Whoa
Back to school pretty soon, I've had a lot of time to think about things. A lot of time to change things, and a lot of time to procrastinate changing things.
All in all I've come to realize:
Tom was never so great, as much as he liked to say he loved me, let me stay with him, and for whatever reason let me get so close. He wasn't who I thought he was, and he's never going to be who I was hoping for. He is always going to be wrapped up on one person, the person heloves so very much. And to him, I will always play second. Let him be wrapped up on someone else. What we had was fun, but what we had is also gone. So very very gone. I'm not going to lie, I do miss him. Or maybe just what we did togther-- I haven't gotten that figured out yet. But what we had wasn't real. He didn't even want to be with me, and it's only because I was so persistant that we ended up 'being' together. Heh.
I am far too much of a flirt to have a boyfriend, and I talk to way too many people to let anyone trust me. It's not so much that everyone I talk too I want to sleep with-- no, of course not. haha. Just that I love bullshitting. Bullshitting with people is one of my favorite things to do. Conversation, silly stupid games, silly stupid remarks, perverted, innocent whatever the case. Are. MY. Favorite. And, because of it, no one trusts me enough to believe it.
I must learn to stop comparing and contrasting. Just because one was fantastic at doing this, doesn't mean the other is going to make me feel the exact same way about it.
Steve.
Steve is gorgeous. And steve cares, maybe a little too much but he does. And I Suppose that I should accept the fact that he can't always do everything right, and make me happy 100% of the day. But I do miss him when he isn't around.. but when he is around I can't seem to help but to get mad at him. :\ Heh... I duno..
I guess what it comes down too is i have way too many expectations and I should just learn to chill out.
School is always going to suck, and is always going to be miserable.
I am- never- going to have enough money. Once I have some, I always need more.
It's the seer need that keeps me going.
What I really want to know is why??
:\ MEH
All in all I've come to realize:
Tom was never so great, as much as he liked to say he loved me, let me stay with him, and for whatever reason let me get so close. He wasn't who I thought he was, and he's never going to be who I was hoping for. He is always going to be wrapped up on one person, the person heloves so very much. And to him, I will always play second. Let him be wrapped up on someone else. What we had was fun, but what we had is also gone. So very very gone. I'm not going to lie, I do miss him. Or maybe just what we did togther-- I haven't gotten that figured out yet. But what we had wasn't real. He didn't even want to be with me, and it's only because I was so persistant that we ended up 'being' together. Heh.
I am far too much of a flirt to have a boyfriend, and I talk to way too many people to let anyone trust me. It's not so much that everyone I talk too I want to sleep with-- no, of course not. haha. Just that I love bullshitting. Bullshitting with people is one of my favorite things to do. Conversation, silly stupid games, silly stupid remarks, perverted, innocent whatever the case. Are. MY. Favorite. And, because of it, no one trusts me enough to believe it.
I must learn to stop comparing and contrasting. Just because one was fantastic at doing this, doesn't mean the other is going to make me feel the exact same way about it.
Steve.
Steve is gorgeous. And steve cares, maybe a little too much but he does. And I Suppose that I should accept the fact that he can't always do everything right, and make me happy 100% of the day. But I do miss him when he isn't around.. but when he is around I can't seem to help but to get mad at him. :\ Heh... I duno..
I guess what it comes down too is i have way too many expectations and I should just learn to chill out.
School is always going to suck, and is always going to be miserable.
I am- never- going to have enough money. Once I have some, I always need more.
It's the seer need that keeps me going.
What I really want to know is why??
:\ MEH