Back at the Beginning 13.1
We are back, celebrating the 1 year anniversary of this pairing! Hope you enjoy this extra long part!!
Here starts Story 13: Reconnecting
Will Alan and Robert be able to build back up the walls of their fragile relationship? Or are the cracks too deep and too widespread?
Title: Back at the Beginning
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Reconnecting 13.1
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: coclaim100 58 Brutal
Word Count: 2969
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Robert and Alan finally meet face to face, what happens next is up to both of them.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Alan yawned. Was it only just 6:30? He was knackered and ready to take it easy for the rest of the night. He slowed, seeing a hunched figure sitting on the kerb, keeping a wary eye on the person as he got closer. Then the man turned at the sound of his footsteps and recognition shot through him like a bullet. Alan swallowed and forced himself to keep walking, eyes never leaving his former lover.
Robert stiffly stood, legs trying to cramp on him from sitting in the same position for the past several hours. He did a quick once over of Alan, noting the slightly longer hair, shadows under his eyes that meant he was on a filming schedule, and the lack of a familiar smile on his face. Robert swallowed nervously, not wanting to speak for fear of his voice cracking beyond all recognition. He stepped up onto the sidewalk and remained silent, heart pounding in his chest.
Alan noticed right away how much weight Robert had lost. He felt a pang of guilt, but it was Robert’s own fault for getting so worked up. He heaved a silent sigh and walked past Robert towards his flat, motioning for him to follow. It was hard to keep his hands from shaking enough to unlock his front door, but he somehow managed, walking in and leaving it open.
Almost tripping over his feet, Robert followed, carefully closing the door behind him. Alan led him to the living room and sat on the settee. Robert’s eyes ghosted over the sweater still hanging on the hook and then he looked at all the familiar objects around the room, slowing taking in the space and wanting it to feel like home again. Robert choose an arm chair next to the settee and perched on the edge. He stared down at his hands, suddenly fearful of seeing what look Alan might have for him while trying to ignore just how close he was to the other man. If he reached out, he could touch him, caress him, but he carefully kept his hands folded in his lap.
Alan leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, fingers interlaced. He focused his attention at some point over Robert’s shoulder, waiting. He had nothing to say. He should be angry--How dare Robert stumble back into his life when he spent so much time trying to be over and done with him.
“I’m sorry,” Robert whispered into the silence.
Alan shifted his body back against the settee, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. The part of his life that he had tried to put behind him was back, literally staring him in the face.
Robert chewed on his lip, afraid that whatever move he made now could end up being the wrong one. He wanted to reach out and touch Alan, to try to comfort him. But he couldn’t. In the place that he had called home less than a year ago, he felt like a complete stranger.
Finally, Alan opened his eyes and made eye contact. He held the gaze for several long minutes before Robert started to blur and he had to blink several times to clear his vision. Words still failed him. Alan so badly wanted to forgive and let Robert back into his life, but it wasn’t that easy. After all that had happened, all that was said--and not said--how could things ever resemble what they were?
The silence was unnerving him. One chance, he figured. One chance to win Alan back. And this was it. A deep breath. Another. His eyes stung and his tongue felt thick. He looked down at his clenched hands, trying to gather a couple months worth of thoughts. “She...she didn’t mean anything to me...you have to believe that,” he started.
“You know it isn’t about her,” Alan said softly.
Robert nodded. “Yeah.” At least they were now on the same page.
“Want something to drink?” Alan quickly stood, needing space.
“No, I want to talk. I want to work things out. I miss you and I want us to get past this.”
Alan lowered himself back down and rested his hands on his knees, watching Robert carefully. “Can we?”
Robert closed his eyes and swallowed, then looked back at Alan. “How can we not? I know that I have been horrible and had one hell of a time struggling with what we had, but I know that I want this relationship and I don’t want to face my life without you in it. Losing you, trying to get used to life without you in it...I learned a lot about myself. I know more about who I am, and I know I want you as a part of it.”
Alan worried his lip before speaking, the words not coming easy. “I was a tit to you. During all of this. Can you forgive me for being an arse?”
Robert smiled a small delicate smile that did not creep up to his eyes, but stayed localized to his mouth. “If you can forgive me.”
Alan looked down, his face clouded. “Why did we do this?”
Robert felt the world shift around them. He felt a little bit of fresh air replace the stale heavy air that had collected. “I don’t know. I wish I did. It hurt so much to have you ignore me. I would rather you answer the phone and yell at me rather than not answer at all. You closed yourself off when we needed to talk the most.”
