Yeah, I posted this in my regular LJ but thought I'd post it here too.
There are OotP spoilers in it, so you've been duly warned.
And special thinks to Mouse for the title and a whole lotta folks for encouraging me to write this. ;) By the way, the bad writing is intentional. ;)
Oh, and it hasn't been betad at all. It's just a first draft and I hope to sit on it a day or so and then get back to it to fix it up. Enjoy!
Harry Potter and the Rack of Doom
A Spoof by Teri Marisu...er...TeriG.
(Based on a stress related dream that made me wake up laughing my head off)
Slowly and silently three figures made their way down the dark hall, the only light illuminating from the tip of Harry's wand, the sounds of battle behind them. After Harry came Teri Marisu, a beautiful and shapely witch and powerful Seer who had been the focus of the battle. Voldemort wanted her...for what purpose Harry didn't know, but he wasn't about to hand her over easily either. He and Remus Lupin, who made up the third person and rearguard, were trying to smuggle her out of the building before Voldemort's Death Eaters, led by Lucius Malfoy, recently escaped from Azkaban, could ambush them. And Harry was sure they'd be ambushed just as soon as a few of the Death Eaters could separate themselves from battle.
The hallway ended abruptly and as Harry peeked around the corner, he noticed it opened up into a wide room. It was very dark so he wasn't sure just how big the room was, or even if there was a way out, and he decided to risk a bit more light. Harry thrust his wand into the room and uttered a spell to and in a flash he could see there was another hallway that lead out of the room. The room was also fairly large, like a massive ballroom, with huge crystal chandeliers. He took it all in, and then turned to whisper instructions to his two companions.
As he turned, the soft light of his wand fell on Teri's perfect oval face that was framed by wisps of long auburn curls. Harry was always dazzled by her beauty and she was the source of many of this school boy's fantasy dreams at night. The House Elves must dread going into the 6th year boy's dorm every morning. She had pretty grey eyes with dark, thick lashes , full pouty lips and a little blush to her cheeks that enhanced her youthful looks. She had quite a figure too, and Harry couldn't help but gaze at her well endowed bosom. Remus too seemed to be lost in it and looked at her with much the same expression Harry was sure he wore when looking at her himself. She gave Harry a knowing smile showing perfect white teeth that would have made Gilderoy Lockhart envious.
Harry came back to the present, remembering they were in peril and had to get Teri out of the building fast.
"Look," he whispered. "There's a hallway across from this one. We'll make for that. I'm going to have to provide some light so you can see it, but we should make it pretty quickly. Remus and Teri nodded their understanding...well, Teri looked at Harry when she nodded. Remus just looked at Teri's breasts and nodded.
"Okay," Harry turned back to the ballroom. "NOW!" and he flared up his wand's light and the three ran for the opposing hallway.
Just as the three of them got halfway across the ballroom, two figures emerged from the opposing hallway and as Harry skidded to a stop, with Teri smacking into the back of him, knocking him forward onto the ground with the force of her chest, he heard "Expelliarmus". Harry heard Teri exclaim "Oh my!" and Lupin grunt as he hit the ground with the force of the spell. When Harry ooked up, the lights of the ballroom flared and he looked into the very smug face of Lucius Malfoy who had Lupin's and Teri's wands in is hands. Harry heard a maniacal laugh and another spell which, when Harry looked, had Remus tied tightly to a chair. Harry, looked back and saw Bellatrix Lestrange giggling like the nutter she was, pointing her wand first at Remus ad then at Harry.
"Can I stun 'em?" she giggled, pointing her wand at Harry.
"No," Lucius said, casually. "Not yet anyway."
Harry quickly got to his feet and pointed his wand at Lucius.
"Ah, ah, ah, Potter," the blond haired Death Eater said. "I've got the advantage here. Bellatrix has been itching to curse someone to death here, and I see she's now got her wand trained on your dear werewolf friend, Remus. Now, you were responsible for Sirius Black's death, would you like Remus Lupin's on your head too?"
"No, don't kill Remus!" Teri begged.
Harry hesitated.
"I thought not," Lucius continued. "Now, you know what we want. Just hand over the girl here and we'll be off. No need to cause more death than necessary."
"As if you'd care," Harry fumed.
"Well, you have a point there. I really don't care."
"I'll go with you," Teri said, breathlessly, heaving her bosom. "Just don't kill Remus!"
"No! Don't go with him!" Remus shouted.
