The deal is real
I'm struggling with a depressive episode right now. It's actually bad enough that I'm considering meds... and I never consider meds. I just can't shake the feeling that I've screwed up my life despite all my accomplishments. Friends have pointed out that I'm not doing so badly my career and stature are fine, but i'm nowhere near where I want to be right now. I made a concerted effort years ago to get my shit together and push forward. I know being perfect was never realistic, but you could just keep moving and build life as a work in progress like a Geocities website. That paradigm shift let me move out a paralysis phase and live life again. I progressed in my career, martial arts and started dating again. Despite putting myself out there, I don't seem to be any closer to building life with a partner. Funny thing is, a few years ago I watched a two of my friends hit the 40 mark and fight some similar demons. It seems to be my turn now. It's the lost/failed opportunities that I'm having trouble moving past and these episodes are the ones that make me feel like a failure. Bad decisions. There are a lot of them. It all culminates to having a rough and intense week then coming home to an empty home and wishing it wasn't so empty. It's at the point that I'm beginning to wonder if I should move out of Boston. I've had my moments, but more often than not, I don't feel at home here. Some of it is the homelife. Some of it is the terrible food that's here. Most of it is just having a terrible time dating here. It's casual and at the point that I seem to be investing alot but not getting what I need in return. I've got an operation scheduled next month. I'm scrambling to find people to take care of me when I'm out. I'm strong, but there are limits.
Yeah the midlife crisis is real. I might as well just buy a Porsche 911 GT3 and complete the cliche. At least it will be fun…
Yeah the midlife crisis is real. I might as well just buy a Porsche 911 GT3 and complete the cliche. At least it will be fun…