of the latest.
considering the happy vibe i'm on right now, no one would actually notice that i am in seriously deep badness.
well...i've not been going home. i only do to change/get clothes. i sent the baby to his psychotic grandmother, as i had no other choice. WHY?
because once again, the curse of my birthday has struck.
You will remember that i NEVER have happy birthdays. This one was no different.
I spent my very last peso, just so I could prepare a feast for my loved-ones. I even let my dad cook. For the record, I've not tasted my dad's cooking in 3 years. I only had enough money to go to work, no money at all to even eat. I even accumulated about 1000 pesos worth of debt, just to accomodate the feast. I wanted us to eat extremely good food in large portions, so we could be gluttons for a day without having to worry about people not being able to eat, because there wasn't enough.
this is my way of saying thank you to the people who help me get through each day.
You can imagine my surprise when the church congregation descended upon us in one fell swoop and ate everything in sight. Specifically, my dad's spaghetti, and the special roast pork that he made.
i did not invite these people, nor was i expecting them. this was supposed to be a family affair. Auntie Bem swears that she only invited her sister and the pastor, but considering how offended she was, that she wouldn't even invite us to eat the next day, i'm guessing she invited all those people.
i was pissed off. I have every right to be pissed off. ANd this is what pissed me off even more.
Since she didn't invite us to eat, I have no assurance that she'll feed my kid, while I'm out. So I decided to have Mark take him home. I had to swallow my pride and ask her where she put the baby's jacket, as it was raining.
She did not answer. Did she not care for my kid's wellbeing, at all?
and so, we all left. My stuff is still there, and considering the fact that I can't stay with Mark at their house, I have nowhere to go. I've been getting my stuff and sleeping at the office.
THe part I hate most is that I miss my son so much. I only get to visit when Mark's psycho mom is not around.
It was the last straw for me. They've been taking too much advantage, lately. I did not come home on my birthday, because Mark was going to treat me. They still celebrated it, and I had to pay for it. I did not have money on the baby's birthday, and was not planning to go out that day, since I had already planned the celebration that coming saturday, but since Auntie Bem wanted to go out, she had to give me some serious guilt trip, so i was eventually forced to go out.
THe Kicker? We were on our way home. she insisted I buy the baby a cake. I was forced into goldilocks since Red Ribbon was too expensive. I had already picked a half roll that i liked, and Auntie said "Wag yan. GUSTO KO yung Chocolate."
WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE? HERS? and she didn't want the half roll, she INSISTED on THE WHOLE. ANd she wanted ICE CREAM TO GO WITH IT, despite my showing her that i only had 300 pesos left, which i needed, to go to work.
My fault is that I have problems saying no. It has always been my #1 fault/flaw. AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT, AND THEY KEEP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT.
sure, i have a little money now, thanks to MArk. He's been surprisingly...able to help. but i'll be almost destitute, until the 10th, which is this Friday.
It's surprising that I never really have NO MONEY. God always makes a way and provides me with means to get by, so while I admit that it's been a hellish week that looks like it'll continue indefinitely, since I have no other means, or a place to live, I'm still okay. I can still smile, and about the only thing that really makes me sad is that I'm apart from my son.
There was a time when this sort of crap would've broken me. if this happened last year, along with all the other crap that happened, it would've been too much.
But I trust in God. And no matter how bad it is now, I'm hoping for, in the very least, a happy christmas.
...........
By the way, I admit my mistakes. I believe with the crap last year, Glen would've explained my side, already. to be sure, there is only one other thing.
You manipulate people to gain something. I have nothing to gain and the world to lose by fighting with you. WHY IN THE NINE HELLS WOULD I FIGHT WITH YOU?
but you've washed your hands off me. It's okay. no hard feelings. I'll just remember the good.
the only unpleasant thing between us is whatever happened last year. 5 years of something good is more than enough.
I'm happy and i feel blessed that I met you. I'll never hate you or think about what psychosis we've been through. I'll remember the happy things, and hope for the best, for you and the people you love.
For all our differences, we may have argued, but I am not, and never will be your enemy. Not that making an enemy of me really matters, i'm too easygoing for things like that. and let's admit it. i control nothing that could ever affect you adversely.
.............
going back to my current crisis, i think, more or less, the reason why i'm okay right now, despite this impossible situation in my life, is because i know it can only be better, after this.
GOd cares enough to provide for my every need. I sweat, I sleep and eat. I am able to care for people, and people care for me, even in the smallest measures. Some people take horrendous advantage of me, Some people love me enough to take care of me. I have means to get by. I'm not that badly off, despite not having a home.
And even that, I believe God will help me fix. through my own sweat, not through marrying some poor dolt. Through my own efforts, not by just taking from people who are willing to give.
