okay, this is so long, but it was a journal for creative writing, so i went ahead and put it on here
Human nature works in the most bizarre ways. You rarely appreciate how much something means to you until its gone. Every person seems to be wired like that. Like I said human nature is just bizarre sometimes. Me, I just lost a girl to another guy because I didn’t appreciate her as much as I should have. Its not as significant as losing a family member or a friend to death, or as important as a lot of things are or should be. As a matter of fact, its just another episode of stupid teenage drama. That’s another weird thing about human nature, wars are going on around the world, and we’re even getting involved in one. But still the most important things are those which touch you closest and most personally. That’s why the death of a thousand people you never knew will never hurt anywhere near as much as losing one person you knew. It’s stupid. It’s heartless, and its how we’re wired. Anyways, back to the girl though, Lindsey, I lost her, for good I think. They can say as many times as they want that they still want to be friends and talk. But its never the same, and most of the time it doesn’t happen. It’s just one of those things that are the right thing to say when that happens. Doesn’t mean you believe it, you just have to say it otherwise you look like an asshole. It’s my fault though. I had known her since a week before this Christmas, almost four months. In that four month period, I never once stopped to think just how important she had become. I never realized calling her every night before bed was the highlight of my stress-filled days. It never dawned upon me that a girl who felt too guilty to eat meat in front of me just because I’m a vegetarian, as compared to most girls who forget about it and then suggest we go to longhorn steakhouse, was something unique. Out of all the girls I’ve ever dated, out of all the manipulative, lying, emotionally disturbed, stupid, heartless, lesbionic, and suicidal freaks I’ve seen, she was probably one of the only real decent, normal human beings amongst them. And even that just never registered with me. Maybe I’m weird but I keep thinking back to the movie Clerks. Actually, I know I’m weird, but that’s a whole nother monster that I won’t tackle in this journal. Anyways, I keep thinking back to when the great and wise Silent Bob says “Most girls just cheat, lie and screw you over, but only a few’ll bring you in a pan of lasagna at work. You got to keep those kinds of girls.”. It’s stupid in a way, but at the same time its very true in its simplicity and honesty. It’s the little things that make up life, and its the little things that mean the most. Problems that can happen 6 months down the road aren’t so important by comparison to the little things that just make you happy. Lindsey’s the kind of girl filled with those little things. Little things that you can’t help but smile at no matter how bad of a day you’re having. But I was dumb, and I didn’t keep a hold of her when I should have. That’s what kills me most I think. Its my fault, no one else’s. Before I could always blame it on someone other than me. Someone else had done the wrong or made the mistake, never me. But I can’t this time. The girl did everything she could. Waited around for me, refused other guys, accepted every odd thing about me. All of it. But I would always worry too much about what would happen once I went to college, or that I was too busy for her. So now that she’s gone, I worry even more. I worry that I’ll never find anyone again. Especially not anyone that would accept me like she did, and take care of me like she did. So night after night, I’ve been tossing turning, unable to stop thinking about the huge mistake I made.