we all deal with the death of a friend differently...
...I write. Not like posts write but creatively writing write. It's a wonder I don't have a book done by now but the problem is I do my best stuff when I'm unhappy. Want to know the interesting thing?
As a writer...I've never actually exposed you guys to any of what I write before.
If you're facing the hills that Half Moon Bay is beyond you'll notice a couple of things. The beginnings of that winding road that seems to go on forever and an immense body of water on either side of it. Off to the left of the road, before it disappears into the trees is a boat sitting in the water, not too far from shore, and a small beach just there before it gets thick with trees.
Get close enough and you'll see there's a bench there too.
As benches go it's pretty cozy, least it seems that way to me as I'm gazing out over the water. I nearly capsized the boat when I was coming down. Hit the far side of the lake in my second to last bound, shot out over and hit the boat briefly as I'd misjudged the distances, and finally came to rest here. It's where we'd agreed to meet but as usual he was late so I just kicked back and took in the view.
It was very pleasant compared to our usual meeting spot but I wasn't really in the mood to deal with Mercury today. Birds flying in the sky, sun setting and setting off that pink effect off the clouds. It was really quite nice.
Totally opposite of my mood.
Absentmindedly I glanced at my watch, close to the turning of the season and time was still at that adjustable point. It was only a bit after seven o'clock in the evening yet it still could almost be perceived as late afternoon by the lighting. In a few more weeks at this time it'd be black as pitch.
Funny old world.
So, why wasn't I laughing?
I'd had enough bench time and wandered along the edge of the water. Lakes aren't well known for having much in the way of surf, which makes the shore a little unique and mysterious sometimes. With the trees behind me and the water in front it just seemed that much darker and I almost could see fish...or something swimming around in there.
Leaning down I scooped up a rock and tossed it at an angle across the surface. It skipped a couple times before sinking. Scanning for a smoother one I flicked one up, pitched and rolled to one foot and got several skips before it fell just short of the opposite shore. Nice but unsatisfying.
The next one I just tossed up and it came down hard in the middle of the lake with a very satisfying Splup! Decent enough noise but it just didn't do it for me. Tossed a few more in, of increasing size, letting the sounds bounce off my ears and echo a bit before trying something else. It wasn't so much the sound or the throwing or anything really but it just felt kinda nice to be disturbing the surroundings a bit. I could almost do this indefinitely.
Except I didn't see anymore rocks. All that was left was me and the bench.
Turning around slowly I noticed I was still very much alone. No real traffic on the road and no sign of my eternally tardy friend. My eyes quickly fell back to the bench.
I wandered over.
Nothing fancy, typically unremarkable bench. Sturdy wood construction with metal rails holding the frame together. The metal extended further down to a cement base that anchored it very firmly where it was. Scratching my chin I had to admit it looked very securely there.
Sparing temptation, I scanned my surroundings one more time.
Oh well.
Leaning over, bracing my legs, I took the bench firmly in hands and then gave a little tug. It made a distinct groaning sound, as anything well made does when you apply pressure but didn't budge much. Then again, I knew I could do better. Not giving a bit, I stood up fast as I could and hauled it up with me. It was pretty quick, almost fast enough that the sound was like an after effect, but with wrenching tear and a very loud gravelly sound there was now an oblong hole in the cement base and I had a bench.
Over my shoulder, I found my eyes going back to that boat. It had been there as far back as I could remember, way before I got very interesting, and I could never remember it ever having even been moved from that one spot.
Bending my knees a bit and then bouncing up, ducking my head and bringing my arms up, the bench made a very awkward arc over me and then came down over the lake. Wood & steel made contact with long cast aluminum and there was a massive splash.
When I turned around I couldn't see the boat anymore. There was a bit of surf.
My mood hadn't much improved but the destruction had fed the need for destruction a bit.
Crossing my arms and looking around I noticed he still wasn't here. I glanced at my watch.
He was in rare form tonight.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen paused in thought as he kept up his brisk pace. It wasn't so much that he chose to be late as he often misjudged the distance. It was particularly interesting to him as for a guy that was good at existing in multiple locations at the same time, being late was kind of a pleasant surprise.
To him anyway.
Seemed to annoy the piss out of everyone else.
He honestly couldn't recall why he hadn't been somewhere in the vicinty at all. This was very much not like him but his attention had been so drawn to that lightshow that he supposed it wasn't that big a of a shock to him that it was just as enthralling to the rest of him as well. Still, he should probably try and remember to partially ignore this sort of thing so at least some part of him was nearby if a friend was in need.
This particular friend inparticular. Short of Ray not much of anyone else seemed to have the patience to deal with him.
He was just about coming past the moon when he saw the spot they'd promised to meet up. Bringing his rapid step up to a jog wouldn't put him out that much.
_____________________________________________________________________
Wasn't entirely sure why I'd decided to head up into the woods. Was fairly sure it had nothing to do with tearing up that bench or the lack of eternally there boat. Then again, if that thing really hadn't moved in all the time since I'd been a much shorter me it was possible somebody else might notice. I figured that when he eventually showed I'd probably notice and let him know where I was. That or he'd find me.
Jaylhen was pretty good at that sort of thing.
It was a bit of an uphill trudge for a time till it eventually levelled out to something that didn't feel like my feet were naturally angled. I could hear birds around me, smell the trees and something a tad musky like a skunk had been around not too long past. Making sure there was no line of ants along the bark, I leaned back against a tree and slowly slid down till I came to rest on something solid; not the ground but another trunk laying at an angle.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax with each exhalation. Be at peace, be at rest, just be.