"Oooh, can I stun him?" Bellatrix started jumping up and down excitedly, waving her wand in Lupin's direction.
"No, not YET," Lucius rolled his eyes, then looked at Harry. "You cannot fight us both at the same time, Potter, so give me what I want and you and that thing," he waved a hand at Remus, "can go."
Teri took a step towards Lucius, looking apologetically at Harry. "I'm sorry, Harry..." she started to say.
Suddenly, comprehension dawned on Harry.
"Wait a minute," he said.
Everyone turned to look at him.
"What?" Lucius said, his hand halfway out to take Teri's outstretched one.
"She's a Seer." Harry said, simply.
"Yeah, so?" Lucius said. "I know that."
"That's why you want her."
"Well, DUH!" Bellatrix said.
"You want her to recreate the prophesy that Neville dropped last year. Well, you can forget it. She's not going with you." At that Harry moved in front of Teri to keep her from going any further.
"What?" Lucius said, looking puzzled. "You can't do that."
"I just did." Harry crossed his arms in front of him.
"Harry..." Teri started.
"No, forget it. You're not going with him. It's not going to happen."
"Well, I'll just have to kill your friend there," Lucius stated. "Bella..."
"I can stun him?" Bella asked.
"Yes, even better you can kill him!"
"NO!" Teri begged, desperately.
"Well, if you want him to live, hand over the girl."
"No. Go ahead, kill him. There will be casualties in war. I understand that now, but you can't have the Seer."
"WHAT!?" Lucius, Teri, Remus said together.
"Can I...?"Bellatrix started.
"NOT YET" the other three hollered very quickly.
"Okay, Potter, I want to make sure you are clear on this. You would rather we kill Lupin here than take Teri off your hands?" Lucius said, carefully.
"Yes," Harry said. "She can't go with you. There are only TWO people in the world who know that prophesy in its entirety and there is no way on God's Green Earth I'm letting a Seer go off with you, Malfoy, to be used by Voldemort." At the sound of the Dark Lord's name, Lucius cringed.
Bellatrix looked a bit lost and pouted. "But, that's not the way it's supposed to happen. We're supposed to get the girl because Harry wants to save his friend," she whined.
Lucius rolled his eyes. "Great, now he's messing with the plot of this silly story!"
Teri, who was still behind Harry, put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Harry, don't worry. As per the Mary Sue plot I will give a prophesy that would be easy for Voldemort to misinterpret as a way for him to defeat you. He won't get an edge at all."
Harry wasn't convinced at all, and said firmly, "You know, in the end, it's all about ME! And I'm not going to let anyone give that old bastard an edge. I don't care how exciting it is. So, no one is going anywhere and I'm going to nail anyone who tries to take her."
"Nonono, Harry, trust me, I'm especially constructed to win the day for you," Teri tried to explain.
Harry turned to face Teri. "No way, I win the day. ME...memememememememe. Deal with it. You are NOT going anywhere."
Bellatrix, then pointed her wand at Harry. "Can I stun 'im?"
Lucius turned on his sister-in-law and fiercely replied, "Would you just shut up with that! No you can't stun him."
Bellatrix pouted again, "You never let me have any fun."
Lucius was not impressed by any of this. "You had fun the last time and look where that got us!" he shot at his sister-in-law.
Then the Death Eater turned to Harry who was looking at him steadily again. "Look, Potter, this is the deal. In this story, I get the girl, bring her back to Voldemort after she shags me senseless. Don't look so shocked! I'm a nasty son of a bitch and cheat on my wife regularly. Then she will give him a prophesy that will sound like he's being given a means or information on how to destroy you but it will be a cleverly worded thing to mean the exact opposite. Voldemort will make several serious mistakes, aided by yours truly, and in the end, you will kill him, I will end up in Azkaban, dead or worse, but still totally satiated by this lovely woman, so it will be worth it but in the end, she will die a dramatic and heart wrenching death, you will be a hero and all will be well. This step is needed so the author can live out her fantasy of being powerful in a magic that is deemed to be desperately needed, to shag me silly and make you look like a total powerless boob. She does realise you are the hero of the story in the end, but wants her glory day. I'm sure she's shagged Snape too, but yes, like you I don't want to think about that."
"Yeah, I got to shag everyone above 18 years of age." Teri sighed, wistfully.
Suddenly, Remus spoke out. "Actually, Harry, that's about right."
Harry remained stubborn. "I don't care, no way, you can't have her."
