Can I just figure it out already please?
Inner family systems, from my limited understanding, is a model of psychology that can help you see the "parts" of yourself in a new light. What is the function of shame, if not to lead us toward empathy, suggests Brene Brown. How does fear and anxiety keep us safe? When has your grief created space for your love, your wisdom? And so on - asset-based, compassionate, self-examination, over and over again, until you can drown out the roaring insecurity and woundedness within.
It is humbling to look all the way back into 2005, and see the same unhelpful narratives, the same delusions of grandeur, the suffering. But also the deep love, and longing, and goofiness. It all worked out before, why not now?
I hear talk of an inner child full of wonder, an inner teenager with curled and fists calling for justice. Ghost-like in the presence of my therapist, but here in this journal they command attention, vivid and solid, forever falling down the stairs or flirting with strangers or whatever else I stopped long enough to write about. The parts of me in this record, reflect the parts of me I carry now.
The truth is a heavy beautiful thing, a slippery fish you grasp for a moment before the splash of escape. You cant see its whole face at once, it won't hold still.
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Hello old friend, you wacky weirdo fearlessness idiot. How on earth did we make it to 36, from 16. What a ride, to remember and rest from, to create peace around with the work of our hands and our heart.