I was now very cozy.
I was still very pissed off.
Learned a longtime back I don't mourn well. Really not sure if there's a good way to mourn. It's not like friendships come with a handbook that clearly defines how you deal with the loss of a friend. That'd be nice. Fill out the proper paperwork, do the following exercises, take from the capsule and let your brain process accordingly. Then back to a happy dreamy day.
Sounds nice but unfortunately the reality is nothing like the borchure.
The funny thing (if such a word could be applied) if I'd never actually met her. We'd chatted up a storm, teased and played with each other like we were addicted to each other, but there'd been no face time. No hugging, no closeness, no sharing of foods. I didn't even know her scent and while I knew how tall she was I'd never had the chance to look down at her and smile from my height advantage.
Online relationships were perplexing that way.
Somehow while going through all that in my head I'd gotten back up to my feet. At the last little bit, purely from frustration, I'd brought my arm forward and then slammed my elbow back into the tree. The tree creaked, went through a long period of crackling noises, and then broke off above where I'd hit it. I watched it go down like I wasn't entirely sure what had happened.
It was the dull ache in my arm that really had my attention. While not a pain freak by any standard...it felt good. Like a balm to my deeper ache every little bit of the pain firing off the nerve endings made me feel a little better. I bit my lip lightly, grinding my teeth together from the inside and out and concentrated on that oddly soothing pain.
Then I got an idea.
_____________________________________________________________________
Popping to a stop just above the lake, only about six feet between his feet and the surface, Jaylhen looked around with no Ray in sight. This was where they'd agreed to meet but he couldn't see him anywhere.
A sudden screech of tires and honking, followed by a crashing sound got his attention and he looked sideways and down at two cars that were much less concerned with the damage they'd just done to each other than staring open mouthed at him. You'd think they'd be more concerned with insurance papers and policies than a guy hovering over a lake...
...oh right!
This wasn't exactly where he'd agreed to meet his friend. Looking a bit over he headed to a thin stretch of beach and made contact with the ground. He was pretty sure he had the right place now. Excepting there was no boat on the surface of the water. He looked where it was supposed to be and then refocussed a bit further down and saw it on the lake's bottom with a bench on top of it. It was probably more the hole that had gotten it down there but still.
His gaze went a bit more to in front of him and then back down where the boat was.
He was almost positive that Ray had said the boat was on the surface and they'd meet at the bench on the beach.
Jaylhen crossed him arms and pinched his upper lip in thought.
He was pretty sure that's what he'd been told.
_____________________________________________________________________
The boulder made a very satisfying mess of the trees where I'd thrown it and then more of a thrashing noise as it went down the hill. I wasn't normally one for making a mess of my surroundings, my home certainly, but right now this just felt so right. Heart rate up and pounding, senses on edge, everything seemed more vivid and real. That and the unpleasantness was further and further from my brain with each passing moment.
Grabbing up the tree I'd knocked over earlier, digging my fingers down into the wood, I hauled it around me and threw it across the way. It made a really loud noise as it crashed into the other trees and I loved it.
So I was avoiding.
Avoidance can be nice sometimes.
So can pain.
Not being a slave to the lunar cycle, purists can do that if they like, I stretched my neck and jaw with several sharp cracks and flexed everything. I was pumped enough already that it made it easier than normal and being in the woods just fueled it perfectly. I gasped at the first series of breaks and let them come where they may.
To the best of my knowledge no one has ever done a comprehensive study on lycanthropy in any of its forms. Mostly it's a bunch of obscure texts and it's not like the werewolves are taking notes or writing up compendiums, some secrets are better shared by word of mouth alone. There's no Diane Fossey of the werewolf world...which is good because her bones would likely have been chomped on and buried by now if one had tried. One thing I've confided to friends on the most basic level is that the first several transformations hurt like a bitch but that's to be expected. Literally every bone in the body breaks and heals and breaks again, hundred of times over between the two main forms; there's an interim one closer to the beginning that doesn't hurt much at all and that's not what I was going for here.
Eventually, with practice, once you've learned to change at will rather than when the moon's all big and beautiful in the sky, you achieve a kind of trance like state where you feel no pain. You just feel yourself stretching rather than the actuality of the bones snapping and coming together anew. It's like a zen form of denial but that's not what I was doing now. I wanted the pain, needed the pain, the pain was making that deeper ache fade into the distance.
If only for a little while.
Out of habit I'd kicked my boots off, ditched the belt, and taken off my sweatshirt. The jeans were a torn baggy pair with a lot of give and the t-shirt could stand to be stretched out a bit or torn altogether if that's how things went.
Done.
Finished.
Standing crouched and furry. Lips peeling back over fully developed canines, nostrils flaring catching even more scents than my normally sensitive nose came close to. Stretching much longer fingers on hands, stretching out claws and flexing everywhere as I settled in.
During the initial destruction, tossing losse debris really, the animals of these woods had backed up a bit. While I was changing they'd moved a bit closer for the lack of disturbance and while the pain evident from the sounds I made were disturbing they didn't seem unusual to those that dwelled here. The quiet after as I got cozy was unnerving to them though and they collectively froze, straining their senses to figure out what had just gone strange.
My howl, bursting from my lungs, out my mouth and through the woods sent them scattering as fast as they could in all directions.
_____________________________________________________________________
There were days that he envied Ray's heightened sense of smell. If he had it Jaylhen was almost positive he'd be able to figure out if the guy had been here yet. Course, actually having a nose would probably help that a bit too but really...why complain unnecessarily?
