life
so, in less than 12 hours i will be moving.
exactly 17 months to the day.
its been nuts, and i've been up and down
and i can't even say now i am 100% chill.
since i don't post in here often. no one here really knows what's gone down.
and i have pages upon pages filled of tangible evidence.
songs i've sung to the rafters of the garage know.
my brandy tonight knows.
i have more to pack.
christmas was mellow.
the boy is sleeping in the bed in the room we vacated last christmas.
ours is ready for the truck.
and our tiny room. in our tiny shared apartment, steps from the beach.
i'm good at living far removed from civilation... i have survived it.
i know how to make it work.
i wish i could tell each one of my friends the thousands of ways i love them, with out being a cheesehead that they'd rather spread on crackers and eat to get rid of than look at.
i wish i could let them love me without being paranoid that it's false.
i have so much more ahead of me, than i do behind me, and it has been uphill for so long, i'd like to level out for a while if that is ok.
this doesn't make much sense right now. i don't expect it to. i'm back to writing for the sake of it. typing for the purpose of it. so whoever reads this, if anyone does still... for this moment, i'm thinking and praying that your lives are well. if even for the moment.
because mine is. at least in theory. at least i am trying to convince myself.
a friend of mine keeps reminding me how i know everyone. because of so many random occurances of connections...that never occur to me. so if i know so many people, than how is it that so few people know me?
i guess it is a direct result of my own inability to share myself with anyone. my bouts of reclusion, then submersion, and i'm again a figment. so here i am coming out of that skeleton closet again.
what do we get? a jaded sense of anyone i suppose.
Happy Holidays. and Happy New Year.
i'm going to vanish again for a while.
love.
exactly 17 months to the day.
its been nuts, and i've been up and down
and i can't even say now i am 100% chill.
since i don't post in here often. no one here really knows what's gone down.
and i have pages upon pages filled of tangible evidence.
songs i've sung to the rafters of the garage know.
my brandy tonight knows.
i have more to pack.
christmas was mellow.
the boy is sleeping in the bed in the room we vacated last christmas.
ours is ready for the truck.
and our tiny room. in our tiny shared apartment, steps from the beach.
i'm good at living far removed from civilation... i have survived it.
i know how to make it work.
i wish i could tell each one of my friends the thousands of ways i love them, with out being a cheesehead that they'd rather spread on crackers and eat to get rid of than look at.
i wish i could let them love me without being paranoid that it's false.
i have so much more ahead of me, than i do behind me, and it has been uphill for so long, i'd like to level out for a while if that is ok.
this doesn't make much sense right now. i don't expect it to. i'm back to writing for the sake of it. typing for the purpose of it. so whoever reads this, if anyone does still... for this moment, i'm thinking and praying that your lives are well. if even for the moment.
because mine is. at least in theory. at least i am trying to convince myself.
a friend of mine keeps reminding me how i know everyone. because of so many random occurances of connections...that never occur to me. so if i know so many people, than how is it that so few people know me?
i guess it is a direct result of my own inability to share myself with anyone. my bouts of reclusion, then submersion, and i'm again a figment. so here i am coming out of that skeleton closet again.
what do we get? a jaded sense of anyone i suppose.
Happy Holidays. and Happy New Year.
i'm going to vanish again for a while.
love.