Lucius sighed, obviously exasperated. "Potter, you are being a silly boy and being difficult. This is going nowhere. Let me have the girl so we can get on with this ridiculous plot. I promise you, you will, in the end, do in Voldemort. Trust me, it's the plot line of all fantasies. Good will win over Evil. It's just how we get there that's important at the moment and you are stalling things."
"Harry, he's right. It's okay, you can let her go. Trust me, all that shagging alone will dull Lucius's wits," Lupin said, trying to move himself in the chair closer to Harry.
"No way," Harry said, resolutely.
Lucius, by now was really exasperated, "How in the name of God am I supposed to do my sexy evil guy thing if this stupid boy doesn't cooperate."
Bellatrix suddenly said, pointing her wand at Lupin, "Can I stun 'em?".
"SHUT UP! Good Lord I'm surrounded by idiots" Lucius cried looking up at the ceiling of the ballroom.
A hissing voice suddenly could be heard behind Lucius. "No, I'm surrounded by idiots." Voldemort materialised as if from thin air.
By now Lucius had his head in one hand and shook it in frustration. "Great, this is just fucking great. I told that old loon to stay back in that mouldy old Muggle hovel he calls a headquarters."
"Nonsense, Lucius, I'm practically invincible. No one can hurt me!" Voldemort said, smugly.
Lucuis looked up, his hand now on his hip and said not looking at anyone specifically, "Look, Voldemort, you're not fucking Sauron, and this isn't The Lord of the Rings. You can easily be killed off with a curse like the rest of us. Get back and let me continue my role as inept and ineffectual right hand man as I've been assigned in this bloody plot! Besides, it's not good for you to be here, because Potter could just up and kill you. That wouldn't be a good plan because it would be anticlimactic. Sirius's death was as exciting and dramatic as watching the flobberworm life cycle and we can't have the same thing happen to you. A lot of readers would be very pissed off."
Bellatrix then yelled "Can I stun 'em?" once more and Lucius in exasperation pointed his wand at her and yelled "I said, shut the fuck up you loony old bat," and stunned her.
"Um, hello, guys? What am I supposed to do?" Teri piped up after casually watching Lucius stun his sister-in-law.
It was then that Voldemort noticed her, a smile playing on his thin lips. "So, Lucius, you like that one, eh?" Lucius gave Voldemort a dirty look, "Can we just get on with it," he said, but Voldemort laughed softly and said with a leer, "Can't blame you, check out the tits on that one."
Teri smiled seductively "Yes, who needs a wand to stun men when I've got these babies," she said patting her gravity defying, oversized boobs.
Voldemort was very impressed and didn't mind saying so as he stared openly at the weapon Teri held on her chest. Lucius by this point was tremendously impatient and heatedly told Voldemort that he should go back to the house, leave everything for him and he'd be back as soon as he could. "And take that," he pointed at Bellatrix with his wand, "with you!" Voldemort shrugged and then disappeared, taking the stunned Death Eater witch with him.
Harry watched the whole exchange in shocked surprise.
Lucius, who took on a business tone, confronted Harry. "Look, Potter, you will get to fight Voldemort and at this point, the way things are going, I'm going to make sure you win because these idiots are really ruining my image."
Harry, still shocked, looked from Lucius to Teri who was gazing at the blond Death Eater with interest.
"So, I'm just going to take the girl and we'll meet again, I'm sure," Lucuis continued and held out his hand for Teri.
Teri passed by Harry and took Lucius's hand.. Once she was beside him, he let her hand go and opened up his robes, but held them up so Harry couldn't see what he was hiding.
Lucius looked at Teri's lovely face and said politely, "Just grab hold of this, my dear."
Teri looked down, her eyes widening in surprise "Oh Mr. Malfoy, you turned that into a port key?" She said in a breathy voice, giggled and stepped close to Malfoy making some kind of motion and the two disappeared.
Harry was left alone with Remus.
Harry, still staring ahead of him, said quietly "Remus?"
"Yeah, Harry?"
"What just happened here?"
"Well, looks like Lucius not only got the girl, but got a hand job in the process. Lucky bastard."
"Does she really have boobs that can stun?"
"Well, they sure as hell stunned me. I'm quite impressed."
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing."
Harry heard a thunk after a few moments of silence.
"Um, Harry?"
"Yeah, Remus."
"Some help here?"
"Oh yeah, sure. Sorry about that."
The end
I'm hoping to have more creative stuff going soon. I always say that, but with my stress levels these days, being creative is keeping me from screaming like a nutbar.
