DO NOT PANIC! I just don't like bottling things up...
The 1st time I wanted to kill myself I was 6 years old. The specifics aren't important, what matters is at that age I had no concept about how one committed suicide (certainly in no manner that was available to a kid of that age) fortunately. Because of that, I learned 2 important lessons.
1) Feeling suicidal doesn't mean you have to commit suicide.
2) No matter how bad I feel, eventually I'll feel better.
It also gave me an appreciation for what being suicidal felt like, which is why I can attest to feeling that way about a dozen or so times over the course of my life. It sucks, and it takes awhile to work through that feeling, but it is possible as clearly I'm still alive.
Or just one very disturbed zombie in denial.
I felt a need to express this as I'm in that emotional mode now. Actually, been this way for several weeks. Externally nobody around me can tell (work in an essential field, can't let this impact upon our clients) but it's... hard to describe; very bad.
I want to kill myself quite badly, but I won't because eventually I know I'll feel better.
Well, unless Covid-19 kills me.
1) Feeling suicidal doesn't mean you have to commit suicide.
2) No matter how bad I feel, eventually I'll feel better.
It also gave me an appreciation for what being suicidal felt like, which is why I can attest to feeling that way about a dozen or so times over the course of my life. It sucks, and it takes awhile to work through that feeling, but it is possible as clearly I'm still alive.
Or just one very disturbed zombie in denial.
I felt a need to express this as I'm in that emotional mode now. Actually, been this way for several weeks. Externally nobody around me can tell (work in an essential field, can't let this impact upon our clients) but it's... hard to describe; very bad.
I want to kill myself quite badly, but I won't because eventually I know I'll feel better.
Well, unless Covid-19 kills me.