Birthday fic for nemo_88!!!!
Title: “Your Voice Ringing in My Ears”
Author: evie_0
Pairing/Characters: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 2,510
Rating: PG-13
Summary: set about a month or so after the breakup (maybe a little longer), a kind of introspective look into Logan and Veronica’s thoughts after the breakup.
Spoilers: up to 3x12
Warnings: This is written rather vaguely and sort of stream-of-conscious style, so if that’s not your sort of thing…
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me.
A/N: The Title and Lyrics are from the song “Make You Smile” by Plus 44, the song is a sort of conversation type duet, and I tried to follow that style with the fic, meaning that this piece switches back and forth between Logan and Veronica’s POV, which might be a little confusing since I’m not particularly clear on who’s who. If it helps, it starts with Logan…
This fic is my birthday gift for nemo_88 (I know it’s early, but since I’m going away I figured a day early would be better than 5 days late )
Huge thanks go to earth2mars and afrocurl for extremely fast last minute beta job, you’re both absolute life saver’s you wonderful, wonderful people
The last time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't see you with the sun shining in my eyes)
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
(I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway)
I see you from across the room, the smile falling from your lips as you notice me and your pale hair swaying as you swiftly turn away, but not before I see the disappointment and the pain that clouds your features at the sight of my face.
You are the only one who ever truly knew me, and you’re walking away. I could feel you slipping away even as you smiled and told me that everything was fine. I could feel you stepping away from me, even as you stood in my arms. I could feel it all disintegrating even as I clutched all of our love so tightly in my palm.
You alone hold my heart, but you don’t even seem to care. This love I feel is a chains around your soul and I am just a burden, an obstacle in your search for the perfect life and all that the world owes you
I never meant to hold you down, hold you back. I just thought that maybe we could fly away together, but you simply say that my love breaks your wings and you need to fly alone, you need to leave me behind because I only drag you down.
I still see you around. I try to hold my ground but I’m slipping and I’m falling when you look my way, and then just look away.
And I think that I would try to convince you that I truly am sorry, if I believed that it would change a single thing. If I could believe that you could change your mind; if I thought that there could ever be chance for you and me. But I’m just so sick of feeling like I can’t be enough for you - that I can’t be the one you want.
I never wanted to be the one who loves more, but I could never be the one to love less.
The last time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
The way you lean against the wall, just the simple lines of your body, evoke a sensation so sweet it’s sharp. The fluid grace with which you move, with which you laugh, the reasons that I love you are so clearly defined as you stand before me. All your strengths, all your weakness, all the ways that you love life. You have your guards, your walls, but to me you are so exposed. And I wish that I could tell you that your vulnerability is your strength. That the ease with which you bleed is the only weapon you could ever need.
But instead I just watch you from across the room as I am bombarded by shards of memory from a time we’ve now lost. Kisses now faded, promises long jaded and we each stand alone.
I watch you and I feel the scream building from deep inside my soul. You were the one who told me that we were forever yet you were the one who walked away. You were the one that named us epic, and then you slept with the girl who symbolizes the destruction of my life as I knew it so many years ago. You said that I could never give you enough, but you never wanted what I could give you, you never believed enough that I was truly there.
You could never accept that there are places in my soul that are simply there for me and me alone. My passion is a fire that you stoke well, a garden to which you lovingly tend. My mind is a maze that you tell me you can’t navigate, and I can’t tell you which way to go because I can’t remember where I put the map.
But ah, my heart; my heart is a secret box, a box with a key that was lost long ago. Sometimes I almost believed you would be the one to help me find it, but that hope has died numerous deaths-with the cruel words from a boy taped to the flagpole to the words of a girl with venom lacing her sugary tone.
So I try to move on, but I feel you watch me as I try to forget you, and I can still feel your hands upon my skin; fingertips tracing words of love, your hot mouth following their progress. Nights in the dark where I lost everything but you, when nothing else existed but the way you made me feel and the only sounds that existed were our breathing as we drowned in each other.
