Everything's Sine.
It's difficult for me to do pretty much anything. I am perceived as the eternal optimist by most because I have chosen to have all others perceive me as such. At the same time, just yesterday I seriously considered the potential merits (both physical and artistic) of simultaneously discharging both my .357 and my .40 pistols into my head at the same time - with the barrels pointed as closely at each other as possible.
It was only an idle thought over a cigarillo after lunch.
I have no knowledge of any of my previous births floating up to the surface of my present consciousness to enlighten me, and there are times when it seems that even I am not fooled by my overconfidences.
It troubles me that all of my happiness is based on my interpersonal relationships, and indeed all of my interpersonal relationships are based on my happiness.
It troubles me that Earth is less significant of the entire known universe than a single muscle fiber attached to my left tibia is significant of the entire phylum chordata (not to mention class, order, family, genus, specie, individual that I myself am.)
It troubles me that I am troubled, because it is in my being troubled that I allow myself to be troubled.
Life seems so meaningless and pointless, and in fact it is. Yet, it is no more meaningless and pointless than the rest of it all, and therefore just as worthy, true, and meaningful.
I desire to make music (to what end?) I desire to be with a woman and create a family (to what end?)
All songs fade from memory, and the more well-known they are, the more they are hated. All men must die; how can I be so selfish as to bring a child into this world of shit?
I am only comforted by two facts:
1.) Everything is the way that it is because everything is the way that it was, and
2.) Conservation of energy; if I make a ripple (for good or ill), it will never end but instead reverberate throughout creation and manifest itself eternally.
Ironically, these two facts contradict each other in their support of one another. I can't 'make' or 'do' anything, I'll simply react as I must based on what occurs, yet the tantalizing idea of choice is infinitely approaching all the time.
Time does not exist. Free will does not exist. Existence does not exist.
Have no fear.
It was only an idle thought over a cigarillo after lunch.
I have no knowledge of any of my previous births floating up to the surface of my present consciousness to enlighten me, and there are times when it seems that even I am not fooled by my overconfidences.
It troubles me that all of my happiness is based on my interpersonal relationships, and indeed all of my interpersonal relationships are based on my happiness.
It troubles me that Earth is less significant of the entire known universe than a single muscle fiber attached to my left tibia is significant of the entire phylum chordata (not to mention class, order, family, genus, specie, individual that I myself am.)
It troubles me that I am troubled, because it is in my being troubled that I allow myself to be troubled.
Life seems so meaningless and pointless, and in fact it is. Yet, it is no more meaningless and pointless than the rest of it all, and therefore just as worthy, true, and meaningful.
I desire to make music (to what end?) I desire to be with a woman and create a family (to what end?)
All songs fade from memory, and the more well-known they are, the more they are hated. All men must die; how can I be so selfish as to bring a child into this world of shit?
I am only comforted by two facts:
1.) Everything is the way that it is because everything is the way that it was, and
2.) Conservation of energy; if I make a ripple (for good or ill), it will never end but instead reverberate throughout creation and manifest itself eternally.
Ironically, these two facts contradict each other in their support of one another. I can't 'make' or 'do' anything, I'll simply react as I must based on what occurs, yet the tantalizing idea of choice is infinitely approaching all the time.
Time does not exist. Free will does not exist. Existence does not exist.
Have no fear.