can it
Managing ego. Managing selfishness.
A significant portion of this journal seems to have been written when I am particularly self-centered, which I suppose is fine since it is my own personal journal. Were I to decide to write Firefly fanfics on here, that's my prerogative.
However, it pains me to see how low I allow myself to sink into the oblivion of self. It's embarrassing; akin to posting my triglyceride count (except that's pretty low, so maybe something more like my senior-year college transcript).
See the Great ZG! Crying over the prospect of love lost! Waa. See him planning out his cunning strategy to keep his pale, bloated ego well-fed with self-affirming romantic ties.
There are men and women and children dying of cold and hunger a few thousand feet from where I sit comfortably in my warm little room.
Tragedy befalls all of us. It strikes us equally and with wanton disregard of personal station.
We must acknowledge it for what it is and pay it due respect, but we must acknowledge its inherent necessity to the fabric of our universe.
Paradise is built of a wall of opposites.
My brothers and sisters, love is all/everywhere.
All this being said:
WHY DOES SHE KEEP WANTING TO TALK TO ME NOW THAT SHE ALREADY DECIDED TO BREAK UP????
Can we please let go of this failed attempt at a life-long love? She wants a formal closing for our relationship. Like a funeral. Those were the words she used. She doesn't want to go months and months without seeing or hearing from me.
Perhaps she is afraid of letting go of me even though she doesn't want/need me because she's afraid nobody else will love her as much as I do.
She'll learn - there are lots of guys who will love her just as much and love her *better* than I ever could.
And there are lots more guys who will be more than willing to use and abuse the shit out of her and leave her a broken shell of a human being.
Regardless - if it takes her being away from what she had to recognize what she had, so be it. I've been down this road before with her many times and I'm not going to waste more of my life on it.
Yes, I have given up on us. There - it's official.
Welcome to the big show: You're on!
A significant portion of this journal seems to have been written when I am particularly self-centered, which I suppose is fine since it is my own personal journal. Were I to decide to write Firefly fanfics on here, that's my prerogative.
However, it pains me to see how low I allow myself to sink into the oblivion of self. It's embarrassing; akin to posting my triglyceride count (except that's pretty low, so maybe something more like my senior-year college transcript).
See the Great ZG! Crying over the prospect of love lost! Waa. See him planning out his cunning strategy to keep his pale, bloated ego well-fed with self-affirming romantic ties.
There are men and women and children dying of cold and hunger a few thousand feet from where I sit comfortably in my warm little room.
Tragedy befalls all of us. It strikes us equally and with wanton disregard of personal station.
We must acknowledge it for what it is and pay it due respect, but we must acknowledge its inherent necessity to the fabric of our universe.
Paradise is built of a wall of opposites.
My brothers and sisters, love is all/everywhere.
All this being said:
WHY DOES SHE KEEP WANTING TO TALK TO ME NOW THAT SHE ALREADY DECIDED TO BREAK UP????
Can we please let go of this failed attempt at a life-long love? She wants a formal closing for our relationship. Like a funeral. Those were the words she used. She doesn't want to go months and months without seeing or hearing from me.
Perhaps she is afraid of letting go of me even though she doesn't want/need me because she's afraid nobody else will love her as much as I do.
She'll learn - there are lots of guys who will love her just as much and love her *better* than I ever could.
And there are lots more guys who will be more than willing to use and abuse the shit out of her and leave her a broken shell of a human being.
Regardless - if it takes her being away from what she had to recognize what she had, so be it. I've been down this road before with her many times and I'm not going to waste more of my life on it.
Yes, I have given up on us. There - it's official.
Welcome to the big show: You're on!