And now I carry your ghost around, you drag me down but I just can’t leave you in the ground.
The first time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes)
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
(I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ)
I spend my days wishing for a future with only you, only us, but could we forget about my past? About yours? About ours? Could we forget the scars that are all that remain as proof of a life spent in purgatory? Could we forget the pain we bled at each others hands? Could you see me and not see all the ghosts of the past standing in your way? Could I see you and not see you running away?
Could we go back and be the people we once thought we’d always be; full of life, full of love, full of laughter that flowed like champagne on summer nights, eyes that smiled always and friends that swore forever.
Can we go back to a time before innocence was lost by a girl who thought she was a woman, a naïve Lolita who paid the price as her life pooled out across the cement.
Before innocence was lost by a girl in the tangled sheets of a stranger’s bed, by the hands of someone she called a friend. Lost and never found no matter how hard you looked, how hard you tried to pretend.
Innocence lost through good intentions and blind devotion. Lost at the hands of man filled with rage and justifications, a man who only knew how to lie and a mother who didn’t know how to love enough. Lost through the betrayal of the people who were supposed to protect, the people who were supposed to stand beside me, supposed to love me and supposed to stay.
Could we be the people we were supposed to be? Whole and clean and happy, fragile edges all intact as we stand together against the world? Is it possible to forget that we were once these lost children and paint a new picture - a picture of what we want to be? A picture where fathers never betrayed our trust, where mothers never leave us because they aren’t strong enough to love us. A world where you never had to wake up and know the true meaning of hate, and I never had to know the true human capacity for betrayal.
Could we start again, fresh and new, no scars upon our skin (upon our souls), no marks upon our hearts that show just how much we’ve seen? Could we make a world where we have never been touched by the true cruelty that exists within the human heart, that black void where we’ve each stood so close to the edge we almost fell through.
The first time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
Half asleep, I tattoo your name upon my skin and I watch the markings run, let the ink bleed through my flesh; let your love run through my veins. I carve the letters upon my heart, in a place that you can never see. My love for you is secret, a secret that cannot be shared. The strength of it grows daily, in a way that I cannot show, in a way that you can never know. The deep red love slips through my fingers as I offer you my heart and you can’t even see me.
And I wish that we could make this work, because in spite of what you feel, you know me in a way that is deeper than any other soul on this earth. But, maybe because we know each other so well, we know all the buttons to push, know where all the sore spots lie and we can’t leave the past far enough behind to let go of the old instincts. A single word is a trigger and instantly I am on the attack, our armors are up and ready for battle. Sometimes I wish that there were a world where we would love without the memory of nights that cannot be recalled, of words that sliced our hearts and shredded souls. I want to leave it all behind, but you can never understand how deeply those wounds still bleed. So deeply that your every action seems somehow suspect, no matter how hard I try to forget those days of war.
I know that I am the reason that I don’t have you, but I can’t look at you without seeing her cruel smile. I can’t imagine kissing you without wondering if the taste of her still lingers upon your lips. And the thought won’t leave my mind that you knew exactly what you were doing, that you did it to spite me. I know it’s irrational, but my old friend logic seems to have failed me in my hour of need.
And so I try to let you go. I walk away from you and pretend that I truly believe that this is all for the best. But your sad eyes haunt me, your tears fell and you were blinded to mine. I watch you and I want you, but I can’t bring myself to make those first steps back towards you.
I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while
I saw each playful smile and every tear you shed. And yet in the end it seems like all of that meant nothing. Everything about us feels so unfinished.
I missed you again last night, while I lay alone in my empty room. I dreamed of your skin, I tasted your moans. It all felt so real yet when I woke I was alone.
Most days I don’t need you, most nights I don’t ache at the sound of your name, but the pain is fresh when I listen to the songs with the words I wish you felt, when I realize that when I picture a future, I still picture you.
