(no subject)
I think I was up till 2 or so talking to alison while everyone was hanging out. she made a lot of sense i think. I really do try too hard when it comes to girls, expect too much, and attempt to pursue relationships too much. It is kind of dumb, i mean, to almost try to force it like i do, and actually go out looking for it instead of jus letting it happen. But on the other hand...i dunno, if the last three months had never happened...jesus, i really would be very different, for the worse i think. in spite of all the heart breaks, rejection, emotional let downs...just..everything, i've been living for the first fucking time in my life instead of jus waiting and watching. And i've actually made several close friends who i dunno wat i'd w/out cuz of it all *cough ;). lol that was cheesy. anyways, i dunno though, dunnno if its all worth it anymore. dunno if i really wanna deal with it anymore. i don't think i do. I was thinking i might just stop getting on-line from now on, or at the very most get a new sn with jus my close friends on it, cuz on-line seems to be the place where most the shit happens for some weird reason. dunno dunno dunno...god i say that word too much...