“Are you sure you want a wanker as a boyfriend?” Alan looked down, hair shielding his eyes.
Robert sunk down to his knees in front of Alan and took a deep breath. He laid his hands on Alan’s thighs and waited for Alan to meet his gaze. “I have wanted to tell you this for the longest time, but the words always got stuck. I thought that saying them would change us, put more pressure on us. I thought if I said it, that… I don’t know...that nothing would be the same. But I don’t want them to be the same. I want us, I want the closeness I want the intimacy. I want to know that I can call you anytime and you will make me laugh or be there to dry my tears. Alan...I love you.” Robert sank back on his heels, sliding his hands back to his own thighs. His head was spinning. He suddenly felt like one of those young ingénues from Shakespeare that he had shunned for so long. He was a mess and laid his entire heart on the track in front of an oncoming train. He trusted Alan with it and waited, holding his breath, to know how Alan would reply.
Alan’s eyes clouded with tears. He could not believe that Robert had flown all the way to London, and was now sitting there and telling him what he had most wanted to hear. It was almost too much and he wanted to run, to go someplace to think. But if he left now, he might never get Robert back. He needed to stay. Leaving wasn’t an option anymore. He sat forward and rested a hand on Robert’s shoulder, trying to keep his emotions in check. “You are amazing and I am in awe right now. You have no idea. But I am so scared of this...I have missed you terribly and have been such a mess. Stephen would be happy to tell you. Traci, me own sis, called me a tit and a wanker for not trusting you. She...she made me read your letters. I-I had tossed them. Didn’t read.” Alan removed his hand and lowered his eyes. Admitting was so painful. “I was afraid of the words and I don’t know why. Robert, we can take our time. I love you, but I need...”
Robert cupped Alan’s face, tilting the chin up so he could see him. “Whatever you want, Alan. Just don’t stop talking to me. Don’t shut me out again.”
A tear slipped down Alan’s face, loosing itself on Robert’s hand. “I won’t.”
Robert pulled himself up onto the settee and pulled Alan into a hug and they held on to each other, a current of emotion passing between them. Robert’s shoulders dropped and he relaxed into Alan’s embrace. Just the two bodies reconnecting, finding comfort and a growing understanding that no relationship is bulletproof.
Robert broke the spell first, sitting back on the settee. “It is getting late. I know you had a busy day. I can meet you for lunch tomorrow?”
Alan looked at Robert as though he had grown a third head. “Are you mad? You can stay here, not in some hotel.”
“I guess the couch is comfortable enough. Are you sure It’s alright?”
Alan had a sudden desire for a New York winter. “Then it is settled, you can get your bags tomorrow.” He stood and walked back towards the bedroom.
Robert sat back and rested his head on the back of the settee. A few tears escaped. The emotional relief was overwhelming to him. He knew this was where he wanted to be and was willing to fight for it, not give up. But the fight had worn him out. He heard Alan’s soft foot falls returning and he covertly dried the escaped tears.
“Here are some night clothes.” He placed them on the cushion where he had previously been sitting. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower. Maybe we can watch something on the telly after?”
“Sounds good. I will get something to eat pulled together for dinner. What do you want to watch?”
Alan smirked. “Surprise me.” He turned and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Alan closed the bathroom door and sunk down to the floor. Robert was back. He never expected that. Not ever. He had misjudged Robert. Alan was mad at himself for not having the faith that Robert had had in them. He obviously missed something along the way. He had pushed Robert away as hard as anyone could possibly, and Robert still came back, Maybe he really does want this to work out for the long term. Alan, who had pushed and prodded to make Robert notice him, had lost the faith to believe in Robert. Alan pressed his eyes closed and tried to hold back the emotion that was threatening to escape.
Robert slowly walked into the kitchen. He looked down at his hands and noticed they were trembling. He took a few deep breaths and began to reacquaint himself with where everything was. He took out some crackers, cheese and fruit, trying to find enough to put on a plate, so that they both could eat a little something, even though he felt like he had a lead balloon in his stomach. The nerves had coiled in his stomach and seemed to get tighter and tighter. He rested his hand on the counter top and took a few more deep breaths. He repeated all the good things that had happened since he had arrived in England. Alan did not kick him out. They talked. He was still here. He knew it would take some time for them to re-adjust to each other. He just needed to get through the next few days as the shock wore off.
