"I'm interested to see who you're going to end up with"
There have been so many people who have had such a huge, positive impact on me and my life. I've come to care deeply for them. But when I look around, not a single one of them are still here. What's one more to the list?
I'm not even sure how to feel right now. Proud, definitely. Upset, of course. Happy, I think? I told him if he decided to grow up anytime soon and learn how to actually respect people, and not only think about himself, that I'd love to continue a friendship with him. I'm probably holding on to the hope that he'll change and everything will go back to "normal." In reality, I know it's not going to happen. But I can't go from holding on to everything to absolutely nothing.
“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”
-Marilyn Ferguson
You know, I was really proud of myself. Kept my angry face on and refused to break down. May have chuckled at the thought that, of all people, Alex Schwartz walked into a room filled of tension. But that's typical of our lives.
Told him I didn't feel respected as a woman, or as a friend. I wanted to maintain a business relationship simply because we needed to and that if it was up to me, I'd push him out completely. I didn't want to hear his apology because I wasn't sure he even meant it, considering in 2 weeks it would probably mean nothing to him.
It was finally said that he should probably go and that we have nothing else to say, but he started to say something. I just looked at him and said he did it to himself. He told me he was sorry and that if I didn't believe him he was even sorrier.
When it comes down to it, I think I believe him. But his actions speak louder than his words and until it actually seems like he's sorry, I'm not interested in listening to anything he has to say. I'm sick of being convinced that he's the guy I've always wanted him to be. So maybe this is a little radical, but I know I'm going to fall back a little. And I want to be able to fall into a healthy medium instead of the same old cycle.
"Can't you just lash out at me and then we'll hug it out?"
I wish it were that simple.
"You know I was on crazy drugs. It's not an excuse, but I was wrong to say that."
Told him he should probably start respecting his body if he can't respect the people around him.
Sure, I sounded like his mom. But I've always felt this way.
He told me he's known for awhile that he was bad for me. Sure, it makes him seem like a bigger asshole, but I'm glad he at least realized it.
"Well, I'm sure you're moving on to better things....and I don't mean a guy."
Yea, it's called standing up for what I deserve and learning to respect myself. I'm tired of settling for something when I know I can do so much better.
Some guy commented on my gloves as there were tears streaming down my face. I will be forever grateful.
There was also a silly eboard member in the Nowl:
"Your eyes are REALLY red. Allergies? Or are you ridiculously high?"
Moron.
"You're a catch, and you know it."
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