Watch that first step there, it's a DOOOOOZY.
So, last weekend I visited Georgetown College. I definitely know that's where I want to be at least for my first year of college. I'm hoping to land in Japan my second or third year of college. But if I do get there, I'm probably not going to come back if I can help it.
Also over fall break, I made my last contact with the only non-family person I loved in this city. I brought him a notebook and a language book to his apartment. Part of me just wanted to break down...and the other part just wanted to run off and never show up in this town again.
If I've been acting kind of odd or dazed...or if I've said something mean to you...please don't take it seriously. At the moment, I'm having a really hard time getting over losing my best friend...he's not dead...we just don't talk anymore. That girl he lives with is slowly draining all the life from him. No longer do I see the intelligent sparkle in his eye or that thirst for something more in life. He seems so dead...and it hurts me so much to see him that way.
In that notebook, I wrote a letter to him telling him that he had better make it to Japan...and to not stay in this town for much longer. If you stay in this town too long, you're in it for good. If I found out that even after I've graduated from college that he has not left this town or done anything for himself...I would be crushed. He needs to break free because he is just too incredible to stay caged up in this town and in that apartment. He is meant for better things.
I miss him...so much. Every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what he's doing or what he's trying to do for himself. Everyday...at random times, I stop what I'm doing...and I get a lump in my throat...and my heart sinks to my stomach. It was especially hard at first...when starting the Japanese club back up at school...the club he had created. I had such a hard time finding a reason to keep it going...to keep me from shutting down completely and dismissing everyone around me. If it weren't for the students who were interested...and a certain previous member who would become the assistant teacher...Japanese club would not be around today. So I say thank you, Kelsey, for giving me a reason to stick around with the Japanese club for a little while. :)
I'd also like to thank...even though this might embarass her...I'd like to thank Kyle (aka Qyle) for showing me a little friendship when I most needed it. And for dealing with my giant purple sunglasses and being happy when I get parking tickets. (You're so mean! LMAO!) And also, I extend my thanks to my Japanese teacher and Akane...for inviting me along to have fun. どうもありがとうございました。
(If the Japanese doesn't show up...it says: DOUMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA)
Also, I want to thank Gackt for his beautiful music and presence...you mean a lot to me, Gackt-san...and I will meet you someday. :) Hopefully.
It's been a really weird year...and I'm not fully recovered. I'm really having a hard time feeling love right now. I'm still trying to deal with not having my best friend who called every night...who I could talk about videogames and theoretical physics with...who I could study and share Japanese with...who would share his life stories with me...who I could be happy around.
Lucas...may you find what you seek...and may you never give up hope. You are meant for better things. あんたは美しいですよ。さようなら、私の愛しいの友達です。
(Using a little slang I guess here. ANTA WA UTSUKUSHII DESU YO. SAYOUNARA, WATASHI NO ITOSHII NO TOMODACHI DESU.)
Love,
Julie ジュリ
A.K.A. 花。
Also over fall break, I made my last contact with the only non-family person I loved in this city. I brought him a notebook and a language book to his apartment. Part of me just wanted to break down...and the other part just wanted to run off and never show up in this town again.
If I've been acting kind of odd or dazed...or if I've said something mean to you...please don't take it seriously. At the moment, I'm having a really hard time getting over losing my best friend...he's not dead...we just don't talk anymore. That girl he lives with is slowly draining all the life from him. No longer do I see the intelligent sparkle in his eye or that thirst for something more in life. He seems so dead...and it hurts me so much to see him that way.
In that notebook, I wrote a letter to him telling him that he had better make it to Japan...and to not stay in this town for much longer. If you stay in this town too long, you're in it for good. If I found out that even after I've graduated from college that he has not left this town or done anything for himself...I would be crushed. He needs to break free because he is just too incredible to stay caged up in this town and in that apartment. He is meant for better things.
I miss him...so much. Every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what he's doing or what he's trying to do for himself. Everyday...at random times, I stop what I'm doing...and I get a lump in my throat...and my heart sinks to my stomach. It was especially hard at first...when starting the Japanese club back up at school...the club he had created. I had such a hard time finding a reason to keep it going...to keep me from shutting down completely and dismissing everyone around me. If it weren't for the students who were interested...and a certain previous member who would become the assistant teacher...Japanese club would not be around today. So I say thank you, Kelsey, for giving me a reason to stick around with the Japanese club for a little while. :)
I'd also like to thank...even though this might embarass her...I'd like to thank Kyle (aka Qyle) for showing me a little friendship when I most needed it. And for dealing with my giant purple sunglasses and being happy when I get parking tickets. (You're so mean! LMAO!) And also, I extend my thanks to my Japanese teacher and Akane...for inviting me along to have fun. どうもありがとうございました。
(If the Japanese doesn't show up...it says: DOUMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA)
Also, I want to thank Gackt for his beautiful music and presence...you mean a lot to me, Gackt-san...and I will meet you someday. :) Hopefully.
It's been a really weird year...and I'm not fully recovered. I'm really having a hard time feeling love right now. I'm still trying to deal with not having my best friend who called every night...who I could talk about videogames and theoretical physics with...who I could study and share Japanese with...who would share his life stories with me...who I could be happy around.
Lucas...may you find what you seek...and may you never give up hope. You are meant for better things. あんたは美しいですよ。さようなら、私の愛しいの友達です。
(Using a little slang I guess here. ANTA WA UTSUKUSHII DESU YO. SAYOUNARA, WATASHI NO ITOSHII NO TOMODACHI DESU.)
Love,
Julie ジュリ
A.K.A. 花。