***
Alan stood and turned on the taps. He waited for the water to warm up and then stood in the cramped shower, closing his eyes and letting the water run down his back as he rested his head on one of the walls. He wanted to pinch himself so he knew this was all not a dream. Now that he had what he wanted, it scared the socks off him. How do you act when you have every wish fulfilled? It was a new feeling. Alan was too used to feeling a hole in his heart. It had appeared when his mum died. The hole she had left was still there, but it was smaller, Robert’s love filling up the empty places. He knew that he would always miss her, but now he felt like he had someone to cherish him. Alan wasn’t quite sure how he should act. He was nervous and tired, but he was also happier than he had been in a long time. He finished his wash up and turned off the taps, stepping out and drying off before slipping on a track suit.
Robert had quickly changed into the comfortable nightclothes and set a plate of food on the coffee table. He was bent over looking at Alan’s DVDs, trying to find something they could watch. His finger traced the spine of the first Pirates movie and he felt a small stab. They had tried twice and still had not made it through the whole movie. He noticed two and three sitting side by side as well. Someday they would try again and Robert felt sure that they would not make it again, and that was the best type of movie viewing.
“Bond?” Robert’s fingers hovered over Casino Royale and he looked behind him to see a freshly scrubbed Alan staring back.
“Sure.”
Robert stood, put the movie in, and sat back on the couch, Alan sitting down next to him, leaving a foot or so gap between them. He picked up the remote and handed it to Alan.
Alan let his fingers graze Robert’s briefly as he took the remote. He started the movie and set the reached over to get some food. He had not realized how hungry he was and could not recall the last time he ate. He leaned forward to pick up a piece of apple and cheese. His knee brushed Robert’s and he did not move it away. He sat back, watching the screen, but his attention was elsewhere. “Are you tired? How was the flight?” Alan fumbled with his words, trying to make small talk.
Robert turned his attention from Daniel Craig and turned to look at Alan, shifting his body so that he was turned, leaving their legs barely touching. He reached out his hand and laid it on Alan’s, not gripping or holding, just resting. “It was uneventful, nothing remarkable. I was in New York for just a day or so. House finished up taping…” Robert pressed his hand to his head, hoping that he could reign in his jumbled thoughts. “I guess two days ago, maybe three. The days seem to run together. I guess that happens when you are not working, but I think it also happens when I’m working...I’m sorry. I’m here babbling away, I think I am tired.”
“It’s good to hear your voice. Talk as long as you want.”
Robert squeezed Alan’s hand gently. He wanted to lean in and kiss him, curl up with him, but the frost was still around the edges and Robert wanted to give Alan a little adjustment time to get used to his whole world flipping around again. “Are you still filming QI?” Robert grabbed a cracker and used it as a way to stop talking.
“Yes. Just one more episode to go, then I have some time off. How long were you planning to stay?”
Robert’s face softened. This was what he had wanted to hear. He wanted to stay and make things right, he had to be back in Los Angles in 10 weeks and hoped he could stay right here with Alan. “Well, I only packed for a few days. I had no idea if I would be able to talk to you. But a short shopping spree and I can stay. Need to be back in about ten weeks, which is a long time, but we can see how things go, and have some…”
“I would like you to stay here,” Alan cut Robert off, smiling to reassure him. “We can play it by ear.” He laid his head back on the settee, head tiled towards Robert and closed his eyes.
“Maybe we should just call it a night? Sleep will do us both good. I am pretty tired, and you look really bushed.” Robert reached out and ghosted his fingers across Alan’s hair, letting them linger on a single curl.
Alan sat up, trying not to yawn. “Another good idea.” He stood and reached out a hand. “Come on, let’s go.”
“The couch, I thought…”
“No thinking, just come on. You need to be comfortable.” Alan bent down and turned off the movie. He reached out and pulled Robert to his feet, smiling at the warm hand in his.
“Are you shooting tomorrow?”
They turned to walk down the hall, fingers brushing as they made their way to the bedroom. “I have a few meetings, but not till noon or so. You can come…”
“Maybe. Can we...”
“Of course. Let’s sleep first.”
Robert walked over to what he considered his side and slipped under the sheets. He lay on his back, not quite sure what to do next.
Alan slid onto the other side, turning to look at Robert. He reached out, softly touching his cheek, fingers lingering over the skin. “Good night Robert, I’m glad you’re here.”
Robert’s eyes fluttered closed. "Night Alan. So am I, sleep well." Robert was nervous, but happier than he had ever thought he could be again. It was something he could get used to.
“There is a better than fair chance I will.” Alan switched off the light, but his brain was racing. He felt his very core shivering. This was uncharted territory and he hoped he had it in him, to invite Robert fully back. Robert was here, and that was a good start.