The boat with the bench in it at the bottom of the lake could probably be considered a good indicator.
Stretching a bit, he suddenly felt something distinctly odd. Not unusual odd but more of a familiar odd...which was even odder still. He couldn't quite place it to any specific memory but there it was all the same.
He turned to the woods when the sound came out. It was multi-directional but the center was pretty easy to figure out. It was also not a happy sound. More a deep rooted mix of very nasty emotions coming out all at once.
Ray.
Sighing, Jaylhen turned towards the woods and walked in. He was only a step or two along that way when he heard a massive splash behind him. Peeking back out from the leaves he noticed a very long log was newly floating in the water quite a bit out. He almost looked away when another log came down near to it and then a big rock.
He really began to think that maybe baseball was the way to go.
_____________________________________________________________________
Motherfucking stupid pointless way to go you....
I had a tree in one hand and a large mound of something or other that stunk really bad in the other that I threw in different directions across the clearing. Which was kind of saying something as there actually hadn't been a clearing a few minutes ago. I was fully in the grip of the emotions I'd been trying to avoid and lashing out at everything around me. Anything handy, by which means in reach, was a projectile. There was no target to speak of, just sling it around and let it fly sort of thing.
While changing had allowed me to put my deeper anguish out of my head, I had forgotten that bringing out the Wolf meant going from a whole range of emotions and anything else that I had deep down. It was still me just a bit more ferally inclined. Excepting under the full moon I had the reigns, under it was more me totally at an instinctive level and my rational mind was in Tahiti as far as I know.
The diatribe of swearing was all in my head because it's very difficult to actually form words when your mouth isn't quite in the same shape anymore. I had a muzzle now which was really better for taking deep bites out of things meaty than anything else.
It was fairly pointless what I was doing but I was totally in the zone and loving every minute of it. The exertion, the kicked up stuff and ground torn open was releasing a scents from deep in the dirt that were just putting me into a frenzy. I scooped up a rock with my foot as big as my head and Pele'd it back over my head. Werewolf physique is an agile thing but not for that maneuver and I wound up flat on my back craning my neck back to watch it fly.
This was great but it wasn't enough.
Needed something more.
Bigger.
Coming up on all fours I twisted around till I spotted a really huge tree. So big I wasn't sure how I'd missed seeing it the first time. Then again, there had been a lot of other trees in the way before. It was almost as wide as I could reach in normal form, trunk had to be about 5 feet across. Wasn't actually sure if I could move it but the effort would be therapuetic enough to make it worthwhile. I scampered that way, panting heavily, my tongue lolling as if in the breeze.
I stood at the base of it and looked up.
Close up it looked even bigger. It just seemed to go up forever.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'm fairly certain that if I'd been in human form I might've given this more thought.
However that wasn't the case.
Wrapping my arms around it, least as far as I could reach, I braced with my legs and pulled while hugging.
It barely creaked.
Backing up I cracked my knuckles and considered my options. Option number one...
Getting a bit more room between us, I roared a challenge and charged the tree.
A little dizziness and very sore snout later made me really appreciate the rapid regenerative abilities of my form. I was not deterred though. Which brought me to option number two...
Wandering back about 15 yards or so I located a really huge boulder. I estimated it was about as far around as my chest was currently broad...while I don't like to brag, the Wolf is built. Tossing it up and down in my right hand to get the best sense of the weight, I took a pitcher's stance, sighted down my muzzle (current predatory alignment of my eyes gave me unerring accuracy) and threw it overhanded at the tree.
It was a beautiful shot. Sped rapidly and hit dead center of the trunk right where I'd aimed.
Not sure how I missed it bouncing right back at me. Well, I didn't miss it so much as not register it. Wasn't even me missing it.
It nailed me.
Lying flat on my back, looking up at the night sky, it really was quite pretty.
Still not fitting my mood but I was willing to deal with it while things stopped hurting and spinning.
That fucking tree was going down!
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen was pretty sure he was on the right track. Not only were all the animals running in every direction except the one he was currently heading but he'd had to duck a number of trees being casually thrown his way. He was pretty sure they weren't being aimed at him...
Although, Ray had made no secret of the fact, over the years, that he was less than pleased with his inability to arrive on time. Still, the guy was not in a good mood already about something else so this little rampage was probably not about that.
There was a distinct pause in the things being lobbed all over the place which made him think that maybe it was over when he caught sight of something above him. Leaning to the side, where he could see through the trees, he spotted a rock, about cranium sized, coming down at him really fast. He probably should've gotten out of the way but he only had worked out how big it was just before it conked him in the head.
Lying on the ground, the world swimming around in very interesting way, Jaylhen was a bit bugged he couldn't see the sky. It would probably look really cool right now with his vision all messed up like this. A bit closer to the ground, someone crouched over him.
Looking down on himself, Jaylhen cocked his head to the side, "That looks like it hurt."
Twisting his head to the side, Jaylhen gave himself a very sarcastic scowl, "I so hate you."
"I am you."
"Oh, shut up!"
_____________________________________________________________________
Rolling over, I crawled to my feet and sat staring at the tree. This had become personal, that tree had thrown that boulder at me. I knew it. The fact my head and upper torso were throbbing mattered little to my decision...although it might be effecting my thoughts. No, scratch that! I knew what I knew and there was nothing wrong with my head.
"Hello!" rang out a bit behind me and to the left. The voice was familiar too, like Glenda the good witch from The Wizard of Oz. That was ridiculous though.
