~*Poor Elephant*~
Laying here why Tory sleeps is sometimes so sad..Yes I know she snores like a elephant..but she also talks in her sleep..and most of the time it's saying stuff like "No" "stop".."please"...Nothing bad has ever happened to Tory that I know of..But I know for a fact I do the same thing when I sleep..(has a recording because I didn't believe them) (I cry in my sleep too from what I'm told..Like almost every night...it's weird that people watch me when i'm sleeping..and that I'm so sad while i'm sleeping..)I wake up sometimes so scared..fresh tears still on my face..and I can't breath...I want to be anywhere but where I'm at because I just know that something bad is about to happen, and I just sit there with my heart pounding waiting and waiting for it to happen...and nothing does..so I lay back down and hold my teddy bear and cry..and wish for sleep again..But I always wait...like the hurt is just around the corner..Just waiting to get me..
I think I'm tired..but i'm not sure..I yawn so much it's hard keeping up with things like that..if I sleep I'll stop thinking...that would be nice..because I know where these thoughts are heading tonight..and I'd rather not travel down those roads again...they all dead end anyway...So I have to turn around and find my way back...long process...
Having another suicide chat..Nobody will ever agree with my views on this..and Yes I know this scares some...but that's my life? ...I know where it's gonna end up..I know what's to become of me...and there is no white picket fence and kids in the front yard...that's not me..that's never going to be me...why?!?...because oneday I'll become her.....and I know it...oneday..I'll just walk away from it all..I already do it...everyone humors me and says i don't..that I already care more then she does...yeah I care...but doesn't mean I stick around...Think of all the times I just randomly disappear?...that I left everyone to wonder?..Yeah I came back..as did she..but that doesn't mean the hurt wasn't there when I walked away...Think about it...I think this one will be comment free..I don't need the pity ..I don't feel sorry for myself..I've accepted and moved on..
Right now I'd rather be anywhere but here...but when I got there..where would I want to be?!?..
I think I'm tired..but i'm not sure..I yawn so much it's hard keeping up with things like that..if I sleep I'll stop thinking...that would be nice..because I know where these thoughts are heading tonight..and I'd rather not travel down those roads again...they all dead end anyway...So I have to turn around and find my way back...long process...
Having another suicide chat..Nobody will ever agree with my views on this..and Yes I know this scares some...but that's my life? ...I know where it's gonna end up..I know what's to become of me...and there is no white picket fence and kids in the front yard...that's not me..that's never going to be me...why?!?...because oneday I'll become her.....and I know it...oneday..I'll just walk away from it all..I already do it...everyone humors me and says i don't..that I already care more then she does...yeah I care...but doesn't mean I stick around...Think of all the times I just randomly disappear?...that I left everyone to wonder?..Yeah I came back..as did she..but that doesn't mean the hurt wasn't there when I walked away...Think about it...I think this one will be comment free..I don't need the pity ..I don't feel sorry for myself..I've accepted and moved on..
Right now I'd rather be anywhere but here...but when I got there..where would I want to be?!?..