Shaken...
Hurricane Katrina's devastation surrounds us here, in the faces of the adults, elders, and children who flock to our area. I live very close to Houston; the city of Baytown is the place of my birth. All hotels are filled to capacity; because I live close to I-10 East, you can see vehicles lining the feeder road at the rest stops. There were lines to the RV parks. Many gas stations have a waiting time until the wee hours of the morning. All restaurants and stores are packed with people trying to buy food and supplies.
Mom always said her reason for desperately wanting to move was due to Hurricane Carla in the 1960's. Like mothers often do, she predicted that someday the big one would come to our area. With hurricane season still open until November, I have to wonder if we are living on borrowed time.
I'm trying to see what we can do to help. I cannot give blood due to my condition, but Ronnie's job is trying to organize getting their employees to a blood drive station. His company is donating a fleet of their office trailers to assist relief workers and evacuees here and in Louisiana. I imagine that soon he and his crew will make pilgrimages to some of the hardest-hit areas.
We've donated what money we can; I'm trying to get through to some relief centers to volunteer. The lines were jammed yesterday.
Hurricane season here is frightening. Sure, the solution seems simple: move. But our jobs are here; our families are here. Believe me, Ronnie now understands part of my motivation to move is because of this hurricane crap. We're not so far from the coast ourselves; parts of Houston is still rebuilding from Tropical Storm Allison.
What shocks me a little is that even after the massive hurricane damage Florida had this year. People along our coast were still complacent. Damn, people. If you live on this coast, if it happens to Florida five times... shit. Even Ronnie was poo-pooing the suggestion to get a generator. Now it's hard to find one on the shelves. And price gouging is severe on some supplies and services.
The news site http://www.khou.com/ is the best site I've found for local information on shelters, assistance, and volunteer information. I'll find other resources and place them on the sites and on the LJ. I plan to first contact the safehouses in surrounding areas for volunteering; but I'm also willing to help any local drive efforts spearheaded by the magickal community as well. If you know of any, contact me either by replying to this post or emailing me information at emerald @ evilgreeneyes.com. I will pass on information to those in my group and others I know.
Getting on the Net is a little difficult here lately, for my life has indeed changed in a multitude of ways other than the hurricane.
Last week, my nephew moved in with me. He's fourteen. I cannot go into many details -- he's not in trouble, nor is he a troublesome kid. Things beyond his or my sister's control hit the fan at home. He needed a place to stay with some security and support. There was no way in hell I could turn him away.
My nephew and I always got along very well. Ronnie loves kids. He was raised in a very large and extended family (I kindly call his parent's house the "Refugee Ranch"), he has a knack for with kids of all ages. Okay, I had to give up my room for a while. It's a small price to pay. I really enjoy my nephew being here. He's really a damn cool kid. I've never had a problem with him. I'm not blind to the fact that he's a teenager, and this is still the honeymoon period. I know there will be days when times are rough. We have a lot in common, our values are similar, and I firmly believe he can do any thing so long as his heart is willing and he takes charge of doing whatever needs to get done to pursue the life of his dreams. He's been through a lot. His father, divorced from my sister for almost eight years now, has had little to do with him for four years. My sister struggled hard to keep the kids sheltered and fed. He harbors a lot of stress over the many moves, the many broken promises from his father, and so forth. Hell, I think he just enjoys having Ronnie there to talk too.
I can't say it isn't totally stressful, but in our minds it's all worth it. My nephew moving in added another unforeseen benefit to our lives: it is helping us with our marriage. It's not just about *us* any more. I realize now just how lazy our days were. There was really no reason to get up, take care of things. Who cares when it's just two adults? Sure, it gave us freedom; after a while, that freedom can become empty and meaningless. Without children, another person or cause to care about, it is so easy to allow things to get sedentary. We probably wouldn't get so bad off if I was able to have a career that I loved, I'm sure. But things being as they are for me right now, anyway, my nephew moving in is a blessing. I have no doubt that it will force me to manage my pain differently, and hopefully I can become even more immune to it with someone else to focus on. I still have rough days; but this will also become a test for me to see that if I can do enough regular, every-day things that a job (or school) requires.
I've often wondered if my choice to never bear children is the right one. I have to admit that most of my critical outlook about possibly having children wasn't shaped by my own true opinion. My family had a lot to do with it, begging with me from the time I hit puberty and especially after I learned of my diabetes not to have children. They told me that the heartache wasn't worth it, how hard it is financially, and after my illness, well that was reason enough. I have to admit, when I was younger, before my kidneys sucked and I was on all this medication, almost all of my doctors said it was possible for me to have children -- I just had to be damn careful. It's yet another example of how outside influence surrounded and bore down on me. I just accepted it, mostly because of my own insecurities.
