The world is my oyster...
...so where is that damn pearl I've been hearing about? They're made out of sand, you know? With a little added pressure and a good amount of time (and some scientific info that I forgot), meaningless little specks of dust can transform into precious drops of... um...pearl. Anyway, I'm giving it lots of time, and I'm definitly feeling the pressure... So why do I find myself with a handfull of sand? Life's been different lately, definitly unlike anything I've felt before. For the first time I can truthfully say that nothing is going on. I know there's something better then this, but I'm just not seeing it. The days have been melting into eachother, time's just been slipping on by. Yesterday it was summer and I was havin fun, seeing people, and doing shit. Now it's December, it's cold and I suddenly find myself alone. I also find that I've no sense of time lately...it's 1:49am and I didn't even know, just two seconds ago I was getting out of Anthro 310 and heading home. Six cigarettes and one meal later I'm ending my day. In the last month I can't say I've done anything interesting, no new books, nothing new to talk about (except for this), and (this bothers me the most) no new emotions. I haven't even been feeling lately... I go places, and I do things, I have a million diffent conversations with quite a few people every day and I don't even remember most of them... What's worse is that I don't really expect more then this, and I'm sure I'm supposed to. I'm just thinking that it'd be nice to feel something intense, hell, to feel anything lately. A few months ago I'd have expected more...but it just seems like my life has become full of "small talk", like I'm watching my life from behind a glass door that I didn't even think was there. I'm afraid that some day I'm going to wake up and hop out of bed, and look in the mirror, I'll be 50, god, maybe even 60, and I'm not even going to recognise my life... I really don't want that.