And special thinks to Mouse for the title and a whole lotta folks for encouraging me to write this. ;) By the way, the bad writing is intentional. ;)
Oh, and it hasn't been betad at all. It's just a first draft and I hope to sit on it a day or so and then get back to it to fix it up. Enjoy!
Harry Potter and the Rack of Doom
A Spoof by Teri Marisu...er...TeriG.
(Based on a stress related dream that made me wake up laughing my head off)
Slowly and silently three figures made their way down the dark hall, the only light illuminating from the tip of Harry's wand, the sounds of battle behind them. After Harry came Teri Marisu, a beautiful and shapely witch and powerful Seer who had been the focus of the battle. Voldemort wanted her...for what purpose Harry didn't know, but he wasn't about to hand her over easily either. He and Remus Lupin, who made up the third person and rearguard, were trying to smuggle her out of the building before Voldemort's Death Eaters, led by Lucius Malfoy, recently escaped from Azkaban, could ambush them. And Harry was sure they'd be ambushed just as soon as a few of the Death Eaters could separate themselves from battle.
The hallway ended abruptly and as Harry peeked around the corner, he noticed it opened up into a wide room. It was very dark so he wasn't sure just how big the room was, or even if there was a way out, and he decided to risk a bit more light. Harry thrust his wand into the room and uttered a spell to and in a flash he could see there was another hallway that lead out of the room. The room was also fairly large, like a massive ballroom, with huge crystal chandeliers. He took it all in, and then turned to whisper instructions to his two companions.
As he turned, the soft light of his wand fell on Teri's perfect oval face that was framed by wisps of long auburn curls. Harry was always dazzled by her beauty and she was the source of many of this school boy's fantasy dreams at night. The House Elves must dread going into the 6th year boy's dorm every morning. She had pretty grey eyes with dark, thick lashes , full pouty lips and a little blush to her cheeks that enhanced her youthful looks. She had quite a figure too, and Harry couldn't help but gaze at her well endowed bosom. Remus too seemed to be lost in it and looked at her with much the same expression Harry was sure he wore when looking at her himself. She gave Harry a knowing smile showing perfect white teeth that would have made Gilderoy Lockhart envious.
Harry came back to the present, remembering they were in peril and had to get Teri out of the building fast.
"Look," he whispered. "There's a hallway across from this one. We'll make for that. I'm going to have to provide some light so you can see it, but we should make it pretty quickly. Remus and Teri nodded their understanding...well, Teri looked at Harry when she nodded. Remus just looked at Teri's breasts and nodded.
"Okay," Harry turned back to the ballroom. "NOW!" and he flared up his wand's light and the three ran for the opposing hallway.
Just as the three of them got halfway across the ballroom, two figures emerged from the opposing hallway and as Harry skidded to a stop, with Teri smacking into the back of him, knocking him forward onto the ground with the force of her chest, he heard "Expelliarmus". Harry heard Teri exclaim "Oh my!" and Lupin grunt as he hit the ground with the force of the spell. When Harry ooked up, the lights of the ballroom flared and he looked into the very smug face of Lucius Malfoy who had Lupin's and Teri's wands in is hands. Harry heard a maniacal laugh and another spell which, when Harry looked, had Remus tied tightly to a chair. Harry, looked back and saw Bellatrix Lestrange giggling like the nutter she was, pointing her wand first at Remus ad then at Harry.
"Can I stun 'em?" she giggled, pointing her wand at Harry.
"No," Lucius said, casually. "Not yet anyway."
Harry quickly got to his feet and pointed his wand at Lucius.
"Ah, ah, ah, Potter," the blond haired Death Eater said. "I've got the advantage here. Bellatrix has been itching to curse someone to death here, and I see she's now got her wand trained on your dear werewolf friend, Remus. Now, you were responsible for Sirius Black's death, would you like Remus Lupin's on your head too?"
"No, don't kill Remus!" Teri begged.
Harry hesitated.
"I thought not," Lucius continued. "Now, you know what we want. Just hand over the girl here and we'll be off. No need to cause more death than necessary."
"As if you'd care," Harry fumed.
"Well, you have a point there. I really don't care."
"I'll go with you," Teri said, breathlessly, heaving her bosom. "Just don't kill Remus!"
"No! Don't go with him!" Remus shouted.
"Oooh, can I stun him?" Bellatrix started jumping up and down excitedly, waving her wand in Lupin's direction.