However, it would probably mean suicide were I to attempt it now. But damn it, I am happy to have my nephew with me. It's only for possibly a short time, but he could stay with us until he was ready to head off to college is he so wished. Ronnie really enjoys him; so much, in fact, my damn *back porch of doom* received a stack of materials just this past weekend. Yep, he wants to now turn it into two rooms; one room would be my altar room. Oooo...... wouldn't that be nice!
You know, when my nephew came to me one night and poured his heart out, I had a strange yet precious feeling. At that point, all the physical, emotional, spiritual pain, all the friendships and lovers lost and won all the complete bullshit I did wrong to others and others did wrong to me... it led me to that moment in time. That one point in time when I could hold my nephew tight, and tell him he had a place he could always come to... That was something I always wanted for myself, and for the first time I was able to give it to someone I care so deeply about. It made everything so goddamn worth it. If I had to do everything in my life over again, I wouldn't change a damn thing unless changing something might make his life better. I may not be that much of an important person in the world. I never cared to be one of those; if I ever do become one of those, it would make for a freak of nature. That shit means nothing to me -- it meant nothing to me in the past, it means nothing to me in the present, and will not mean anything to me in the future. Anyone thinks that never took the liberty of really getting to know me, or else they might have forgotten that. There were plenty of opportunities when I could have lunged for the dropped ball and made a mint to better my better standard of living and my stature in life. I wasn't always so good that I did not entertain the idea. I was good enough to keep my word, for my own sake rather than any other's.
His stay here may end tomorrow, but it's changed my life forever. It's opened up my eyes to new perspectives. It gives me more faith in my abilities and the abilities of others. It has definitely opened up communication between Ronnie and I. We laugh more, and spend more time together doing things now than we have in the past two years. I am hoping that we continue doing this no matter what happens. We will see.
Crap, it is past eight and I need to pick up insulin from the pharmacy. I can only be online during the daytime now on weekdays, at least until I do something about perhaps moving the PC into the living room or something. I'll try to keep to a Net schedule from now on.
But wouldn't it cause the world to fall to complete utter shit if I ever decided to have a baby of my very own? LOL!
Finally, I did purchase my "new" (well, used -- but new enough for me!) car! It is a silver four-door 1997 Chrysler LHS, a.k.a. "Tig's Couch on Wheels". Man, it is sweet. Blessed demons, it's paid for with our cash and trade-in. All it needs is a brake job. It has 60K miles (a 1997, dog!), immaculate black leather upholstery, the exterior is even scratch and dent free. It has moon-roof, killer diamond/spiral rims with brand new low-profile tires, digital everything -- seats, hugging chairs (meow) and a V-6 high performance engine. It had only one-owner before we bought it. As soon as I sat in that damn car, I knew that more than likely I would drive it home. And after driving it around the block, throwing my poor salesperson around in the seat (my van had no power whatsoever, so flooring the gas was a habit I had to learn to break immediately), I was smitten. I love roomy vehicles, and though it's not big as a moose, it'll comfortably seat four rather large adults. All it needs is a CD player. I can easily guess it's former owners did not have such great need for great technology. All the memory buttons were set to talk radio and fifties radio stations. >:> Tig's going old fogey, a la metal style. My Nightmare Jack skull fuzzies and my leopard-print steering print cover are in place to bring the old gal somewhat into the freaky world of Tig. More accessories to come later.
Now, I originally wanted the Fine-ass Ford Bronco I saw on the lot. There's a true Tig vehicle. It has an extremely fine black exterior and red interior, huge fucking tires with kick ass rims, V-6, 4X4, roller bars... ah.... That's a Tig car. Yet the poor thing also had 156K miles in its system. Damn the luck. Ronnie fell in love; the boy is looking for extra work to see if he can buy it, or something similar. Along with the nephew, it is another incentive to keep up on the bills and help me with a few ventures that could help us get extra cash. It is all going pretty damn good. At least I can safely get back and forth to my appointments, and I'm not stranded any more. I get decent gas mileage, 30 city miles and 25 highway miles. Much better than that piece of shit van I had.
I did a ritual to ensure my interests before we left to go car shopping, too. Considering how things went, I'd say it helped out a lot. ;) So far, it seems my newest ventures into my practices and studies look like they are paying off quite nicely. It's not just the material things; overall, my health has improved since beginning my new experiments back in June. My person relationships are flourishing. I saw many things in divination that showed the events that are unfolding now, that ultimately result in a definitive change in the course of my life that is ultimately positive for my spiritual and physical development. I'm working to make that come true, though I'm sure there are bumps along the way. The end result is what the work is all for.