13.2 Cold Oatmeal
Here starts Story 13: Reconnecting
Will Alan and Robert be able to build back up the walls of their fragile relationship? Or are the cracks too deep and too widespread?
Title: Back at the Beginning
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Reconnecting 13.1
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: coclaim100 58 Brutal
Word Count: 2969
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Robert and Alan finally meet face to face, what happens next is up to both of them.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Alan yawned. Was it only just 6:30? He was knackered and ready to take it easy for the rest of the night. He slowed, seeing a hunched figure sitting on the kerb, keeping a wary eye on the person as he got closer. Then the man turned at the sound of his footsteps and recognition shot through him like a bullet. Alan swallowed and forced himself to keep walking, eyes never leaving his former lover.
Robert stiffly stood, legs trying to cramp on him from sitting in the same position for the past several hours. He did a quick once over of Alan, noting the slightly longer hair, shadows under his eyes that meant he was on a filming schedule, and the lack of a familiar smile on his face. Robert swallowed nervously, not wanting to speak for fear of his voice cracking beyond all recognition. He stepped up onto the sidewalk and remained silent, heart pounding in his chest.
Alan noticed right away how much weight Robert had lost. He felt a pang of guilt, but it was Robert’s own fault for getting so worked up. He heaved a silent sigh and walked past Robert towards his flat, motioning for him to follow. It was hard to keep his hands from shaking enough to unlock his front door, but he somehow managed, walking in and leaving it open.
Almost tripping over his feet, Robert followed, carefully closing the door behind him. Alan led him to the living room and sat on the settee. Robert’s eyes ghosted over the sweater still hanging on the hook and then he looked at all the familiar objects around the room, slowing taking in the space and wanting it to feel like home again. Robert choose an arm chair next to the settee and perched on the edge. He stared down at his hands, suddenly fearful of seeing what look Alan might have for him while trying to ignore just how close he was to the other man. If he reached out, he could touch him, caress him, but he carefully kept his hands folded in his lap.
Alan leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, fingers interlaced. He focused his attention at some point over Robert’s shoulder, waiting. He had nothing to say. He should be angry--How dare Robert stumble back into his life when he spent so much time trying to be over and done with him.
“I’m sorry,” Robert whispered into the silence.
Alan shifted his body back against the settee, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. The part of his life that he had tried to put behind him was back, literally staring him in the face.
Robert chewed on his lip, afraid that whatever move he made now could end up being the wrong one. He wanted to reach out and touch Alan, to try to comfort him. But he couldn’t. In the place that he had called home less than a year ago, he felt like a complete stranger.
Finally, Alan opened his eyes and made eye contact. He held the gaze for several long minutes before Robert started to blur and he had to blink several times to clear his vision. Words still failed him. Alan so badly wanted to forgive and let Robert back into his life, but it wasn’t that easy. After all that had happened, all that was said--and not said--how could things ever resemble what they were?
The silence was unnerving him. One chance, he figured. One chance to win Alan back. And this was it. A deep breath. Another. His eyes stung and his tongue felt thick. He looked down at his clenched hands, trying to gather a couple months worth of thoughts. “She...she didn’t mean anything to me...you have to believe that,” he started.
“You know it isn’t about her,” Alan said softly.
Robert nodded. “Yeah.” At least they were now on the same page.
“Want something to drink?” Alan quickly stood, needing space.
“No, I want to talk. I want to work things out. I miss you and I want us to get past this.”
Alan lowered himself back down and rested his hands on his knees, watching Robert carefully. “Can we?”
Robert closed his eyes and swallowed, then looked back at Alan. “How can we not? I know that I have been horrible and had one hell of a time struggling with what we had, but I know that I want this relationship and I don’t want to face my life without you in it. Losing you, trying to get used to life without you in it...I learned a lot about myself. I know more about who I am, and I know I want you as a part of it.”
Alan worried his lip before speaking, the words not coming easy. “I was a tit to you. During all of this. Can you forgive me for being an arse?”
Robert smiled a small delicate smile that did not creep up to his eyes, but stayed localized to his mouth. “If you can forgive me.”
Alan looked down, his face clouded. “Why did we do this?”
Robert felt the world shift around them. He felt a little bit of fresh air replace the stale heavy air that had collected. “I don’t know. I wish I did. It hurt so much to have you ignore me. I would rather you answer the phone and yell at me rather than not answer at all. You closed yourself off when we needed to talk the most.”
“Are you sure you want a wanker as a boyfriend?” Alan looked down, hair shielding his eyes.