Couldn't help myself. I looked.
About 2 inches tall, long gossamer wings, vaguely luminous...
It looked more like Tinkerbell.
Maybe my head wasn't working quite right after all.
It smiled at me, grin was way too big for that little face, "You seem sad and gloomy but this is no way to make things better. Let me show you a happier way!"
Flick!
"Piss off, bug."
Two things to know: when you're that small and giddy around someone in a bad mood, odds are pretty good you're in the right place to get knocked across the woods with no effort. As to the other thing, I said it was difficult to form words...not impossible.
That dealt with I headed up to the tree and growled, grabbing it and straining as hard as I could I heard it stretch a bit. Grinning, which isn't as hard with a muzzle as I once thought, I really put my back into it and stretched too.
Heard a definite cracking that time.
Fortunately it wasn't from me.
Then I heard a vague fluttering coming up from behind me, "It's not nice to hit the Good Fairy of the woods."
Inspiration is a funny thing.
Roaring out, I yanked and twisted at once. As big as it was I couldn't haul it up by the roots but I could damn well tear it from the foundation at about waist level, swivel around and smash that annoying little fairy across the clearing.
Least I think I did. The tree was too damned heavy to hold for more than a little bit, even with the strength boost I get from being the Wolf, so I dropped it. Other than the noise you'd expext to get from a big tree coming down, even from so short a height, there was a tiny gasp that might've been the fairy.
Maybe. Maybe not.
"You know, they say you're not supposed to mess with Mother Nature."
Following the sound of the voice, that damned smug voice, my eyes met glowing red ones set back against indigo skin so dark it made the surrounding night seem lighter. Below those eyes a big toothy grin, filled with rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth.
Jaylhen.
He was leaning up against a tree at the edge of the clearing, arms crossed, looking like he had all the time in the world.
I huffed, "That was hardly Mother Nature."
He strolled up, looking around, "Like what you've done with the place." he stretched his hands around, "Lots of space."
I shrugged. My adrenaline rush was fading. It's part of the reason I asked Jaylhen to meet up with me. Despite how he loved to get on my nerves he was one of the most relaxing influences I knew. Probably why we got along so well.
He was really checking out the carnage I don't to the area before turning back to me, "You do some really good...." his voice kind of trailed off and he got a very what the fuck? expression on his face as he was looking behind and above me. I turned around and saw a very broad expanse of knee. I followed that up to a waist and further, backing up as I did so till I was next to Jaylhen, my jaw just hanging slack.
Big was nowhere near sufficient.
If I had to borrow a term from my childhood I'd probably pick ginormous.
It looked down at me through eyes that had to be at least as far apart as I was tall. It took one thundering step forward and opened its mouth, "It's not nice to hit the Good Fairy of the woods, you fluffy son of a bitch!"
The last thing I saw before I had a lot pressure on my head was a really big fist.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen looked at the very large fist where Ray had been a second ago and followed his gaze up its arm to the big face, "Hey!"
It looked at him.
"Gimmie back my friend you overgrown...whatever you are!"
It ignored him.
He was about to kick the fist when it went up, taking Ray with it, and then came slamming down again. It did this about 50 more times while he watched because he was unsure what else to do. Being that there was no silver involved, even though he could hear bones snapping like kindling he knew this couldn't do Ray any permanent damage. He just wasn't sure what he could do about it.
Being an all powerful cosmic entity with very non specific abilities was sometimes an impediment.
Just behind himself he heard movement and turned to see himself walking up. The other Jaylhen watched the giant smashing its fist up and down a bunch and then looked around, "Where's Ray?"
Jaylhen pointed at the fist, "Under there."
He walked up and together they watched the fist go up and down together.
_____________________________________________________________________
Well, this sucks.
Like I wasn't in a bad enough mood starting off.
The first ten impacts or so, hard to keep count when getting progressively smooshed, I'd tried biting and clawing but that hadn't gone over so well. Whatever this thing was it was composed of forest stuff, dirt and wood and the like. After that I almost had a great idea how to get free but then my head caved in and thinking got to be really tough.
I don't remember much after that.
The next thing I recall was seeing Jaylhen looking down on me from two different directions. This wasn't unusual for him but I wasn't positive it was for the usual reason or if I was just suffering really bad double vision. "What happened?"
"It stopped." from the left.
"Would you believe that big thing was actually that tiny bug." from the right.
I sat up and looked around, feeling very much like a ragdoll, "Is that right?"
"Oh yeah."
"Seems it can do that when it gets really pissed off."
"How you feeling?"
How was I feeling? I had a very general dull ache everywhere, which mirrored the one down deep that had kicked off this whole situation in the first place, but the physical one was gradually fading away. "I think I'm okay." moving fast was doing funny things to my vision, "Kinda sorta maybe."
"About what I figured."
"Let's get you back down the hill."
"Okay." they helped me up and we shambled down the hill. They handed me my shoes, belt, and sweatshirt and, as I wasn't in wolf form anymore, I put them on as we went.
Bit of a blur really.
About an hour later we were seated outside a park in San Mateo, "So you feeling any better?" Jaylhen asked me.
"A bit." I glanced over to where the other one was heading back over with burgers and shakes and stuff.
"Good." he took his food from himself when he got there and set about setting up his plate. I took mine and the other one just sat down and did as his double was doing.
And we ate.
And we chatted.
I still feel like crap for the loss of a friend but it's a start.
We all process differently.
