Bitey little ideas
It's been a long week and I could do with some nonsense. My original plan was to write my own version of the next episode and race the BBC to the Doctor Who cliffhanger... and try to outdo Moffat in ridiculous, barely-coherent revelations that nonetheless make some tenuous amount of sense. I'm probably going to be bustling around the city tomorrow, though, so there's no way that's getting finished. Instead, I'm just going to summarize my notes, because even half-baked nonsense is kind of fun on the eve of the hiatus of doom (also, you'll all get to laugh along with me if any of this is right).
So! Basically Rory and the Doctor will bustle around the universe for a bit preparing for everything and figuring out where Amy is held. This will take no more than ten minutes of exposition, and most of this exposition will involve Rory retrieving the centurion armor. Just before they kick the doors down, the Doctor reveals that Rory is actually Auton!Rory, because 1) he wanted to keep the real Rory out of this mess 2) he relates better to Auton!Rory ancient memories are useful and 3) Fake!Rories go better with Fake!Amies. Rory angsts for a moment about how he and Fake!Amy could've lived happily ever after if the Doctor wasn't such a jerk, then he remembers his wife, fake or not, is being held in a creepy birthing chamber by aliens of questionable origin and there are still a lot of loose ends to tie up. Then they'll pop in to rescue her just a few seconds after they said goodbye to Flesh!Amy in the TARDIS, because that's how Time and Space work. They come at this time and no sooner because the Flesh!Amy was anchoring Amy to the Doctor and Rory's timeline, making it impossible for them to cross back to any time previous to that moment without interfering with things they've already witnessed (timey-wimey!). Nonetheless, the revelation that it's only been a few seconds for Amy kind of wigs Rory out (as does the fact that the Doctor is focused enough to pilot the TARDIS with that kind of accuracy). Thankfully it takes them a few minutes to fight through the giant space station thing and get past all the evil jedi red-hooded laser-sword guys.
They make it into the center of the giant space station and encounter Exposition About The Flesh. It turns out that it's a remnant of remaking the universe, kind of like universe-level stem cells for making humanoids. (This also explains why most aliens have the same basic body shape). Since the Doctor was psychically connected to it through his ganger in The Almost People, he knows that it's upset that it's nothing but a mirror. This mystery stands through one random flashback scene in which it's eventually revealed that we've been in an alternate universe since The Big Bang, and the Flesh is the basic building block that makes it up. He decides to go all Time Lord Victorious and strikes a deal with the Flesh--it will let him reprogram it into Time Lords, and they get to oversee the universe however they like. But that's a trap, because by overwriting the Flesh with Time Lords, he's effectively ensuring that this universe will be run exactly the same as the old one. After all, that isn't all that different from what Rassillon did in the first place. He plans to use the Time Lord consciousness echoes from the boxes on House's dead planet, but the TARDIS refuses to go back there. He leaves it in River's care and uses a vortex manipulator to MacGyver his way there and retrieve the boxes, but as he gathers the consciousness echoes in the boxes he flashes back to Forest of the Dead. Through a series of leaps in logic, he realizes what the TARDIS meant by "River is the only water in the forest"--her consciousness was liquid enough to escape the mainframe and take up a home in the flesh consumed by the Vashta Nerada (which wasn't consumed so much as pushed into an alternate universe).
Time Lord echoes in tow, he rushes back to the TARDIS, but it's already too late. River, the progenitor to (and only fully-realized consciousness in) the Flesh, has stolen it in an attempt to hightail it back to the Doctor's original universe in order to keep from being overwritten with Time Lord nonsense). Instead of risking himself further by giving chase (the vortex MacGyvering took its toll on him) he miraculously decides to trust the TARDIS to take care of her. He sets up about making the alternate universe into his own ideal--all his old friends, all the companions that he misses, everything. An ideal world. Then the TARDIS comes back with River. She winks at him and he realizes that 1) The TARDIS saved her from the overwrite but stopped short of letting her out of the universe and 2) an ideal world really isn't all that interesting, and he kind of misses his old broken universe. River, having leaked over from the library, is the only part of it that's left, so he runs to the TARDIS, but River hasn't caught on to his revelation yet and thinks he's coming after her, so she dematerializes the TARDIS and flees. He vortexes away after it. 200 years of cat-and-mouse later, in some kinky adventure foreplay gone wrong, she dresses up in an astronaut suit and hides in a lake. The rest is history.
Also there'll probably be something about the Silence. I dunno. Here: it turns out the the Silence are Flesh!Time Lords that didn't quite work out and kind of got all stretchy and they and are ticked off about it, because why should all the Human-looking Flesh get to have all the fun? They are able to toy around with people's memories because they're more strongly keyed in to the Vashta Nerada hivemind that makes up most Flesh consciousness and can manipulate it with their anger.
Oh, right! Also, to keep the Flesh Time Lords from getting restless and spreading to other universes he makes sure they need to be in their universe in order to reproduce. To do this, he builds them a LOOM.
There. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it next week on Wait, Wait Don't Spoil Me.
P.S. Yes, all my public entries lately have been about Doctor Who. Apparently that's the only thing I'm thinking about. Hopefully everyone isn't sick of it yet (because there's still tomorrow).
So! Basically Rory and the Doctor will bustle around the universe for a bit preparing for everything and figuring out where Amy is held. This will take no more than ten minutes of exposition, and most of this exposition will involve Rory retrieving the centurion armor. Just before they kick the doors down, the Doctor reveals that Rory is actually Auton!Rory, because 1) he wanted to keep the real Rory out of this mess 2) he relates better to Auton!Rory ancient memories are useful and 3) Fake!Rories go better with Fake!Amies. Rory angsts for a moment about how he and Fake!Amy could've lived happily ever after if the Doctor wasn't such a jerk, then he remembers his wife, fake or not, is being held in a creepy birthing chamber by aliens of questionable origin and there are still a lot of loose ends to tie up. Then they'll pop in to rescue her just a few seconds after they said goodbye to Flesh!Amy in the TARDIS, because that's how Time and Space work. They come at this time and no sooner because the Flesh!Amy was anchoring Amy to the Doctor and Rory's timeline, making it impossible for them to cross back to any time previous to that moment without interfering with things they've already witnessed (timey-wimey!). Nonetheless, the revelation that it's only been a few seconds for Amy kind of wigs Rory out (as does the fact that the Doctor is focused enough to pilot the TARDIS with that kind of accuracy). Thankfully it takes them a few minutes to fight through the giant space station thing and get past all the evil jedi red-hooded laser-sword guys.
They make it into the center of the giant space station and encounter Exposition About The Flesh. It turns out that it's a remnant of remaking the universe, kind of like universe-level stem cells for making humanoids. (This also explains why most aliens have the same basic body shape). Since the Doctor was psychically connected to it through his ganger in The Almost People, he knows that it's upset that it's nothing but a mirror. This mystery stands through one random flashback scene in which it's eventually revealed that we've been in an alternate universe since The Big Bang, and the Flesh is the basic building block that makes it up. He decides to go all Time Lord Victorious and strikes a deal with the Flesh--it will let him reprogram it into Time Lords, and they get to oversee the universe however they like. But that's a trap, because by overwriting the Flesh with Time Lords, he's effectively ensuring that this universe will be run exactly the same as the old one. After all, that isn't all that different from what Rassillon did in the first place. He plans to use the Time Lord consciousness echoes from the boxes on House's dead planet, but the TARDIS refuses to go back there. He leaves it in River's care and uses a vortex manipulator to MacGyver his way there and retrieve the boxes, but as he gathers the consciousness echoes in the boxes he flashes back to Forest of the Dead. Through a series of leaps in logic, he realizes what the TARDIS meant by "River is the only water in the forest"--her consciousness was liquid enough to escape the mainframe and take up a home in the flesh consumed by the Vashta Nerada (which wasn't consumed so much as pushed into an alternate universe).
Time Lord echoes in tow, he rushes back to the TARDIS, but it's already too late. River, the progenitor to (and only fully-realized consciousness in) the Flesh, has stolen it in an attempt to hightail it back to the Doctor's original universe in order to keep from being overwritten with Time Lord nonsense). Instead of risking himself further by giving chase (the vortex MacGyvering took its toll on him) he miraculously decides to trust the TARDIS to take care of her. He sets up about making the alternate universe into his own ideal--all his old friends, all the companions that he misses, everything. An ideal world. Then the TARDIS comes back with River. She winks at him and he realizes that 1) The TARDIS saved her from the overwrite but stopped short of letting her out of the universe and 2) an ideal world really isn't all that interesting, and he kind of misses his old broken universe. River, having leaked over from the library, is the only part of it that's left, so he runs to the TARDIS, but River hasn't caught on to his revelation yet and thinks he's coming after her, so she dematerializes the TARDIS and flees. He vortexes away after it. 200 years of cat-and-mouse later, in some kinky adventure foreplay gone wrong, she dresses up in an astronaut suit and hides in a lake. The rest is history.
Also there'll probably be something about the Silence. I dunno. Here: it turns out the the Silence are Flesh!Time Lords that didn't quite work out and kind of got all stretchy and they and are ticked off about it, because why should all the Human-looking Flesh get to have all the fun? They are able to toy around with people's memories because they're more strongly keyed in to the Vashta Nerada hivemind that makes up most Flesh consciousness and can manipulate it with their anger.
Oh, right! Also, to keep the Flesh Time Lords from getting restless and spreading to other universes he makes sure they need to be in their universe in order to reproduce. To do this, he builds them a LOOM.
There. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it next week on Wait, Wait Don't Spoil Me.
P.S. Yes, all my public entries lately have been about Doctor Who. Apparently that's the only thing I'm thinking about. Hopefully everyone isn't sick of it yet (because there's still tomorrow).