Robert sunk down to his knees in front of Alan and took a deep breath. He laid his hands on Alan’s thighs and waited for Alan to meet his gaze. “I have wanted to tell you this for the longest time, but the words always got stuck. I thought that saying them would change us, put more pressure on us. I thought if I said it, that… I don’t know...that nothing would be the same. But I don’t want them to be the same. I want us, I want the closeness I want the intimacy. I want to know that I can call you anytime and you will make me laugh or be there to dry my tears. Alan...I love you.” Robert sank back on his heels, sliding his hands back to his own thighs. His head was spinning. He suddenly felt like one of those young ingénues from Shakespeare that he had shunned for so long. He was a mess and laid his entire heart on the track in front of an oncoming train. He trusted Alan with it and waited, holding his breath, to know how Alan would reply.
Alan’s eyes clouded with tears. He could not believe that Robert had flown all the way to London, and was now sitting there and telling him what he had most wanted to hear. It was almost too much and he wanted to run, to go someplace to think. But if he left now, he might never get Robert back. He needed to stay. Leaving wasn’t an option anymore. He sat forward and rested a hand on Robert’s shoulder, trying to keep his emotions in check. “You are amazing and I am in awe right now. You have no idea. But I am so scared of this...I have missed you terribly and have been such a mess. Stephen would be happy to tell you. Traci, me own sis, called me a tit and a wanker for not trusting you. She...she made me read your letters. I-I had tossed them. Didn’t read.” Alan removed his hand and lowered his eyes. Admitting was so painful. “I was afraid of the words and I don’t know why. Robert, we can take our time. I love you, but I need...”
Robert cupped Alan’s face, tilting the chin up so he could see him. “Whatever you want, Alan. Just don’t stop talking to me. Don’t shut me out again.”
A tear slipped down Alan’s face, loosing itself on Robert’s hand. “I won’t.”
Robert pulled himself up onto the settee and pulled Alan into a hug and they held on to each other, a current of emotion passing between them. Robert’s shoulders dropped and he relaxed into Alan’s embrace. Just the two bodies reconnecting, finding comfort and a growing understanding that no relationship is bulletproof.
Robert broke the spell first, sitting back on the settee. “It is getting late. I know you had a busy day. I can meet you for lunch tomorrow?”
Alan looked at Robert as though he had grown a third head. “Are you mad? You can stay here, not in some hotel.”
“I guess the couch is comfortable enough. Are you sure It’s alright?”
Alan had a sudden desire for a New York winter. “Then it is settled, you can get your bags tomorrow.” He stood and walked back towards the bedroom.
Robert sat back and rested his head on the back of the settee. A few tears escaped. The emotional relief was overwhelming to him. He knew this was where he wanted to be and was willing to fight for it, not give up. But the fight had worn him out. He heard Alan’s soft foot falls returning and he covertly dried the escaped tears.
“Here are some night clothes.” He placed them on the cushion where he had previously been sitting. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower. Maybe we can watch something on the telly after?”
“Sounds good. I will get something to eat pulled together for dinner. What do you want to watch?”
Alan smirked. “Surprise me.” He turned and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Alan closed the bathroom door and sunk down to the floor. Robert was back. He never expected that. Not ever. He had misjudged Robert. Alan was mad at himself for not having the faith that Robert had had in them. He obviously missed something along the way. He had pushed Robert away as hard as anyone could possibly, and Robert still came back, Maybe he really does want this to work out for the long term. Alan, who had pushed and prodded to make Robert notice him, had lost the faith to believe in Robert. Alan pressed his eyes closed and tried to hold back the emotion that was threatening to escape.
Robert slowly walked into the kitchen. He looked down at his hands and noticed they were trembling. He took a few deep breaths and began to reacquaint himself with where everything was. He took out some crackers, cheese and fruit, trying to find enough to put on a plate, so that they both could eat a little something, even though he felt like he had a lead balloon in his stomach. The nerves had coiled in his stomach and seemed to get tighter and tighter. He rested his hand on the counter top and took a few more deep breaths. He repeated all the good things that had happened since he had arrived in England. Alan did not kick him out. They talked. He was still here. He knew it would take some time for them to re-adjust to each other. He just needed to get through the next few days as the shock wore off.
