(no subject)
My dearest Elizabeth,
I was frightened I would not be allowed to read your letter, but I have gained an ally among the staff here who has been kind enough (and I suspect moved by my stories of you) to allow me to read it. I would like to begin this reply by once again offering my deepest apologies. You are, and always will be, my best friend. I never intended to make you feel as I have. I make no excuses, and I will not try to offer any explainations here. All I can say is that I am sorry. And I will not speak of any of this again unless you ask it of me. I do not wish to hurt you any further than I have.
In being in this place, I have learned much about myself and why it is I have been so unlike...myself. I am not good at expressing these things, even on paper, and my progress has been slow. But the doctor says, because I want to be better (he does not know, but it is because I want to be the boy who is your friend again) with time, effort, and help, I will become healthy again and no longer wish to hurt myself.
I miss you, my Elizabeth, as I always have when we are apart. But as well, I do not know truly how to be your friend anymore. You have changed so much, and I am still the geeky boy who is still so unsure of these strange thoughts and feelings that are friendship and...Sometimes it does not seem worth the effort to try. You are always so happy with your new friends and it seems as though you do not need me as you did.
I want you to understand, before I am free, that nothing I have done is because of you. No matter what the doctor thinks. I try and explain when I am forced to see him that he is wrong. I do not know if it works.
I would like to now tell you of some people I have met here. If only because you are keeper of all my secrets and I have never, nor will I ever, kept something intentionally.
There is a man. He is named Nick. And he tells me every day of the aliens that came and took him to their ship. And how he has been probed. Everyone is told, but he somehow thinks this is a secret and must whisper all the time. There is also a woman called Delaney. She is frightening and believes I am hiding her baby under my bed.
There is a man who insists he is Jesus, and every day I tell him if he was Jesus, he should cure us all. The nurse named Denise asks me every day for a story of our adventures in Prague to take home to her child, so I tell them. I did not ever know our time together was so entertaining to others.
I wish with all I am you were allowed to see me here, so I could show you these people. But they will not allow it. Soon I will be allowed to return to school, though, and I know Matka and Tatka will not keep us apart. I will be better, somehow, and I will again be this person you were friends with.
I will see you soon, My Elizabeth
My love forever,
Radek