"No, not YET," Lucius rolled his eyes, then looked at Harry. "You cannot fight us both at the same time, Potter, so give me what I want and you and that thing," he waved a hand at Remus, "can go."
Teri took a step towards Lucius, looking apologetically at Harry. "I'm sorry, Harry..." she started to say.
Suddenly, comprehension dawned on Harry.
"Wait a minute," he said.
Everyone turned to look at him.
"What?" Lucius said, his hand halfway out to take Teri's outstretched one.
"She's a Seer." Harry said, simply.
"Yeah, so?" Lucius said. "I know that."
"That's why you want her."
"Well, DUH!" Bellatrix said.
"You want her to recreate the prophesy that Neville dropped last year. Well, you can forget it. She's not going with you." At that Harry moved in front of Teri to keep her from going any further.
"What?" Lucius said, looking puzzled. "You can't do that."
"I just did." Harry crossed his arms in front of him.
"Harry..." Teri started.
"No, forget it. You're not going with him. It's not going to happen."
"Well, I'll just have to kill your friend there," Lucius stated. "Bella..."
"I can stun him?" Bella asked.
"Yes, even better you can kill him!"
"NO!" Teri begged, desperately.
"Well, if you want him to live, hand over the girl."
"No. Go ahead, kill him. There will be casualties in war. I understand that now, but you can't have the Seer."
"WHAT!?" Lucius, Teri, Remus said together.
"Can I...?"Bellatrix started.
"NOT YET" the other three hollered very quickly.
"Okay, Potter, I want to make sure you are clear on this. You would rather we kill Lupin here than take Teri off your hands?" Lucius said, carefully.
"Yes," Harry said. "She can't go with you. There are only TWO people in the world who know that prophesy in its entirety and there is no way on God's Green Earth I'm letting a Seer go off with you, Malfoy, to be used by Voldemort." At the sound of the Dark Lord's name, Lucius cringed.
Bellatrix looked a bit lost and pouted. "But, that's not the way it's supposed to happen. We're supposed to get the girl because Harry wants to save his friend," she whined.
Lucius rolled his eyes. "Great, now he's messing with the plot of this silly story!"
Teri, who was still behind Harry, put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Harry, don't worry. As per the Mary Sue plot I will give a prophesy that would be easy for Voldemort to misinterpret as a way for him to defeat you. He won't get an edge at all."
Harry wasn't convinced at all, and said firmly, "You know, in the end, it's all about ME! And I'm not going to let anyone give that old bastard an edge. I don't care how exciting it is. So, no one is going anywhere and I'm going to nail anyone who tries to take her."
"Nonono, Harry, trust me, I'm especially constructed to win the day for you," Teri tried to explain.
Harry turned to face Teri. "No way, I win the day. ME...memememememememe. Deal with it. You are NOT going anywhere."
Bellatrix, then pointed her wand at Harry. "Can I stun 'im?"
Lucius turned on his sister-in-law and fiercely replied, "Would you just shut up with that! No you can't stun him."
Bellatrix pouted again, "You never let me have any fun."
Lucius was not impressed by any of this. "You had fun the last time and look where that got us!" he shot at his sister-in-law.
Then the Death Eater turned to Harry who was looking at him steadily again. "Look, Potter, this is the deal. In this story, I get the girl, bring her back to Voldemort after she shags me senseless. Don't look so shocked! I'm a nasty son of a bitch and cheat on my wife regularly. Then she will give him a prophesy that will sound like he's being given a means or information on how to destroy you but it will be a cleverly worded thing to mean the exact opposite. Voldemort will make several serious mistakes, aided by yours truly, and in the end, you will kill him, I will end up in Azkaban, dead or worse, but still totally satiated by this lovely woman, so it will be worth it but in the end, she will die a dramatic and heart wrenching death, you will be a hero and all will be well. This step is needed so the author can live out her fantasy of being powerful in a magic that is deemed to be desperately needed, to shag me silly and make you look like a total powerless boob. She does realise you are the hero of the story in the end, but wants her glory day. I'm sure she's shagged Snape too, but yes, like you I don't want to think about that."
"Yeah, I got to shag everyone above 18 years of age." Teri sighed, wistfully.
Suddenly, Remus spoke out. "Actually, Harry, that's about right."
Harry remained stubborn. "I don't care, no way, you can't have her."
