(no subject)
Why do I try?.. You know?.. 'Bout ready to just give up. Yesterday everything was so nice, felt like the old times..Just today.. First day of the new year ya' know? Didn't expect to get hurt... Hurts twice as much now. And those pains are back... Such a little girl.
You know, I lie to this journal and to my other one. Never admit to the full extent of my emotions, mostly they're tucked away. Typical.. Boy, I'm typical... Yeah, and I'm ranting to a big box because there's no one else. Okay? No one.
I know you're all my friends.. and you say that I could talk to you.. But I can't alright? Okay, shoot me.. The only person I've really confided to is Suja because I trust her and she understands.. And says all the right things...
Okay, yes, I'm going to rant because I'm already started. I called Ken today, wanting to apologize for something I said and well, he said he felt bad... so I wanted to console him a bit.. I call and Erin's there.. I get the pang and I say goodbye real fast. First thing I want to do is cry, okay? Boo-hoo little baby girl me. It hurts everytime.. Now I really don't want to call him anymore because I don't want to hear that she's there. I can't handle it. And you want to know something everyday so far, I've cried myself to sleep. Okay? And everytime when I lie down for bed the image of them two together comes up in my head.. It's like I enjoy torturing myself.. Isn't it wonderful..? And watch now, someone else gets hurt by everything I say.. Then I gotta go in and fulfill my job in life... This is what I do, listen and try to console.. Beggar can't be a giver, as they say... I'm done. There's loads more stuff but this is all a pain and is going to pain someone enough..
Well, Ken, this is what I wanted to tell you on the phone, well sort of..
"I'm sorry for what I said..-sigh- when I wrote that.. was really... really.. depressed. You weren't there.. Everyone was having their problems.. and I put did that buring thing that I usually do and tried to console them without much avail. I didn't help them much and it made me more depressed because they had gone off to care to their own affairs.. and I was feeling bad, wanting someone to just talk with me... No one was there but Jake.. and he was making things worse... and I'm sorry. Forgive me.
I drove today for the first time today if anyone cares..
You know, I lie to this journal and to my other one. Never admit to the full extent of my emotions, mostly they're tucked away. Typical.. Boy, I'm typical... Yeah, and I'm ranting to a big box because there's no one else. Okay? No one.
I know you're all my friends.. and you say that I could talk to you.. But I can't alright? Okay, shoot me.. The only person I've really confided to is Suja because I trust her and she understands.. And says all the right things...
Okay, yes, I'm going to rant because I'm already started. I called Ken today, wanting to apologize for something I said and well, he said he felt bad... so I wanted to console him a bit.. I call and Erin's there.. I get the pang and I say goodbye real fast. First thing I want to do is cry, okay? Boo-hoo little baby girl me. It hurts everytime.. Now I really don't want to call him anymore because I don't want to hear that she's there. I can't handle it. And you want to know something everyday so far, I've cried myself to sleep. Okay? And everytime when I lie down for bed the image of them two together comes up in my head.. It's like I enjoy torturing myself.. Isn't it wonderful..? And watch now, someone else gets hurt by everything I say.. Then I gotta go in and fulfill my job in life... This is what I do, listen and try to console.. Beggar can't be a giver, as they say... I'm done. There's loads more stuff but this is all a pain and is going to pain someone enough..
Well, Ken, this is what I wanted to tell you on the phone, well sort of..
"I'm sorry for what I said..-sigh- when I wrote that.. was really... really.. depressed. You weren't there.. Everyone was having their problems.. and I put did that buring thing that I usually do and tried to console them without much avail. I didn't help them much and it made me more depressed because they had gone off to care to their own affairs.. and I was feeling bad, wanting someone to just talk with me... No one was there but Jake.. and he was making things worse... and I'm sorry. Forgive me.
I drove today for the first time today if anyone cares..