(no subject)
I JUST REALIZED [AGAIN] WHAT I HORRIBLE PERSON I AM
LITTLE PHILLY WAS KNOCKING ON MY BEDROOM DOOR AND WHEN I OPENED IT HE JUST GAVE ME A HUG AND ALL I COULD SAY WAS "PHILLIP NOT RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO BED"...CLOSE THE DOOR. FUCK ME I'M SUCH A GODDAMN FUCKING BITCH IM HORRIBLE
IN OTHER NEWS I HATE MY LIFE. IM READY FOR A CHANGE. SAD THING IS IS THAT THERE IS NO CHANGE BIG ENOUGH THAT WOULD EVER HELP ME AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL PURE DESPAIR. WHICH IN TURN MAKES ME FREQUENTLY WONDER ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH.
ONCE, A MAN TOLD ME THAT BEFORE BIRTH OUR SOULS CHOOSE OUR PATHS IN LIFE. WE ARE ALREADY, BUT IN SOUL FORM--WE CONCIOUSLY CHOOSE OUR FAMILIES--OUR MOTHERS, FATHERS, SIBLINGS-- WE CHOOSE OUR LIVES. WE MAKE THE DECISIONS FOR EVERYTHING.
THIS MAN WAS AN ASTROLOGIST. HE WAS THE MOST KIND AND GENTLE STRANGER I HAD EVER MET, WITH WHITE CURLY HAIR AND CRYSTAL BLUE EYES.
HE TOLD ME THIS MORE THAN 3 YEARS AGO AND HIS WORDS HAVE STAYED WITH ME FOR EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE SINCE.
THINKING ABOUT THOSE WORDS MAKES ME WALLOW UP WITH TEARS, EVERY GODDAMN TIME
BECAUSE I CANNOT CONCIEVE OF WHY I WOULD CHOOSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN.
AND THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME WONDER ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH, THE AFTERLIFE, THE BEFORELIFE, AND IT MAKES ME WONDER AND BELIEVE AT THE SAME TIME
BUT WHILE WE'RE STILL ON EARTH, IM SICK OF STAYING NEUTRAL AND KISSING ASS. IM SICK OF EVERYTHING. IM SICK OF MY PARENTS, WHO CLEARLY NEED TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
IM SICK OF ENDING EVERY NIGHT WITH TEARS AND PRAYERS THAT I AM STRONG. IM SICK OF DEEP DOWN INSIDE KNOWING TO INHERANTLY DOUBT EVERYTHING BECAUSE I WAS RAISED WITH THE FEAR OF GOD IN ME, THE FEAR OF GOD FOR MY PARENTS.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WAS NOT BORN THIS WAY.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M STARTING TO DESPERATELY SEARCH FOR A WAY OUT
AND I'M LEARNING THAT THERE IS NONE.
I MISS MY MICHAEL. HE IS THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO TREATS ME RIGHT AND HE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO LOVES ME REALLY LOVES ME
I AM SO MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM, WITHOUT HIM I HAVE NO ONE, NOT EVEN MYSELF
ASKSDFHKSJDFH AHHH IM SO TIRED AND I AM SO SICK
LITTLE PHILLY WAS KNOCKING ON MY BEDROOM DOOR AND WHEN I OPENED IT HE JUST GAVE ME A HUG AND ALL I COULD SAY WAS "PHILLIP NOT RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO BED"...CLOSE THE DOOR. FUCK ME I'M SUCH A GODDAMN FUCKING BITCH IM HORRIBLE
IN OTHER NEWS I HATE MY LIFE. IM READY FOR A CHANGE. SAD THING IS IS THAT THERE IS NO CHANGE BIG ENOUGH THAT WOULD EVER HELP ME AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL PURE DESPAIR. WHICH IN TURN MAKES ME FREQUENTLY WONDER ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH.
ONCE, A MAN TOLD ME THAT BEFORE BIRTH OUR SOULS CHOOSE OUR PATHS IN LIFE. WE ARE ALREADY, BUT IN SOUL FORM--WE CONCIOUSLY CHOOSE OUR FAMILIES--OUR MOTHERS, FATHERS, SIBLINGS-- WE CHOOSE OUR LIVES. WE MAKE THE DECISIONS FOR EVERYTHING.
THIS MAN WAS AN ASTROLOGIST. HE WAS THE MOST KIND AND GENTLE STRANGER I HAD EVER MET, WITH WHITE CURLY HAIR AND CRYSTAL BLUE EYES.
HE TOLD ME THIS MORE THAN 3 YEARS AGO AND HIS WORDS HAVE STAYED WITH ME FOR EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE SINCE.
THINKING ABOUT THOSE WORDS MAKES ME WALLOW UP WITH TEARS, EVERY GODDAMN TIME
BECAUSE I CANNOT CONCIEVE OF WHY I WOULD CHOOSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN.
AND THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME WONDER ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH, THE AFTERLIFE, THE BEFORELIFE, AND IT MAKES ME WONDER AND BELIEVE AT THE SAME TIME
BUT WHILE WE'RE STILL ON EARTH, IM SICK OF STAYING NEUTRAL AND KISSING ASS. IM SICK OF EVERYTHING. IM SICK OF MY PARENTS, WHO CLEARLY NEED TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
IM SICK OF ENDING EVERY NIGHT WITH TEARS AND PRAYERS THAT I AM STRONG. IM SICK OF DEEP DOWN INSIDE KNOWING TO INHERANTLY DOUBT EVERYTHING BECAUSE I WAS RAISED WITH THE FEAR OF GOD IN ME, THE FEAR OF GOD FOR MY PARENTS.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WAS NOT BORN THIS WAY.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M STARTING TO DESPERATELY SEARCH FOR A WAY OUT
AND I'M LEARNING THAT THERE IS NONE.
I MISS MY MICHAEL. HE IS THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO TREATS ME RIGHT AND HE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO LOVES ME REALLY LOVES ME
I AM SO MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM, WITHOUT HIM I HAVE NO ONE, NOT EVEN MYSELF
ASKSDFHKSJDFH AHHH IM SO TIRED AND I AM SO SICK