That said, I see the Good Fairy of the woods again I'll make sure to have a flyswatter and a can of Raid handy.
As a writer...I've never actually exposed you guys to any of what I write before.
If you're facing the hills that Half Moon Bay is beyond you'll notice a couple of things. The beginnings of that winding road that seems to go on forever and an immense body of water on either side of it. Off to the left of the road, before it disappears into the trees is a boat sitting in the water, not too far from shore, and a small beach just there before it gets thick with trees.
Get close enough and you'll see there's a bench there too.
As benches go it's pretty cozy, least it seems that way to me as I'm gazing out over the water. I nearly capsized the boat when I was coming down. Hit the far side of the lake in my second to last bound, shot out over and hit the boat briefly as I'd misjudged the distances, and finally came to rest here. It's where we'd agreed to meet but as usual he was late so I just kicked back and took in the view.
It was very pleasant compared to our usual meeting spot but I wasn't really in the mood to deal with Mercury today. Birds flying in the sky, sun setting and setting off that pink effect off the clouds. It was really quite nice.
Totally opposite of my mood.
Absentmindedly I glanced at my watch, close to the turning of the season and time was still at that adjustable point. It was only a bit after seven o'clock in the evening yet it still could almost be perceived as late afternoon by the lighting. In a few more weeks at this time it'd be black as pitch.
Funny old world.
So, why wasn't I laughing?
I'd had enough bench time and wandered along the edge of the water. Lakes aren't well known for having much in the way of surf, which makes the shore a little unique and mysterious sometimes. With the trees behind me and the water in front it just seemed that much darker and I almost could see fish...or something swimming around in there.
Leaning down I scooped up a rock and tossed it at an angle across the surface. It skipped a couple times before sinking. Scanning for a smoother one I flicked one up, pitched and rolled to one foot and got several skips before it fell just short of the opposite shore. Nice but unsatisfying.
The next one I just tossed up and it came down hard in the middle of the lake with a very satisfying Splup! Decent enough noise but it just didn't do it for me. Tossed a few more in, of increasing size, letting the sounds bounce off my ears and echo a bit before trying something else. It wasn't so much the sound or the throwing or anything really but it just felt kinda nice to be disturbing the surroundings a bit. I could almost do this indefinitely.
Except I didn't see anymore rocks. All that was left was me and the bench.
Turning around slowly I noticed I was still very much alone. No real traffic on the road and no sign of my eternally tardy friend. My eyes quickly fell back to the bench.
I wandered over.
Nothing fancy, typically unremarkable bench. Sturdy wood construction with metal rails holding the frame together. The metal extended further down to a cement base that anchored it very firmly where it was. Scratching my chin I had to admit it looked very securely there.
Sparing temptation, I scanned my surroundings one more time.
Oh well.
Leaning over, bracing my legs, I took the bench firmly in hands and then gave a little tug. It made a distinct groaning sound, as anything well made does when you apply pressure but didn't budge much. Then again, I knew I could do better. Not giving a bit, I stood up fast as I could and hauled it up with me. It was pretty quick, almost fast enough that the sound was like an after effect, but with wrenching tear and a very loud gravelly sound there was now an oblong hole in the cement base and I had a bench.
Over my shoulder, I found my eyes going back to that boat. It had been there as far back as I could remember, way before I got very interesting, and I could never remember it ever having even been moved from that one spot.
Bending my knees a bit and then bouncing up, ducking my head and bringing my arms up, the bench made a very awkward arc over me and then came down over the lake. Wood & steel made contact with long cast aluminum and there was a massive splash.
When I turned around I couldn't see the boat anymore. There was a bit of surf.
My mood hadn't much improved but the destruction had fed the need for destruction a bit.
Crossing my arms and looking around I noticed he still wasn't here. I glanced at my watch.
He was in rare form tonight.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen paused in thought as he kept up his brisk pace. It wasn't so much that he chose to be late as he often misjudged the distance. It was particularly interesting to him as for a guy that was good at existing in multiple locations at the same time, being late was kind of a pleasant surprise.
To him anyway.
Seemed to annoy the piss out of everyone else.
He honestly couldn't recall why he hadn't been somewhere in the vicinty at all. This was very much not like him but his attention had been so drawn to that lightshow that he supposed it wasn't that big a of a shock to him that it was just as enthralling to the rest of him as well. Still, he should probably try and remember to partially ignore this sort of thing so at least some part of him was nearby if a friend was in need.
This particular friend inparticular. Short of Ray not much of anyone else seemed to have the patience to deal with him.
He was just about coming past the moon when he saw the spot they'd promised to meet up. Bringing his rapid step up to a jog wouldn't put him out that much.
_____________________________________________________________________
Wasn't entirely sure why I'd decided to head up into the woods. Was fairly sure it had nothing to do with tearing up that bench or the lack of eternally there boat. Then again, if that thing really hadn't moved in all the time since I'd been a much shorter me it was possible somebody else might notice. I figured that when he eventually showed I'd probably notice and let him know where I was. That or he'd find me.
Jaylhen was pretty good at that sort of thing.
It was a bit of an uphill trudge for a time till it eventually levelled out to something that didn't feel like my feet were naturally angled. I could hear birds around me, smell the trees and something a tad musky like a skunk had been around not too long past. Making sure there was no line of ants along the bark, I leaned back against a tree and slowly slid down till I came to rest on something solid; not the ground but another trunk laying at an angle.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax with each exhalation. Be at peace, be at rest, just be.
I was now very cozy.
