Arrr!
That pirate party that I was so excited about turned out to be a little boring.
I guess the memory of the Friday before was still fresh in the collective mind of my little cliche of fags. We decided that we shouldn't get too drunk, but being morons, we didn't get drunk enough.
We arrived at the party and we all kept exchanging uncomfortable glances - we all suspected that we were a little too sober. We tried to correct this with vast quantities of "pirate punch," but it was a difficult process.
Dustin was there with his dealer and I vaguely recall telling him that he reminded me of Stella Luna - I'm not sure how he reacted.
There was also an extremely hot boy, an alledged Ford Model. I didn't believe this since he was too short, but I did walk up to him and say, "Your look is fierce." He didn't get it. I was mildly horrified that he had not memorized every word that ever passed the lips of Tyra Banks.
Eventually dancing turned into hooking up. Normally, I would be a part of this, but Kevin (who cannot hold his alcohol - this means something when I say it) kept moaning like were fucking everytime I tried to touch him. At first I liked how vocal he was in the bedroom, but this quickly turned to embarassment as I learned he was just as loud everywhere else.
Frustrated, I suggested that we go out onto the porch to "get some air."
A cop car drove by. "Oh look a cop," I said. Kevin casually turned his head and then screamed at the top of his lungs, 'FUCK YOU, PIG!"
The passing squad car came to a screaching hault.
Oh shit.
I told him we'd better get inside.
Inside, I told him that we were leaving and that he should take off his easily recognizable pirate shirt and put on my black blazer. He did. I told Whit and the others that we were leaving - they decided that now would be a good time to make their exit as well.
Just as we were trying to leave, the music stopped and the lights came on. The seniors who organize these parties made this big announcement that they were getting shut down because "some retard" had screamed at a cop. Everyone was pissed.
We retreated to Philly Diner to watch Kevin wallow in embarassment.
After that, we went back to Van Pelt and broke into the film studies lounge. We decided that it would be a good idea to start watching "Dangerous Liasions" at 3 in the morning. After all, what exhausted drunk doesn't want to try to comprehend the riddles of back-stabbing French aristocrates. A few minutes into the movie, the group of fags paired off and started making out quietly on various pieces of furniture. Kevin and I were assigned to some enormous beanbag chair. I was actually really excited - the entire situation reminded me of the episode of Full House were DJ gets invited to Gia's makeout party. I have never really engaged in "wholesome" sexual activity, and since the bodies writhing in the dark closely resembled Full House, I figured this was the closest I would ever get. Yet once again, Kevin was too loud. I laid my hand in his chest and from the noise he made you would have though I had just started fucking him. I tried a couple more times, but to no avail. Around 4 am, I gave up and headed back to the Quad with Kevin in tow. I felt like a mother bringing her uncontrollable child home early from a play group.
Of course, Kevin and went back to his room, but we collapsed. I guess the $30 bottle of lube we bought last weekend will have to wait.
The next day, the seniors sent out this mass email to all the Penn fags telling them what a big deal it was that they got shut down.
Kevin is now a wanted man.
I guess the memory of the Friday before was still fresh in the collective mind of my little cliche of fags. We decided that we shouldn't get too drunk, but being morons, we didn't get drunk enough.
We arrived at the party and we all kept exchanging uncomfortable glances - we all suspected that we were a little too sober. We tried to correct this with vast quantities of "pirate punch," but it was a difficult process.
Dustin was there with his dealer and I vaguely recall telling him that he reminded me of Stella Luna - I'm not sure how he reacted.
There was also an extremely hot boy, an alledged Ford Model. I didn't believe this since he was too short, but I did walk up to him and say, "Your look is fierce." He didn't get it. I was mildly horrified that he had not memorized every word that ever passed the lips of Tyra Banks.
Eventually dancing turned into hooking up. Normally, I would be a part of this, but Kevin (who cannot hold his alcohol - this means something when I say it) kept moaning like were fucking everytime I tried to touch him. At first I liked how vocal he was in the bedroom, but this quickly turned to embarassment as I learned he was just as loud everywhere else.
Frustrated, I suggested that we go out onto the porch to "get some air."
A cop car drove by. "Oh look a cop," I said. Kevin casually turned his head and then screamed at the top of his lungs, 'FUCK YOU, PIG!"
The passing squad car came to a screaching hault.
Oh shit.
I told him we'd better get inside.
Inside, I told him that we were leaving and that he should take off his easily recognizable pirate shirt and put on my black blazer. He did. I told Whit and the others that we were leaving - they decided that now would be a good time to make their exit as well.
Just as we were trying to leave, the music stopped and the lights came on. The seniors who organize these parties made this big announcement that they were getting shut down because "some retard" had screamed at a cop. Everyone was pissed.
We retreated to Philly Diner to watch Kevin wallow in embarassment.
After that, we went back to Van Pelt and broke into the film studies lounge. We decided that it would be a good idea to start watching "Dangerous Liasions" at 3 in the morning. After all, what exhausted drunk doesn't want to try to comprehend the riddles of back-stabbing French aristocrates. A few minutes into the movie, the group of fags paired off and started making out quietly on various pieces of furniture. Kevin and I were assigned to some enormous beanbag chair. I was actually really excited - the entire situation reminded me of the episode of Full House were DJ gets invited to Gia's makeout party. I have never really engaged in "wholesome" sexual activity, and since the bodies writhing in the dark closely resembled Full House, I figured this was the closest I would ever get. Yet once again, Kevin was too loud. I laid my hand in his chest and from the noise he made you would have though I had just started fucking him. I tried a couple more times, but to no avail. Around 4 am, I gave up and headed back to the Quad with Kevin in tow. I felt like a mother bringing her uncontrollable child home early from a play group.
Of course, Kevin and went back to his room, but we collapsed. I guess the $30 bottle of lube we bought last weekend will have to wait.
The next day, the seniors sent out this mass email to all the Penn fags telling them what a big deal it was that they got shut down.
Kevin is now a wanted man.