Chapter Seven
The Unbeatable Man had trained for long, horrific decades to defeat the Evil Podiatrist. When they finally met on a stormy Tuesday, the Evil Podiatrist immediately wiped all of the Unbeatable Man's memories. The Unbeatable Man sat down in a heavy, depressed heap.
'Death is the subject, I am the verb, and you are the dangling participle,' said the Evil Podiatrist as he pulled the Unbeatable Man's liver out and snorted it.
Later, over coffee, the Evil Podiatrist ruminated on his own boring superiority. He was serenely detached from life's mess. The very coffee he sipped held ennui in its molecules. He knew that when he walked out into the rain again he would not get wet.
The Evil Podiatrist maintained a clumsily photocopied zine in honor of himself. Page after page of essays detailed his many fine qualities. Everyone read it each month. Women tried to name their children after him, but he refused, saying there could be only one Evil Podiatrist.
The Evil Podiatrist's favorite television program was City Slab Horror. Tonight its main character was indicted on charges of being nubile and sentenced to six days underwater without air. The Evil Podiatrist knew this would not matter. Nothing mattered on City Slab Horror. It had been on the air for seventeen years and had yet to approach narrative consistency. The Evil Podiatrist never missed it. City Slab Horror was his favorite television program.
Next: Chew A Flashlight, You Garbled Young Bastards
'Death is the subject, I am the verb, and you are the dangling participle,' said the Evil Podiatrist as he pulled the Unbeatable Man's liver out and snorted it.
Later, over coffee, the Evil Podiatrist ruminated on his own boring superiority. He was serenely detached from life's mess. The very coffee he sipped held ennui in its molecules. He knew that when he walked out into the rain again he would not get wet.
The Evil Podiatrist maintained a clumsily photocopied zine in honor of himself. Page after page of essays detailed his many fine qualities. Everyone read it each month. Women tried to name their children after him, but he refused, saying there could be only one Evil Podiatrist.
The Evil Podiatrist's favorite television program was City Slab Horror. Tonight its main character was indicted on charges of being nubile and sentenced to six days underwater without air. The Evil Podiatrist knew this would not matter. Nothing mattered on City Slab Horror. It had been on the air for seventeen years and had yet to approach narrative consistency. The Evil Podiatrist never missed it. City Slab Horror was his favorite television program.
Next: Chew A Flashlight, You Garbled Young Bastards