I was still very pissed off.
Learned a longtime back I don't mourn well. Really not sure if there's a good way to mourn. It's not like friendships come with a handbook that clearly defines how you deal with the loss of a friend. That'd be nice. Fill out the proper paperwork, do the following exercises, take from the capsule and let your brain process accordingly. Then back to a happy dreamy day.
Sounds nice but unfortunately the reality is nothing like the borchure.
The funny thing (if such a word could be applied) if I'd never actually met her. We'd chatted up a storm, teased and played with each other like we were addicted to each other, but there'd been no face time. No hugging, no closeness, no sharing of foods. I didn't even know her scent and while I knew how tall she was I'd never had the chance to look down at her and smile from my height advantage.
Online relationships were perplexing that way.
Somehow while going through all that in my head I'd gotten back up to my feet. At the last little bit, purely from frustration, I'd brought my arm forward and then slammed my elbow back into the tree. The tree creaked, went through a long period of crackling noises, and then broke off above where I'd hit it. I watched it go down like I wasn't entirely sure what had happened.
It was the dull ache in my arm that really had my attention. While not a pain freak by any standard...it felt good. Like a balm to my deeper ache every little bit of the pain firing off the nerve endings made me feel a little better. I bit my lip lightly, grinding my teeth together from the inside and out and concentrated on that oddly soothing pain.
Then I got an idea.
_____________________________________________________________________
Popping to a stop just above the lake, only about six feet between his feet and the surface, Jaylhen looked around with no Ray in sight. This was where they'd agreed to meet but he couldn't see him anywhere.
A sudden screech of tires and honking, followed by a crashing sound got his attention and he looked sideways and down at two cars that were much less concerned with the damage they'd just done to each other than staring open mouthed at him. You'd think they'd be more concerned with insurance papers and policies than a guy hovering over a lake...
...oh right!
This wasn't exactly where he'd agreed to meet his friend. Looking a bit over he headed to a thin stretch of beach and made contact with the ground. He was pretty sure he had the right place now. Excepting there was no boat on the surface of the water. He looked where it was supposed to be and then refocussed a bit further down and saw it on the lake's bottom with a bench on top of it. It was probably more the hole that had gotten it down there but still.
His gaze went a bit more to in front of him and then back down where the boat was.
He was almost positive that Ray had said the boat was on the surface and they'd meet at the bench on the beach.
Jaylhen crossed him arms and pinched his upper lip in thought.
He was pretty sure that's what he'd been told.
_____________________________________________________________________
The boulder made a very satisfying mess of the trees where I'd thrown it and then more of a thrashing noise as it went down the hill. I wasn't normally one for making a mess of my surroundings, my home certainly, but right now this just felt so right. Heart rate up and pounding, senses on edge, everything seemed more vivid and real. That and the unpleasantness was further and further from my brain with each passing moment.
Grabbing up the tree I'd knocked over earlier, digging my fingers down into the wood, I hauled it around me and threw it across the way. It made a really loud noise as it crashed into the other trees and I loved it.
So I was avoiding.
Avoidance can be nice sometimes.
So can pain.
Not being a slave to the lunar cycle, purists can do that if they like, I stretched my neck and jaw with several sharp cracks and flexed everything. I was pumped enough already that it made it easier than normal and being in the woods just fueled it perfectly. I gasped at the first series of breaks and let them come where they may.
To the best of my knowledge no one has ever done a comprehensive study on lycanthropy in any of its forms. Mostly it's a bunch of obscure texts and it's not like the werewolves are taking notes or writing up compendiums, some secrets are better shared by word of mouth alone. There's no Diane Fossey of the werewolf world...which is good because her bones would likely have been chomped on and buried by now if one had tried. One thing I've confided to friends on the most basic level is that the first several transformations hurt like a bitch but that's to be expected. Literally every bone in the body breaks and heals and breaks again, hundred of times over between the two main forms; there's an interim one closer to the beginning that doesn't hurt much at all and that's not what I was going for here.
Eventually, with practice, once you've learned to change at will rather than when the moon's all big and beautiful in the sky, you achieve a kind of trance like state where you feel no pain. You just feel yourself stretching rather than the actuality of the bones snapping and coming together anew. It's like a zen form of denial but that's not what I was doing now. I wanted the pain, needed the pain, the pain was making that deeper ache fade into the distance.
If only for a little while.
Out of habit I'd kicked my boots off, ditched the belt, and taken off my sweatshirt. The jeans were a torn baggy pair with a lot of give and the t-shirt could stand to be stretched out a bit or torn altogether if that's how things went.
Done.
Finished.
Standing crouched and furry. Lips peeling back over fully developed canines, nostrils flaring catching even more scents than my normally sensitive nose came close to. Stretching much longer fingers on hands, stretching out claws and flexing everywhere as I settled in.
During the initial destruction, tossing losse debris really, the animals of these woods had backed up a bit. While I was changing they'd moved a bit closer for the lack of disturbance and while the pain evident from the sounds I made were disturbing they didn't seem unusual to those that dwelled here. The quiet after as I got cozy was unnerving to them though and they collectively froze, straining their senses to figure out what had just gone strange.
My howl, bursting from my lungs, out my mouth and through the woods sent them scattering as fast as they could in all directions.
_____________________________________________________________________
There were days that he envied Ray's heightened sense of smell. If he had it Jaylhen was almost positive he'd be able to figure out if the guy had been here yet. Course, actually having a nose would probably help that a bit too but really...why complain unnecessarily?
