(no subject)
I do not know why anything is the way that it is. I used to be so arrogantly certain of things, and now as what I used to believe was my own knowledge and insight is gradually proven to be nothing more than the misinformed assumptions of a proud idiot I have foolishly begun to hate existence.
A friend who has (despite all reason) remained in my life for many, many years reminds me of my own humanity from time to time, and for that I am greatful.
Last night was I able to have some real fun for the first time in what seems like a very very long time. Why? I think it's because I let myself stop deconstructing the entire situation.
I am forever deconstructing, looking for the fault lines and the problems that lie just below the surface of every situation. The problem with this method, I have discovered, is that there are infinite fault lines and infinite problems the deeper you look.
I 'want' a perfect life. That's ridiculous. To want is selfish, and thus self-defeating. Nobody gets to have a perfect life.
If I could resign myself to this fact and simply relearn how to enjoy myself and this world in which I find myself without allowing myself to harm others in the process then I wouldn't post such hateful entries here.
Moreover, I would no longer be the snot-nosed 11-year-old in the third row who shouts out [what he believes to be] the secrets to magician's tricks during the magician's show - to the annoyance of all and the betterment of no one.
A friend who has (despite all reason) remained in my life for many, many years reminds me of my own humanity from time to time, and for that I am greatful.
Last night was I able to have some real fun for the first time in what seems like a very very long time. Why? I think it's because I let myself stop deconstructing the entire situation.
I am forever deconstructing, looking for the fault lines and the problems that lie just below the surface of every situation. The problem with this method, I have discovered, is that there are infinite fault lines and infinite problems the deeper you look.
I 'want' a perfect life. That's ridiculous. To want is selfish, and thus self-defeating. Nobody gets to have a perfect life.
If I could resign myself to this fact and simply relearn how to enjoy myself and this world in which I find myself without allowing myself to harm others in the process then I wouldn't post such hateful entries here.
Moreover, I would no longer be the snot-nosed 11-year-old in the third row who shouts out [what he believes to be] the secrets to magician's tricks during the magician's show - to the annoyance of all and the betterment of no one.