Can someone tell me how to make it stop?
I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but lately I have become the ULTIMATE brat. Anything and everything Adam does drives me up the wall. Basically, I am updating right now because I am frustrated with Adam because his phone is broken... I mean, seriously? Well, thursday night he didn't even try calling me or telling me he wasn't going to call me until about 11:30 cause he was at the office and then spending the night at Jake's (meaning he would be using work as an excuse to hang out with Jake and get drunk and smoke cigars). Then on Friday his parents come home from their 3 week long vacation and Adam spends all afternoon cleaning the house and trying to finish 3 weeks worth of school...
I wouldn't realy care at all that he didn't do school or anything, but we were supposed to go to the fair with my aunt on friday... He didn't finish doing everything until almost 10, so he couldn't even meet up wth us at the fair seeing as we left less than an hour after that. Then today, Sam Mekras was having a pool party sort of deal... I asked Adam that morning what he was doing and he was fishing. I figured he wouldn't be out so long, and even if he was, I didn't really care about going to Sam's thing cause I wasn't even sure if it was going to happen and it was a really crappy day anyways. Well, I tried calling him all day and he won't pick up. Finally as I call him while I am getting dressed for church, he picks up. He tells me his phone fell in the water and since I just got a new number last month that he couldn't call me. But when I asked if he was going to church with us he said he had his own church thing to go to and he couldn't make it. I was realy upset but I tried to blow it off. Now tonight I call him and he isn't answering and I figure it is his phone that is acting up again. But I keep calling him, because I am pathetic. And after the 27th or so call, he answers but it sounds like he is keeping keys pressed down so talking really didn't work. A few minutes later I get a call from Jessica Touzet but Adam answers the phone. I asked him where he was and he was at Sam's house. I told him I would just talk to him later then and he said alright. I then asked when he would be coming home and he said he wouldn't be. That he was spending the night at Sam's house. Alrightttt... at this point I am so upset just because I haven't seen or heard from him in what feels like forever and he seems like he couldn't care less. He didn't care when I didn't tell him I loved him before he hung up, twice. And I know I'm being petty... but I can't help it. This isn't anything new either. I have been getting upset for Adam not talking to me or giving me enough attention for the passed month or so. I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, I think about the situation and I get so heated... but then I try to think of WHY I am angry and I can't think of one sound argument. I mean I could understand wanting to talk to your significant other, but I shouldn't be such a controlling freak and HAVE tp have him call me and talk to me for hours every night. And everytime he hangs out with someone other tha me, I shouldn't flip out. I should be glad that he is hanging out with his friends and that he has a life other than me, but instead I am so extremely jealous. I don't know why. I want to be the laid back girlfriend, not one who restricts him, but lets him live his life as he wants. But instead I am jealous of any one person or thing he devotes his energy to other than me. I get upset at him for not caring, and I get upset because I say that he doesn't show his love enough, though I know without a doubt that he loves me. I don't know why I am getting these insecurities lately. I really don't. I wish I could make them go away. I wish I could be the laid back girlfriend I used to be. But instead, I have little life outside of Adam, and everytime I don't have 100% of his attention I flip out. I don't know if he will be able to put up with me if I keep acting like this, I just wish I would stop. I am becoming everything I hate and if I ruin the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, I will never forgive myself. I feel so guilty for always getting upset at him. While sometimes I may have had more reason than others, the only reason I am genuinely upset right now is because Adam broke his phone and he is now out with his friends having a good time. That he has had a good time all day and I have done something close to nothing. I wasn't upset when he didn't call me on thursday night... and I was a bit peeved that he didn't go to the fair, even though I had been dying to go with him. But I wasn't really upset. And I was being relatively successful at talking myself out of being upset for him not going to church with me... because I knew his parents were probably making him go. But I really just lost it when I called him for almost 10 minutes straight, only to find out he had no plans on even talking to me that night. I don't know why though. I don't know why I had to talk myself out of being upset at him for not going to church and I don't know why I get upset when he is having fun without me. Where is this insecurity coming from? I get extremely insecure in our relationship sometimes and it scares me, becuase this never used to happen. I get scared cause we don't talk like we used to... its almost like we ran out of things to talk about. I am an extremely talkative person, but he makes talking damned near impossible. And for some reason I keep feeling like everything I do must bug him, simply based on the fact that it is even bugging me, not really that he makes it seem that way. But the way I have always been insecure in the fact that I feel like one day I am just going to be too annoying to bear. I wish I could get over all this crap, and stop being so emotional. I seriously hate who I am becoming.