The boat with the bench in it at the bottom of the lake could probably be considered a good indicator.
Stretching a bit, he suddenly felt something distinctly odd. Not unusual odd but more of a familiar odd...which was even odder still. He couldn't quite place it to any specific memory but there it was all the same.
He turned to the woods when the sound came out. It was multi-directional but the center was pretty easy to figure out. It was also not a happy sound. More a deep rooted mix of very nasty emotions coming out all at once.
Ray.
Sighing, Jaylhen turned towards the woods and walked in. He was only a step or two along that way when he heard a massive splash behind him. Peeking back out from the leaves he noticed a very long log was newly floating in the water quite a bit out. He almost looked away when another log came down near to it and then a big rock.
He really began to think that maybe baseball was the way to go.
_____________________________________________________________________
Motherfucking stupid pointless way to go you....
I had a tree in one hand and a large mound of something or other that stunk really bad in the other that I threw in different directions across the clearing. Which was kind of saying something as there actually hadn't been a clearing a few minutes ago. I was fully in the grip of the emotions I'd been trying to avoid and lashing out at everything around me. Anything handy, by which means in reach, was a projectile. There was no target to speak of, just sling it around and let it fly sort of thing.
While changing had allowed me to put my deeper anguish out of my head, I had forgotten that bringing out the Wolf meant going from a whole range of emotions and anything else that I had deep down. It was still me just a bit more ferally inclined. Excepting under the full moon I had the reigns, under it was more me totally at an instinctive level and my rational mind was in Tahiti as far as I know.
The diatribe of swearing was all in my head because it's very difficult to actually form words when your mouth isn't quite in the same shape anymore. I had a muzzle now which was really better for taking deep bites out of things meaty than anything else.
It was fairly pointless what I was doing but I was totally in the zone and loving every minute of it. The exertion, the kicked up stuff and ground torn open was releasing a scents from deep in the dirt that were just putting me into a frenzy. I scooped up a rock with my foot as big as my head and Pele'd it back over my head. Werewolf physique is an agile thing but not for that maneuver and I wound up flat on my back craning my neck back to watch it fly.
This was great but it wasn't enough.
Needed something more.
Bigger.
Coming up on all fours I twisted around till I spotted a really huge tree. So big I wasn't sure how I'd missed seeing it the first time. Then again, there had been a lot of other trees in the way before. It was almost as wide as I could reach in normal form, trunk had to be about 5 feet across. Wasn't actually sure if I could move it but the effort would be therapuetic enough to make it worthwhile. I scampered that way, panting heavily, my tongue lolling as if in the breeze.
I stood at the base of it and looked up.
Close up it looked even bigger. It just seemed to go up forever.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'm fairly certain that if I'd been in human form I might've given this more thought.
However that wasn't the case.
Wrapping my arms around it, least as far as I could reach, I braced with my legs and pulled while hugging.
It barely creaked.
Backing up I cracked my knuckles and considered my options. Option number one...
Getting a bit more room between us, I roared a challenge and charged the tree.
A little dizziness and very sore snout later made me really appreciate the rapid regenerative abilities of my form. I was not deterred though. Which brought me to option number two...
Wandering back about 15 yards or so I located a really huge boulder. I estimated it was about as far around as my chest was currently broad...while I don't like to brag, the Wolf is built. Tossing it up and down in my right hand to get the best sense of the weight, I took a pitcher's stance, sighted down my muzzle (current predatory alignment of my eyes gave me unerring accuracy) and threw it overhanded at the tree.
It was a beautiful shot. Sped rapidly and hit dead center of the trunk right where I'd aimed.
Not sure how I missed it bouncing right back at me. Well, I didn't miss it so much as not register it. Wasn't even me missing it.
It nailed me.
Lying flat on my back, looking up at the night sky, it really was quite pretty.
Still not fitting my mood but I was willing to deal with it while things stopped hurting and spinning.
That fucking tree was going down!
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen was pretty sure he was on the right track. Not only were all the animals running in every direction except the one he was currently heading but he'd had to duck a number of trees being casually thrown his way. He was pretty sure they weren't being aimed at him...
Although, Ray had made no secret of the fact, over the years, that he was less than pleased with his inability to arrive on time. Still, the guy was not in a good mood already about something else so this little rampage was probably not about that.
There was a distinct pause in the things being lobbed all over the place which made him think that maybe it was over when he caught sight of something above him. Leaning to the side, where he could see through the trees, he spotted a rock, about cranium sized, coming down at him really fast. He probably should've gotten out of the way but he only had worked out how big it was just before it conked him in the head.
Lying on the ground, the world swimming around in very interesting way, Jaylhen was a bit bugged he couldn't see the sky. It would probably look really cool right now with his vision all messed up like this. A bit closer to the ground, someone crouched over him.
Looking down on himself, Jaylhen cocked his head to the side, "That looks like it hurt."
Twisting his head to the side, Jaylhen gave himself a very sarcastic scowl, "I so hate you."
"I am you."
"Oh, shut up!"
_____________________________________________________________________
Rolling over, I crawled to my feet and sat staring at the tree. This had become personal, that tree had thrown that boulder at me. I knew it. The fact my head and upper torso were throbbing mattered little to my decision...although it might be effecting my thoughts. No, scratch that! I knew what I knew and there was nothing wrong with my head.
"Hello!" rang out a bit behind me and to the left. The voice was familiar too, like Glenda the good witch from The Wizard of Oz. That was ridiculous though.
Couldn't help myself. I looked.
