The Talk

[evilgrins]

10:34 AM 1/7/07 · There's this thing I refer to as the talk. It happens when I've got a friend that I have more than a casual interest in and I want to take things to the next level. This isn't a "let's have sex" kinda thing, though I've yet to actually date anyone where sex wasn't involved, but something more than a normal friendship and possibly a boyfriend/girlfriend/lover sorta thing.

There's no format to this kinda thing, it just sorta happens at some random point...though now and again I do chicken out. I used to be, believe it or not, exceptionally shy and I get a flash of that every now and again. At most, the one thing each talk ideally has in common is a simple going off to the side, away from prying ears, to have some quality time.

From those I've got IDtags setup for, here's a mix of such talks:

• 
  DKtm: We've had something of a long association from as far back as 1992. Avout 6 years back our conversations became decidedly sexual, not about each other so much as what we've done and a bit of teasing towards each other mixed in. We had the talk the first time she visited me where I currently live, about 4 years back, and she was initially interested in something but it kinda faded that same day. Kinda mutual, we tried, but something was decidedly off. Some people are better as friends than lovers.
• 
  Emily: In most cases I'm the one to initiate the talk but there have been a few rare cases where the lady of interest beat me to it. Like this one; she was the ex of a friend of mine and one night at the club we actally started talking; every chat before that had been beyond brief. A bit of truly quality kissing was mixed in with this but I was kinda hooked as much from the brains as the beauty; she is, to my way of thinking, exceptionally insightful. This went on for about a month or so, each time I made some mention of her over at my
  Bondage·A·Go·Go comm, don't bother looking...all from my former account, and how I was dancing on clouds because of this. Long story short, someone that read there comminucated it to her how I was reacting to her and she felt the need to distance herself; sent me a note one night there in green crayola that's probably still on this cluttered desk of mine somewhere. Her explanation of this was that she felt I had gotten the wrong idea and that was that. Thing of it is the idea I got was I had this exceptionally good kisser for a friend that I saw once a week. As to the dancing on clouds thing...kissing has a very pronounced effect on me. Oh well, we're still friendly and I get a good hug whenever I see her. This one I may not've ever had the talk with were it not for her note...not because I might not've been interested in more down the line but I was content with what we had.
• 
  Gryphon: A former lady love of mine had this one as a friend for years and I knew her a little bit from that. Didn't start hanging our ourselves until just very recently and I suspect I had a thing for her from as far back as that. On her side of things she had a curiosity about me as well that we both would've very much liked to explore but won't. Suffice to say something came up in our talk that kinda put a stop to that. The desire is still there but we're not giving into it. Although, I'm currently engaged in other talks with her as I'd still like to spend a few nights, every so often, cuddled up with her as I sleep.
• 
  Jiji: Not all of my talks are motivated by anything particularly more defined than outright lust; don't knock lust either cuz it can burn a longtime and never go out...which means a very long and happy relationship in most cases. What we have here I personally don't know what would've developed if things had gone ideally but this was certainly an eyebrow raiser. That and a reminder it is better to actually know someone, we'd been around each other for a couple years without actually interacting, for awhile before having the talk. Long story short: I expressed my interest one night and she refused on the grounds that she was too old for me. This is mildly amusing as she's currently married to someone about a decade, or so, younger than I am.
• 
  Kasper: I met her in passing at a convention while I was wooing someone else. She was similarily wooing, or being wooed, this other guy. Took to each other really quick, much with de hugging, and even took a stab at dating briefly. Why is she on this list if we did in fact already date? We had the talk after the fact in regards to her quest. She is determined to find me somebody ideal to have sex with, had a friend of hers named Rex in mind but that didn't pan out like she hoped. We're out on my balcony when the talk kinda started itself about how she was not giving up on this...but if she couldn't find anyone more ideal then she'd have to take me on herself. The talk was interrupted at that point by some damned good kissing; good talk!
• 
  Kelly: This is the reverse of the standard because while this woman hits so many of my positive ideal points we had a bizarre version of the talk. At a convention, where so often this kind of thing goes down, we're sitting outside of the closed Dealer's Room kinda cuddled up and chatting. At some point she initiated the talk insofar as worrying I was going to make a move on her. I assured her this was not the case, that I'd actually come to this particular convention with no intent of making a special friend (not entirely sure why now) and that was that. Ignoring for just a moment that she's not currently on the market, if the talk were ever to be reinitiated down the line I doubt I'd be of the same mindset.
• 
  Kendra: I'd known her a really long time and one day I just realized I was attracted to her. It was literally out of the blue, she'd gone hot tubbing with Jenny & I a couple times and we'd been varying stages of dressed around each other and nothing. We had really good chats a lot. Though
  Warlock who views her as a younger sister took issue before I approached her on this (which is ironic considering when he first met my actual sister he hit on her something fierce) I wasn't so easily deterred. We had the talk at a convention and she was really good about it, went on for about ½ an hour. She finally just let it off as she wasn't attracted to me. No harm, no foul...we still have our quality chat time.
• 
  Monica: Weird in the sense that we've never actually met face to face, I found her by accident skimming a friends friendslist and it's a monor miracle she lives less than 5 miles from me. Reading her journal, as I do anyone else's, I still find myself taken with her predatory sexual nature. Her reading me got her to initiate the talk, my more sexual posts and attitude got her interest piqued. You'd think from all that this would've worked out well, right? Prepare yourself for a shock. What her interest was that she'd call me every so often to come over and fuck each other senseless...then she'd send me on my way. She has no desire to know me as a person, other than LJ stuff, and cannot fathom why I'd want to be friends. Her reluctance on that part kinda kills the deal for me though. From a particular bad sexual experience in my past I refuse to have sex with anyone that doesn't want to get to know me, to at least have a level of friendship in the mix. Our LJ conversations are still what they ever were and I surprise her from time to time by calling her randomly every few months.
• 
  Suzi: I know Suzi through
  niveK who once had the audacity of bringing her to my place to have sex with her randomly somewhere in my house and leaving me alone with a girl I'd never met and was decidedly not interested; we watched cartoons to drown out the sounds coming from elsewhere in my house. Since then she and I, not the random girl obviously, have been fairly close and evil to each other, had one lengthy quality time of amazing kissing, and have been good friends. Recently when she was crashing over we had the talk kinda sleepily and she just told me that she had just never wanted to fuck me. Oh well.