***
Alan stood and turned on the taps. He waited for the water to warm up and then stood in the cramped shower, closing his eyes and letting the water run down his back as he rested his head on one of the walls. He wanted to pinch himself so he knew this was all not a dream. Now that he had what he wanted, it scared the socks off him. How do you act when you have every wish fulfilled? It was a new feeling. Alan was too used to feeling a hole in his heart. It had appeared when his mum died. The hole she had left was still there, but it was smaller, Robert’s love filling up the empty places. He knew that he would always miss her, but now he felt like he had someone to cherish him. Alan wasn’t quite sure how he should act. He was nervous and tired, but he was also happier than he had been in a long time. He finished his wash up and turned off the taps, stepping out and drying off before slipping on a track suit.
Robert had quickly changed into the comfortable nightclothes and set a plate of food on the coffee table. He was bent over looking at Alan’s DVDs, trying to find something they could watch. His finger traced the spine of the first Pirates movie and he felt a small stab. They had tried twice and still had not made it through the whole movie. He noticed two and three sitting side by side as well. Someday they would try again and Robert felt sure that they would not make it again, and that was the best type of movie viewing.
“Bond?” Robert’s fingers hovered over Casino Royale and he looked behind him to see a freshly scrubbed Alan staring back.
“Sure.”
Robert stood, put the movie in, and sat back on the couch, Alan sitting down next to him, leaving a foot or so gap between them. He picked up the remote and handed it to Alan.
Alan let his fingers graze Robert’s briefly as he took the remote. He started the movie and set the reached over to get some food. He had not realized how hungry he was and could not recall the last time he ate. He leaned forward to pick up a piece of apple and cheese. His knee brushed Robert’s and he did not move it away. He sat back, watching the screen, but his attention was elsewhere. “Are you tired? How was the flight?” Alan fumbled with his words, trying to make small talk.
Robert turned his attention from Daniel Craig and turned to look at Alan, shifting his body so that he was turned, leaving their legs barely touching. He reached out his hand and laid it on Alan’s, not gripping or holding, just resting. “It was uneventful, nothing remarkable. I was in New York for just a day or so. House finished up taping…” Robert pressed his hand to his head, hoping that he could reign in his jumbled thoughts. “I guess two days ago, maybe three. The days seem to run together. I guess that happens when you are not working, but I think it also happens when I’m working...I’m sorry. I’m here babbling away, I think I am tired.”
“It’s good to hear your voice. Talk as long as you want.”
Robert squeezed Alan’s hand gently. He wanted to lean in and kiss him, curl up with him, but the frost was still around the edges and Robert wanted to give Alan a little adjustment time to get used to his whole world flipping around again. “Are you still filming QI?” Robert grabbed a cracker and used it as a way to stop talking.
“Yes. Just one more episode to go, then I have some time off. How long were you planning to stay?”
Robert’s face softened. This was what he had wanted to hear. He wanted to stay and make things right, he had to be back in Los Angles in 10 weeks and hoped he could stay right here with Alan. “Well, I only packed for a few days. I had no idea if I would be able to talk to you. But a short shopping spree and I can stay. Need to be back in about ten weeks, which is a long time, but we can see how things go, and have some…”
“I would like you to stay here,” Alan cut Robert off, smiling to reassure him. “We can play it by ear.” He laid his head back on the settee, head tiled towards Robert and closed his eyes.
“Maybe we should just call it a night? Sleep will do us both good. I am pretty tired, and you look really bushed.” Robert reached out and ghosted his fingers across Alan’s hair, letting them linger on a single curl.
Alan sat up, trying not to yawn. “Another good idea.” He stood and reached out a hand. “Come on, let’s go.”
“The couch, I thought…”
“No thinking, just come on. You need to be comfortable.” Alan bent down and turned off the movie. He reached out and pulled Robert to his feet, smiling at the warm hand in his.
“Are you shooting tomorrow?”
They turned to walk down the hall, fingers brushing as they made their way to the bedroom. “I have a few meetings, but not till noon or so. You can come…”
“Maybe. Can we...”
“Of course. Let’s sleep first.”
Robert walked over to what he considered his side and slipped under the sheets. He lay on his back, not quite sure what to do next.
Alan slid onto the other side, turning to look at Robert. He reached out, softly touching his cheek, fingers lingering over the skin. “Good night Robert, I’m glad you’re here.”
Robert’s eyes fluttered closed. "Night Alan. So am I, sleep well." Robert was nervous, but happier than he had ever thought he could be again. It was something he could get used to.
“There is a better than fair chance I will.” Alan switched off the light, but his brain was racing. He felt his very core shivering. This was uncharted territory and he hoped he had it in him, to invite Robert fully back. Robert was here, and that was a good start.
13.2 Cold Oatmeal