God forbid I ever become one of those nasty people who only think of others as victims to exploit/take advantage of.
so yeah. holding on. doing my best to be strong. still fighting. still alive.
that's me.
well...i've not been going home. i only do to change/get clothes. i sent the baby to his psychotic grandmother, as i had no other choice. WHY?
because once again, the curse of my birthday has struck.
You will remember that i NEVER have happy birthdays. This one was no different.
I spent my very last peso, just so I could prepare a feast for my loved-ones. I even let my dad cook. For the record, I've not tasted my dad's cooking in 3 years. I only had enough money to go to work, no money at all to even eat. I even accumulated about 1000 pesos worth of debt, just to accomodate the feast. I wanted us to eat extremely good food in large portions, so we could be gluttons for a day without having to worry about people not being able to eat, because there wasn't enough.
this is my way of saying thank you to the people who help me get through each day.
You can imagine my surprise when the church congregation descended upon us in one fell swoop and ate everything in sight. Specifically, my dad's spaghetti, and the special roast pork that he made.
i did not invite these people, nor was i expecting them. this was supposed to be a family affair. Auntie Bem swears that she only invited her sister and the pastor, but considering how offended she was, that she wouldn't even invite us to eat the next day, i'm guessing she invited all those people.
i was pissed off. I have every right to be pissed off. ANd this is what pissed me off even more.
Since she didn't invite us to eat, I have no assurance that she'll feed my kid, while I'm out. So I decided to have Mark take him home. I had to swallow my pride and ask her where she put the baby's jacket, as it was raining.
She did not answer. Did she not care for my kid's wellbeing, at all?
and so, we all left. My stuff is still there, and considering the fact that I can't stay with Mark at their house, I have nowhere to go. I've been getting my stuff and sleeping at the office.
THe part I hate most is that I miss my son so much. I only get to visit when Mark's psycho mom is not around.
It was the last straw for me. They've been taking too much advantage, lately. I did not come home on my birthday, because Mark was going to treat me. They still celebrated it, and I had to pay for it. I did not have money on the baby's birthday, and was not planning to go out that day, since I had already planned the celebration that coming saturday, but since Auntie Bem wanted to go out, she had to give me some serious guilt trip, so i was eventually forced to go out.
THe Kicker? We were on our way home. she insisted I buy the baby a cake. I was forced into goldilocks since Red Ribbon was too expensive. I had already picked a half roll that i liked, and Auntie said "Wag yan. GUSTO KO yung Chocolate."
WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE? HERS? and she didn't want the half roll, she INSISTED on THE WHOLE. ANd she wanted ICE CREAM TO GO WITH IT, despite my showing her that i only had 300 pesos left, which i needed, to go to work.
My fault is that I have problems saying no. It has always been my #1 fault/flaw. AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT, AND THEY KEEP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT.
sure, i have a little money now, thanks to MArk. He's been surprisingly...able to help. but i'll be almost destitute, until the 10th, which is this Friday.
It's surprising that I never really have NO MONEY. God always makes a way and provides me with means to get by, so while I admit that it's been a hellish week that looks like it'll continue indefinitely, since I have no other means, or a place to live, I'm still okay. I can still smile, and about the only thing that really makes me sad is that I'm apart from my son.
There was a time when this sort of crap would've broken me. if this happened last year, along with all the other crap that happened, it would've been too much.
But I trust in God. And no matter how bad it is now, I'm hoping for, in the very least, a happy christmas.
...........
By the way, I admit my mistakes. I believe with the crap last year, Glen would've explained my side, already. to be sure, there is only one other thing.
You manipulate people to gain something. I have nothing to gain and the world to lose by fighting with you. WHY IN THE NINE HELLS WOULD I FIGHT WITH YOU?
but you've washed your hands off me. It's okay. no hard feelings. I'll just remember the good.
the only unpleasant thing between us is whatever happened last year. 5 years of something good is more than enough.
I'm happy and i feel blessed that I met you. I'll never hate you or think about what psychosis we've been through. I'll remember the happy things, and hope for the best, for you and the people you love.
For all our differences, we may have argued, but I am not, and never will be your enemy. Not that making an enemy of me really matters, i'm too easygoing for things like that. and let's admit it. i control nothing that could ever affect you adversely.
.............
going back to my current crisis, i think, more or less, the reason why i'm okay right now, despite this impossible situation in my life, is because i know it can only be better, after this.
GOd cares enough to provide for my every need. I sweat, I sleep and eat. I am able to care for people, and people care for me, even in the smallest measures. Some people take horrendous advantage of me, Some people love me enough to take care of me. I have means to get by. I'm not that badly off, despite not having a home.
And even that, I believe God will help me fix. through my own sweat, not through marrying some poor dolt. Through my own efforts, not by just taking from people who are willing to give.
God forbid I ever become one of those nasty people who only think of others as victims to exploit/take advantage of.
so yeah. holding on. doing my best to be strong. still fighting. still alive.
that's me.