Mom always said her reason for desperately wanting to move was due to Hurricane Carla in the 1960's. Like mothers often do, she predicted that someday the big one would come to our area. With hurricane season still open until November, I have to wonder if we are living on borrowed time.
I'm trying to see what we can do to help. I cannot give blood due to my condition, but Ronnie's job is trying to organize getting their employees to a blood drive station. His company is donating a fleet of their office trailers to assist relief workers and evacuees here and in Louisiana. I imagine that soon he and his crew will make pilgrimages to some of the hardest-hit areas.
We've donated what money we can; I'm trying to get through to some relief centers to volunteer. The lines were jammed yesterday.
Hurricane season here is frightening. Sure, the solution seems simple: move. But our jobs are here; our families are here. Believe me, Ronnie now understands part of my motivation to move is because of this hurricane crap. We're not so far from the coast ourselves; parts of Houston is still rebuilding from Tropical Storm Allison.
What shocks me a little is that even after the massive hurricane damage Florida had this year. People along our coast were still complacent. Damn, people. If you live on this coast, if it happens to Florida five times... shit. Even Ronnie was poo-pooing the suggestion to get a generator. Now it's hard to find one on the shelves. And price gouging is severe on some supplies and services.
The news site http://www.khou.com/ is the best site I've found for local information on shelters, assistance, and volunteer information. I'll find other resources and place them on the sites and on the LJ. I plan to first contact the safehouses in surrounding areas for volunteering; but I'm also willing to help any local drive efforts spearheaded by the magickal community as well. If you know of any, contact me either by replying to this post or emailing me information at emerald @ evilgreeneyes.com. I will pass on information to those in my group and others I know.
Getting on the Net is a little difficult here lately, for my life has indeed changed in a multitude of ways other than the hurricane.
Last week, my nephew moved in with me. He's fourteen. I cannot go into many details -- he's not in trouble, nor is he a troublesome kid. Things beyond his or my sister's control hit the fan at home. He needed a place to stay with some security and support. There was no way in hell I could turn him away.
My nephew and I always got along very well. Ronnie loves kids. He was raised in a very large and extended family (I kindly call his parent's house the "Refugee Ranch"), he has a knack for with kids of all ages. Okay, I had to give up my room for a while. It's a small price to pay. I really enjoy my nephew being here. He's really a damn cool kid. I've never had a problem with him. I'm not blind to the fact that he's a teenager, and this is still the honeymoon period. I know there will be days when times are rough. We have a lot in common, our values are similar, and I firmly believe he can do any thing so long as his heart is willing and he takes charge of doing whatever needs to get done to pursue the life of his dreams. He's been through a lot. His father, divorced from my sister for almost eight years now, has had little to do with him for four years. My sister struggled hard to keep the kids sheltered and fed. He harbors a lot of stress over the many moves, the many broken promises from his father, and so forth. Hell, I think he just enjoys having Ronnie there to talk too.
I can't say it isn't totally stressful, but in our minds it's all worth it. My nephew moving in added another unforeseen benefit to our lives: it is helping us with our marriage. It's not just about *us* any more. I realize now just how lazy our days were. There was really no reason to get up, take care of things. Who cares when it's just two adults? Sure, it gave us freedom; after a while, that freedom can become empty and meaningless. Without children, another person or cause to care about, it is so easy to allow things to get sedentary. We probably wouldn't get so bad off if I was able to have a career that I loved, I'm sure. But things being as they are for me right now, anyway, my nephew moving in is a blessing. I have no doubt that it will force me to manage my pain differently, and hopefully I can become even more immune to it with someone else to focus on. I still have rough days; but this will also become a test for me to see that if I can do enough regular, every-day things that a job (or school) requires.
I've often wondered if my choice to never bear children is the right one. I have to admit that most of my critical outlook about possibly having children wasn't shaped by my own true opinion. My family had a lot to do with it, begging with me from the time I hit puberty and especially after I learned of my diabetes not to have children. They told me that the heartache wasn't worth it, how hard it is financially, and after my illness, well that was reason enough. I have to admit, when I was younger, before my kidneys sucked and I was on all this medication, almost all of my doctors said it was possible for me to have children -- I just had to be damn careful. It's yet another example of how outside influence surrounded and bore down on me. I just accepted it, mostly because of my own insecurities.
