddenly deflated & useless. how many times was i left wondering WOT THE FUCK as i watched another balloon slip out of my tiny childlike hand & into the sky..
it's one of the worst feelings in the world to waste your desire when someone you want so bad doesn't. want. you. back. it's a painful fucken thing to realize. & insecurity doesnt need another excuse to rear its ugly fucken head does it?
sometimes it's even worse to want something & never get it just cuz fate's a sick fuck like that.
& all this desire
this risk
do you think i am tired of it yet?
do you think i've had enuf?
do you think i don't want you anymore??
or you?
or him or her or this or that
am i a glutton for punishment
do i crave dischord
do i want you b/c you're wonderful or are you wonderful b/c i want you?
do i want for wanting's sake?
b/c i can
or b/c i can't..
will i ever be satisfied
do you think you can feed this hunger
are you afraid of my appetite
what will i ask you for
i want it all.