I wouldn't realy care at all that he didn't do school or anything, but we were supposed to go to the fair with my aunt on friday... He didn't finish doing everything until almost 10, so he couldn't even meet up wth us at the fair seeing as we left less than an hour after that. Then today, Sam Mekras was having a pool party sort of deal... I asked Adam that morning what he was doing and he was fishing. I figured he wouldn't be out so long, and even if he was, I didn't really care about going to Sam's thing cause I wasn't even sure if it was going to happen and it was a really crappy day anyways. Well, I tried calling him all day and he won't pick up. Finally as I call him while I am getting dressed for church, he picks up. He tells me his phone fell in the water and since I just got a new number last month that he couldn't call me. But when I asked if he was going to church with us he said he had his own church thing to go to and he couldn't make it. I was realy upset but I tried to blow it off. Now tonight I call him and he isn't answering and I figure it is his phone that is acting up again. But I keep calling him, because I am pathetic. And after the 27th or so call, he answers but it sounds like he is keeping keys pressed down so talking really didn't work. A few minutes later I get a call from Jessica Touzet but Adam answers the phone. I asked him where he was and he was at Sam's house. I told him I would just talk to him later then and he said alright. I then asked when he would be coming home and he said he wouldn't be. That he was spending the night at Sam's house. Alrightttt... at this point I am so upset just because I haven't seen or heard from him in what feels like forever and he seems like he couldn't care less. He didn't care when I didn't tell him I loved him before he hung up, twice. And I know I'm being petty... but I can't help it. This isn't anything new either. I have been getting upset for Adam not talking to me or giving me enough attention for the passed month or so. I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, I think about the situation and I get so heated... but then I try to think of WHY I am angry and I can't think of one sound argument. I mean I could understand wanting to talk to your significant other, but I shouldn't be such a controlling freak and HAVE tp have him call me and talk to me for hours every night. And everytime he hangs out with someone other tha me, I shouldn't flip out. I should be glad that he is hanging out with his friends and that he has a life other than me, but instead I am so extremely jealous. I don't know why. I want to be the laid back girlfriend, not one who restricts him, but lets him live his life as he wants. But instead I am jealous of any one person or thing he devotes his energy to other than me. I get upset at him for not caring, and I get upset because I say that he doesn't show his love enough, though I know without a doubt that he loves me. I don't know why I am getting these insecurities lately. I really don't. I wish I could make them go away. I wish I could be the laid back girlfriend I used to be. But instead, I have little life outside of Adam, and everytime I don't have 100% of his attention I flip out. I don't know if he will be able to put up with me if I keep acting like this, I just wish I would stop. I am becoming everything I hate and if I ruin the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, I will never forgive myself. I feel so guilty for always getting upset at him. While sometimes I may have had more reason than others, the only reason I am genuinely upset right now is because Adam broke his phone and he is now out with his friends having a good time. That he has had a good time all day and I have done something close to nothing. I wasn't upset when he didn't call me on thursday night... and I was a bit peeved that he didn't go to the fair, even though I had been dying to go with him. But I wasn't really upset. And I was being relatively successful at talking myself out of being upset for him not going to church with me... because I knew his parents were probably making him go. But I really just lost it when I called him for almost 10 minutes straight, only to find out he had no plans on even talking to me that night. I don't know why though. I don't know why I had to talk myself out of being upset at him for not going to church and I don't know why I get upset when he is having fun without me. Where is this insecurity coming from? I get extremely insecure in our relationship sometimes and it scares me, becuase this never used to happen. I get scared cause we don't talk like we used to... its almost like we ran out of things to talk about. I am an extremely talkative person, but he makes talking damned near impossible. And for some reason I keep feeling like everything I do must bug him, simply based on the fact that it is even bugging me, not really that he makes it seem that way. But the way I have always been insecure in the fact that I feel like one day I am just going to be too annoying to bear. I wish I could get over all this crap, and stop being so emotional. I seriously hate who I am becoming.