(no subject)

[evilfiresshadow]

i hate this
i hate thiss so fucking bad

how a stupid IM box can hide so much
i'll be sobbing but as i type happy words, nobody knows
nobody cares
and there's nobody i can go to

i have no true friend i can run to and scream about my problems like they do to me
i don't mind if they come to me, i help and that makes me happy
but while i do this, i have no one to go to
i have good friends i relate to in some problems but i can never truely open up to someone
and it kills me.

so i have to type my thoughts and feelings in a damn journal to stop tearing me inside, when it just makes it worse.

because people will read this
i will feel guilty
and i'll never be looked at the same again.

i escaped my depression and now i feel like i'm tumbling back down.
but i don't want to
i'm happy outside of it
i don't want to go back
but i don't know if i have a choice.

i can't even turn to some false god for help, i just have myself and i hate it.
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this so fucking bad

I just sound like some teenager drowning in my own sorrows so forgive me but i really feel alone.

i'm just so god damn alone in this pathetic world while people think i'm happy.

so i'm just a good actress
while inside i'm screaming
crying
tearing.

god..make it stop