However, it would probably mean suicide were I to attempt it now. But damn it, I am happy to have my nephew with me. It's only for possibly a short time, but he could stay with us until he was ready to head off to college is he so wished. Ronnie really enjoys him; so much, in fact, my damn *back porch of doom* received a stack of materials just this past weekend. Yep, he wants to now turn it into two rooms; one room would be my altar room. Oooo...... wouldn't that be nice!
You know, when my nephew came to me one night and poured his heart out, I had a strange yet precious feeling. At that point, all the physical, emotional, spiritual pain, all the friendships and lovers lost and won all the complete bullshit I did wrong to others and others did wrong to me... it led me to that moment in time. That one point in time when I could hold my nephew tight, and tell him he had a place he could always come to... That was something I always wanted for myself, and for the first time I was able to give it to someone I care so deeply about. It made everything so goddamn worth it. If I had to do everything in my life over again, I wouldn't change a damn thing unless changing something might make his life better. I may not be that much of an important person in the world. I never cared to be one of those; if I ever do become one of those, it would make for a freak of nature. That shit means nothing to me -- it meant nothing to me in the past, it means nothing to me in the present, and will not mean anything to me in the future. Anyone thinks that never took the liberty of really getting to know me, or else they might have forgotten that. There were plenty of opportunities when I could have lunged for the dropped ball and made a mint to better my better standard of living and my stature in life. I wasn't always so good that I did not entertain the idea. I was good enough to keep my word, for my own sake rather than any other's.
His stay here may end tomorrow, but it's changed my life forever. It's opened up my eyes to new perspectives. It gives me more faith in my abilities and the abilities of others. It has definitely opened up communication between Ronnie and I. We laugh more, and spend more time together doing things now than we have in the past two years. I am hoping that we continue doing this no matter what happens. We will see.
Crap, it is past eight and I need to pick up insulin from the pharmacy. I can only be online during the daytime now on weekdays, at least until I do something about perhaps moving the PC into the living room or something. I'll try to keep to a Net schedule from now on.
But wouldn't it cause the world to fall to complete utter shit if I ever decided to have a baby of my very own? LOL!
Finally, I did purchase my "new" (well, used -- but new enough for me!) car! It is a silver four-door 1997 Chrysler LHS, a.k.a. "Tig's Couch on Wheels". Man, it is sweet. Blessed demons, it's paid for with our cash and trade-in. All it needs is a brake job. It has 60K miles (a 1997, dog!), immaculate black leather upholstery, the exterior is even scratch and dent free. It has moon-roof, killer diamond/spiral rims with brand new low-profile tires, digital everything -- seats, hugging chairs (meow) and a V-6 high performance engine. It had only one-owner before we bought it. As soon as I sat in that damn car, I knew that more than likely I would drive it home. And after driving it around the block, throwing my poor salesperson around in the seat (my van had no power whatsoever, so flooring the gas was a habit I had to learn to break immediately), I was smitten. I love roomy vehicles, and though it's not big as a moose, it'll comfortably seat four rather large adults. All it needs is a CD player. I can easily guess it's former owners did not have such great need for great technology. All the memory buttons were set to talk radio and fifties radio stations. >:> Tig's going old fogey, a la metal style. My Nightmare Jack skull fuzzies and my leopard-print steering print cover are in place to bring the old gal somewhat into the freaky world of Tig. More accessories to come later.
Now, I originally wanted the Fine-ass Ford Bronco I saw on the lot. There's a true Tig vehicle. It has an extremely fine black exterior and red interior, huge fucking tires with kick ass rims, V-6, 4X4, roller bars... ah.... That's a Tig car. Yet the poor thing also had 156K miles in its system. Damn the luck. Ronnie fell in love; the boy is looking for extra work to see if he can buy it, or something similar. Along with the nephew, it is another incentive to keep up on the bills and help me with a few ventures that could help us get extra cash. It is all going pretty damn good. At least I can safely get back and forth to my appointments, and I'm not stranded any more. I get decent gas mileage, 30 city miles and 25 highway miles. Much better than that piece of shit van I had.
I did a ritual to ensure my interests before we left to go car shopping, too. Considering how things went, I'd say it helped out a lot. ;) So far, it seems my newest ventures into my practices and studies look like they are paying off quite nicely. It's not just the material things; overall, my health has improved since beginning my new experiments back in June. My person relationships are flourishing. I saw many things in divination that showed the events that are unfolding now, that ultimately result in a definitive change in the course of my life that is ultimately positive for my spiritual and physical development. I'm working to make that come true, though I'm sure there are bumps along the way. The end result is what the work is all for.