The Terrors of the Night
That cause me to thrash and shake violently in my sleep. Waking my darling Shinji up because of it and in turn he wakes me up. The night terrors that come to me and cause me to have irregular sleep. The terrors of something that I must acknowledge, the terrors that send tremors through my entire body telling me that something is going to happen, and that something is not looking very positive. I hate that feeling. I feel as though I need to save every single penny I have for something yet to come.
The good news is that I will get holiday pay for holidays starting this September, and in January I get a weeks paid vacation! That is somewhat exciting. So if I purchase any extravagant X-mas gifts for my love'd ones I know i'll have the money back in January.
Tried the weight watchers online Points tracking thing. Lost a few pounds but nothing much. It does not help that my lazy ass has not worked out in a while, but ever since I got Jedi Padawan for Asukakitty all I do is submerge myself in my SWG game. I did quit drinking regular Pepsi and switched to Diet Pepsi and it's not that terrible.
My mom seems to be doing okay and that's good to hear. I feel bad that I have to call her so often just to make sure my step dad isn't beating her. My childhood demons that re-emerged this last January are really starting to annoy me. I wish that I could just bury it over night and forget about it. But watching your mother be a drunk and getting beat by her boyfriend on a constant basis for over 15 years will take an effect on you as an adult. Everytime Shinji and I might have a heated discussion I tend to clam up and just curl into a ball and shut down. He does not really like it because he feels like he is being ignored, and i'm not doing it on purpose. I just have to re-bury my demons and I hope he has the patients to wait for me to do so.
Life in general is very fickle at times. And yet I try so hard to take that carefree attitude of "today is another day, it was meant to be, and it shall be what it will be, and I shall make the best of it and enjoy it the best I can"
The good news is that I will get holiday pay for holidays starting this September, and in January I get a weeks paid vacation! That is somewhat exciting. So if I purchase any extravagant X-mas gifts for my love'd ones I know i'll have the money back in January.
Tried the weight watchers online Points tracking thing. Lost a few pounds but nothing much. It does not help that my lazy ass has not worked out in a while, but ever since I got Jedi Padawan for Asukakitty all I do is submerge myself in my SWG game. I did quit drinking regular Pepsi and switched to Diet Pepsi and it's not that terrible.
My mom seems to be doing okay and that's good to hear. I feel bad that I have to call her so often just to make sure my step dad isn't beating her. My childhood demons that re-emerged this last January are really starting to annoy me. I wish that I could just bury it over night and forget about it. But watching your mother be a drunk and getting beat by her boyfriend on a constant basis for over 15 years will take an effect on you as an adult. Everytime Shinji and I might have a heated discussion I tend to clam up and just curl into a ball and shut down. He does not really like it because he feels like he is being ignored, and i'm not doing it on purpose. I just have to re-bury my demons and I hope he has the patients to wait for me to do so.
Life in general is very fickle at times. And yet I try so hard to take that carefree attitude of "today is another day, it was meant to be, and it shall be what it will be, and I shall make the best of it and enjoy it the best I can"