Lucius sighed, obviously exasperated. "Potter, you are being a silly boy and being difficult. This is going nowhere. Let me have the girl so we can get on with this ridiculous plot. I promise you, you will, in the end, do in Voldemort. Trust me, it's the plot line of all fantasies. Good will win over Evil. It's just how we get there that's important at the moment and you are stalling things."
"Harry, he's right. It's okay, you can let her go. Trust me, all that shagging alone will dull Lucius's wits," Lupin said, trying to move himself in the chair closer to Harry.
"No way," Harry said, resolutely.
Lucius, by now was really exasperated, "How in the name of God am I supposed to do my sexy evil guy thing if this stupid boy doesn't cooperate."
Bellatrix suddenly said, pointing her wand at Lupin, "Can I stun 'em?".
"SHUT UP! Good Lord I'm surrounded by idiots" Lucius cried looking up at the ceiling of the ballroom.
A hissing voice suddenly could be heard behind Lucius. "No, I'm surrounded by idiots." Voldemort materialised as if from thin air.
By now Lucius had his head in one hand and shook it in frustration. "Great, this is just fucking great. I told that old loon to stay back in that mouldy old Muggle hovel he calls a headquarters."
"Nonsense, Lucius, I'm practically invincible. No one can hurt me!" Voldemort said, smugly.
Lucuis looked up, his hand now on his hip and said not looking at anyone specifically, "Look, Voldemort, you're not fucking Sauron, and this isn't The Lord of the Rings. You can easily be killed off with a curse like the rest of us. Get back and let me continue my role as inept and ineffectual right hand man as I've been assigned in this bloody plot! Besides, it's not good for you to be here, because Potter could just up and kill you. That wouldn't be a good plan because it would be anticlimactic. Sirius's death was as exciting and dramatic as watching the flobberworm life cycle and we can't have the same thing happen to you. A lot of readers would be very pissed off."
Bellatrix then yelled "Can I stun 'em?" once more and Lucius in exasperation pointed his wand at her and yelled "I said, shut the fuck up you loony old bat," and stunned her.
"Um, hello, guys? What am I supposed to do?" Teri piped up after casually watching Lucius stun his sister-in-law.
It was then that Voldemort noticed her, a smile playing on his thin lips. "So, Lucius, you like that one, eh?" Lucius gave Voldemort a dirty look, "Can we just get on with it," he said, but Voldemort laughed softly and said with a leer, "Can't blame you, check out the tits on that one."
Teri smiled seductively "Yes, who needs a wand to stun men when I've got these babies," she said patting her gravity defying, oversized boobs.
Voldemort was very impressed and didn't mind saying so as he stared openly at the weapon Teri held on her chest. Lucius by this point was tremendously impatient and heatedly told Voldemort that he should go back to the house, leave everything for him and he'd be back as soon as he could. "And take that," he pointed at Bellatrix with his wand, "with you!" Voldemort shrugged and then disappeared, taking the stunned Death Eater witch with him.
Harry watched the whole exchange in shocked surprise.
Lucius, who took on a business tone, confronted Harry. "Look, Potter, you will get to fight Voldemort and at this point, the way things are going, I'm going to make sure you win because these idiots are really ruining my image."
Harry, still shocked, looked from Lucius to Teri who was gazing at the blond Death Eater with interest.
"So, I'm just going to take the girl and we'll meet again, I'm sure," Lucuis continued and held out his hand for Teri.
Teri passed by Harry and took Lucius's hand.. Once she was beside him, he let her hand go and opened up his robes, but held them up so Harry couldn't see what he was hiding.
Lucius looked at Teri's lovely face and said politely, "Just grab hold of this, my dear."
Teri looked down, her eyes widening in surprise "Oh Mr. Malfoy, you turned that into a port key?" She said in a breathy voice, giggled and stepped close to Malfoy making some kind of motion and the two disappeared.
Harry was left alone with Remus.
Harry, still staring ahead of him, said quietly "Remus?"
"Yeah, Harry?"
"What just happened here?"
"Well, looks like Lucius not only got the girl, but got a hand job in the process. Lucky bastard."
"Does she really have boobs that can stun?"
"Well, they sure as hell stunned me. I'm quite impressed."
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing."
Harry heard a thunk after a few moments of silence.
"Um, Harry?"
"Yeah, Remus."
"Some help here?"
"Oh yeah, sure. Sorry about that."
The end
I'm hoping to have more creative stuff going soon. I always say that, but with my stress levels these days, being creative is keeping me from screaming like a nutbar.