About 2 inches tall, long gossamer wings, vaguely luminous...
It looked more like Tinkerbell.
Maybe my head wasn't working quite right after all.
It smiled at me, grin was way too big for that little face, "You seem sad and gloomy but this is no way to make things better. Let me show you a happier way!"
Flick!
"Piss off, bug."
Two things to know: when you're that small and giddy around someone in a bad mood, odds are pretty good you're in the right place to get knocked across the woods with no effort. As to the other thing, I said it was difficult to form words...not impossible.
That dealt with I headed up to the tree and growled, grabbing it and straining as hard as I could I heard it stretch a bit. Grinning, which isn't as hard with a muzzle as I once thought, I really put my back into it and stretched too.
Heard a definite cracking that time.
Fortunately it wasn't from me.
Then I heard a vague fluttering coming up from behind me, "It's not nice to hit the Good Fairy of the woods."
Inspiration is a funny thing.
Roaring out, I yanked and twisted at once. As big as it was I couldn't haul it up by the roots but I could damn well tear it from the foundation at about waist level, swivel around and smash that annoying little fairy across the clearing.
Least I think I did. The tree was too damned heavy to hold for more than a little bit, even with the strength boost I get from being the Wolf, so I dropped it. Other than the noise you'd expext to get from a big tree coming down, even from so short a height, there was a tiny gasp that might've been the fairy.
Maybe. Maybe not.
"You know, they say you're not supposed to mess with Mother Nature."
Following the sound of the voice, that damned smug voice, my eyes met glowing red ones set back against indigo skin so dark it made the surrounding night seem lighter. Below those eyes a big toothy grin, filled with rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth.
Jaylhen.
He was leaning up against a tree at the edge of the clearing, arms crossed, looking like he had all the time in the world.
I huffed, "That was hardly Mother Nature."
He strolled up, looking around, "Like what you've done with the place." he stretched his hands around, "Lots of space."
I shrugged. My adrenaline rush was fading. It's part of the reason I asked Jaylhen to meet up with me. Despite how he loved to get on my nerves he was one of the most relaxing influences I knew. Probably why we got along so well.
He was really checking out the carnage I don't to the area before turning back to me, "You do some really good...." his voice kind of trailed off and he got a very what the fuck? expression on his face as he was looking behind and above me. I turned around and saw a very broad expanse of knee. I followed that up to a waist and further, backing up as I did so till I was next to Jaylhen, my jaw just hanging slack.
Big was nowhere near sufficient.
If I had to borrow a term from my childhood I'd probably pick ginormous.
It looked down at me through eyes that had to be at least as far apart as I was tall. It took one thundering step forward and opened its mouth, "It's not nice to hit the Good Fairy of the woods, you fluffy son of a bitch!"
The last thing I saw before I had a lot pressure on my head was a really big fist.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jaylhen looked at the very large fist where Ray had been a second ago and followed his gaze up its arm to the big face, "Hey!"
It looked at him.
"Gimmie back my friend you overgrown...whatever you are!"
It ignored him.
He was about to kick the fist when it went up, taking Ray with it, and then came slamming down again. It did this about 50 more times while he watched because he was unsure what else to do. Being that there was no silver involved, even though he could hear bones snapping like kindling he knew this couldn't do Ray any permanent damage. He just wasn't sure what he could do about it.
Being an all powerful cosmic entity with very non specific abilities was sometimes an impediment.
Just behind himself he heard movement and turned to see himself walking up. The other Jaylhen watched the giant smashing its fist up and down a bunch and then looked around, "Where's Ray?"
Jaylhen pointed at the fist, "Under there."
He walked up and together they watched the fist go up and down together.
_____________________________________________________________________
Well, this sucks.
Like I wasn't in a bad enough mood starting off.
The first ten impacts or so, hard to keep count when getting progressively smooshed, I'd tried biting and clawing but that hadn't gone over so well. Whatever this thing was it was composed of forest stuff, dirt and wood and the like. After that I almost had a great idea how to get free but then my head caved in and thinking got to be really tough.
I don't remember much after that.
The next thing I recall was seeing Jaylhen looking down on me from two different directions. This wasn't unusual for him but I wasn't positive it was for the usual reason or if I was just suffering really bad double vision. "What happened?"
"It stopped." from the left.
"Would you believe that big thing was actually that tiny bug." from the right.
I sat up and looked around, feeling very much like a ragdoll, "Is that right?"
"Oh yeah."
"Seems it can do that when it gets really pissed off."
"How you feeling?"
How was I feeling? I had a very general dull ache everywhere, which mirrored the one down deep that had kicked off this whole situation in the first place, but the physical one was gradually fading away. "I think I'm okay." moving fast was doing funny things to my vision, "Kinda sorta maybe."
"About what I figured."
"Let's get you back down the hill."
"Okay." they helped me up and we shambled down the hill. They handed me my shoes, belt, and sweatshirt and, as I wasn't in wolf form anymore, I put them on as we went.
Bit of a blur really.
About an hour later we were seated outside a park in San Mateo, "So you feeling any better?" Jaylhen asked me.
"A bit." I glanced over to where the other one was heading back over with burgers and shakes and stuff.
"Good." he took his food from himself when he got there and set about setting up his plate. I took mine and the other one just sat down and did as his double was doing.
And we ate.
And we chatted.
I still feel like crap for the loss of a friend but it's a start.
We all process differently.
That said, I see the Good Fairy of the woods again I'll make sure to have a flyswatter and a can of Raid handy.