I read it all! I had completely forgotten about my little nudge-fest the other day. Everybody on my flist who hadn't posted in a week or more got poked. And I am very happy that somebody paid attention to me!!!
Re: Jayna and therapy, my unsolicited opinion is that you should just let it go and stop mentioning it to her. After my mother died, my uncles forced me into therapy and it was awful. I spent a lot of time lying to my shrink and that just made things worse in the long run - I just wanted to chill out and deal on my own, and I hated this stranger prying into my life, even if that was her job.
Eventually it ended because I would make appointments and then "forget" about them, and once my uncle got a couple of the $150 missed-appointment bills, we got into a huge fight and I told him that I wasn't going back and I'd keep doing that unless he just let me bail entirely. I was either fourteen or fifteen.
My aunt kept telling me I needed to go back to therapy after that and I completely refused. I had lost all trust with my first therapist, and I wasn't anxious to start with a stranger. Also, the way that my aunt kept pushing the subject, I just wanted to push back and prove that there was nothing wrong with me that I couldn't fix myself.
It took me until last year to get past it and realize that I actually needed somebody to talk to in that capacity, and it was the right time for me. It had to be my step. And I know Jayna's still really young, but consistent suggestions of therapy feel negative no matter how old you are. I know it's irrational, but it always felt like a reminder that I just wasn't strong enough to hold myself up.
And that is and is not the case. My doctor helps me a lot, but I go into every session with clear objectives and I'm so close to him that everything is out there. If she's not 100% into the idea, then it'll be useless - like you said, she might just clam up.
My friend Manuel (he is a psychiatrist somewhere in Cambridge - I can never remember which hospital) once told me that there is nothing more difficult than a patient who just won't help the doctor, because he gets stuck feeling helpless and everybody is miserable and people miss the connection.
I think I'm really lucky that I managed to get out of the anti-therapy mindset from where I was, but I also can't help but think that it probably would have been a lot easier if I'd done it when I was ready.
Of course, then I also wouldn't have had my doctor as he's awesome and famous now but was still in college when I would've needed him as a teenager. So it all worked out.
THIS IS THE LONGEST COMMENT EVER. I hope Jayna is okay. How old is she now, anyway?
The way I feel about the therapy, (and I could be way off but my views on things are different than most people's) it was just a lie. And, in my opinion, a pretty creative one, at that. If she was going around sleeping with boys or destroying property or getting violent with herself or others, it'd be totally different. I'm not saying it's not disturbing, because it is and it was, but I see it as just another way of jumping up and down shouting "Mommy! Look! Look at me! Watch this mommy!" and not serious or damaging enough to warrant therapy. She wanted attention, she got it, and she owned up and showed remorse for it. Forcing her into therapy because of it will only cause further damage, in my opinion. I think it just needs to be forgotten and filed under 'Dumb things Jayna has done.' I'm keeping a really close eye on her, though, but I've always done that.
I'm glad to hear that you're dealing with stuff. Even if it took a while for you to be able to deal with losing your mom, which is devastating, I can imagine, you're doing it now and that's just great.
Re: Jayna and therapy, my unsolicited opinion is that you should just let it go and stop mentioning it to her. After my mother died, my uncles forced me into therapy and it was awful. I spent a lot of time lying to my shrink and that just made things worse in the long run - I just wanted to chill out and deal on my own, and I hated this stranger prying into my life, even if that was her job.
Eventually it ended because I would make appointments and then "forget" about them, and once my uncle got a couple of the $150 missed-appointment bills, we got into a huge fight and I told him that I wasn't going back and I'd keep doing that unless he just let me bail entirely. I was either fourteen or fifteen.
My aunt kept telling me I needed to go back to therapy after that and I completely refused. I had lost all trust with my first therapist, and I wasn't anxious to start with a stranger. Also, the way that my aunt kept pushing the subject, I just wanted to push back and prove that there was nothing wrong with me that I couldn't fix myself.
It took me until last year to get past it and realize that I actually needed somebody to talk to in that capacity, and it was the right time for me. It had to be my step. And I know Jayna's still really young, but consistent suggestions of therapy feel negative no matter how old you are. I know it's irrational, but it always felt like a reminder that I just wasn't strong enough to hold myself up.
And that is and is not the case. My doctor helps me a lot, but I go into every session with clear objectives and I'm so close to him that everything is out there. If she's not 100% into the idea, then it'll be useless - like you said, she might just clam up.
My friend Manuel (he is a psychiatrist somewhere in Cambridge - I can never remember which hospital) once told me that there is nothing more difficult than a patient who just won't help the doctor, because he gets stuck feeling helpless and everybody is miserable and people miss the connection.
I think I'm really lucky that I managed to get out of the anti-therapy mindset from where I was, but I also can't help but think that it probably would have been a lot easier if I'd done it when I was ready.
Of course, then I also wouldn't have had my doctor as he's awesome and famous now but was still in college when I would've needed him as a teenager. So it all worked out.
THIS IS THE LONGEST COMMENT EVER. I hope Jayna is okay. How old is she now, anyway?
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The way I feel about the therapy, (and I could be way off but my views on things are different than most people's) it was just a lie. And, in my opinion, a pretty creative one, at that. If she was going around sleeping with boys or destroying property or getting violent with herself or others, it'd be totally different. I'm not saying it's not disturbing, because it is and it was, but I see it as just another way of jumping up and down shouting "Mommy! Look! Look at me! Watch this mommy!" and not serious or damaging enough to warrant therapy. She wanted attention, she got it, and she owned up and showed remorse for it. Forcing her into therapy because of it will only cause further damage, in my opinion. I think it just needs to be forgotten and filed under 'Dumb things Jayna has done.' I'm keeping a really close eye on her, though, but I've always done that.
I'm glad to hear that you're dealing with stuff. Even if it took a while for you to be able to deal with losing your mom, which is devastating, I can imagine, you're doing it now and that's just great.
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