My soul belongs to the crystal blue waters
As I walk across the scorching hot concrete to the vibrant blue water. I deep my feet in just to get a taste of temperature my whole body will experience. Unsure if I am willing to plunge my whole body into the crystal clear water. I back away from the water, then at full speed sprint I run, jumping head first in to the blue abyss.
The water has become murky from my splash, and I am underneath the cool, cold water. I'm swimming through the depths with great speed. My lungs are slowly losing air, but I know I can make it just another 10 feet before I come up for air. I keep swimming. struggling for Air when I reach the surface. Making it to the shallow end of the water. Only to realize I just cleared my head of everything, and everyone swimming in the vast open water. No cares, no worries. Plunging to the depths of nothing but you and the water to cleanse away the dirt and grime. The sins of the flesh.
When I am in a relationship, all I can think about is trying to make it 10 more feet, and holding my breathe. Plunging head first. Waiting for something to happen. But when the relationship becomes intense, obligatory. I can never catch my breath. I struggle. I'm drowning. I feel the water has no ends, and that I can't rise for sweet oxygen. All my senses are numb, and the thing I love the most is the end of me. Water, love, affection
Today I sat thinking of every relationship that I have been in. I have wasted time, energy. Only to make it to the shallow end. Leaving all those I cared about behind. I am not ready for a relationship, how immature I was to think I was. I'm not ready for anything serious. I hate having obligations to someone I shouldn't have anytoo. I hate it. I care about the person greatly, and adore them, lavish affection on them, but I perfer them to leave me be. I perfer them to be as cold as what I can be, cool as the crystal blue waters that I love so much.
I can not think anymore....all the emotions that posses me...gone.
Cheers