I miss the way the way we slept, when we fit together so perfectly. Our bodies felt like lost pieces of the same puzzle as you lay in my arms, but now I am just a missing piece alone. I miss the line of your clavicle, that curve of your skin where throat met shoulder, the way your breath would catch as my lips grazed your flesh. Your soft moans echo in my mind, and try as I might, I can’t leave you behind. I miss the softness in your face when you slept, completely peaceful and at ease.
I let Dick drag me from the darkness of my room, but even in the sunshine I find myself looking for you. I miss all the plans we never made, all the memories we never got to live. I hear your voice even when you’re nowhere near; I think I see you from the corner of my eye. You haunt me and I can’t leave you behind.
The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
(The next time you see me, I'll turn away)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night,
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
I still feel the ghost of your arms around me while I lay here and try to sleep and I wonder if you feel the emptiness where I should be. Or is that space already filled? Have you found some new friend to share your bed now that I’m gone? It’s that thought that causes me so much pain.
I fill my days with anything but thoughts of you, but you remain stubbornly on the edges of my mind. I’m finding it so hard to forget your smile, the sighs you made as lips found flesh, and the love that lived in your eyes as you looked at me. The things that we shared, the days that I cried, the ways that we cared and the ways that we lied to each other - to ourselves.
I know that I should let you go, know that all that you want is more than I have, but when I see you across campus, in the next aisle, standing on the sand, all that I can think is that you are meant to be with me.
I wish that I could forget you. Just turn my back and walk away for good. But your smile haunts my memories, I hear you voice within my mind; a running commentary on my life until I think that I’m going insane. I try to move forward, to put you in the past, but I can’t leave you behind because you have become a part of me.
I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while
It starts when our eyes meet and hold from across a room, and we acknowledge that it won’t be long now. The ice is melting and the warm breeze hints of promises to come, kisses that will burn and then fade away again into the hazy places deep inside our souls. The past will repeat and start at the beginning.
And the circle shifts and the sands fall, but we are oblivious to the change in seasons because we both know it won’t be long now until we begin again.
Author: evie_0
Pairing/Characters: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 2,510
Rating: PG-13
Summary: set about a month or so after the breakup (maybe a little longer), a kind of introspective look into Logan and Veronica’s thoughts after the breakup.
Spoilers: up to 3x12
Warnings: This is written rather vaguely and sort of stream-of-conscious style, so if that’s not your sort of thing…
Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me.
A/N: The Title and Lyrics are from the song “Make You Smile” by Plus 44, the song is a sort of conversation type duet, and I tried to follow that style with the fic, meaning that this piece switches back and forth between Logan and Veronica’s POV, which might be a little confusing since I’m not particularly clear on who’s who. If it helps, it starts with Logan…
This fic is my birthday gift for nemo_88 (I know it’s early, but since I’m going away I figured a day early would be better than 5 days late )
Huge thanks go to earth2mars and afrocurl for extremely fast last minute beta job, you’re both absolute life saver’s you wonderful, wonderful people
The last time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't see you with the sun shining in my eyes)
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
(I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway)
I see you from across the room, the smile falling from your lips as you notice me and your pale hair swaying as you swiftly turn away, but not before I see the disappointment and the pain that clouds your features at the sight of my face.
You are the only one who ever truly knew me, and you’re walking away. I could feel you slipping away even as you smiled and told me that everything was fine. I could feel you stepping away from me, even as you stood in my arms. I could feel it all disintegrating even as I clutched all of our love so tightly in my palm.
You alone hold my heart, but you don’t even seem to care. This love I feel is a chains around your soul and I am just a burden, an obstacle in your search for the perfect life and all that the world owes you
I never meant to hold you down, hold you back. I just thought that maybe we could fly away together, but you simply say that my love breaks your wings and you need to fly alone, you need to leave me behind because I only drag you down.
I still see you around. I try to hold my ground but I’m slipping and I’m falling when you look my way, and then just look away.
And I think that I would try to convince you that I truly am sorry, if I believed that it would change a single thing. If I could believe that you could change your mind; if I thought that there could ever be chance for you and me. But I’m just so sick of feeling like I can’t be enough for you - that I can’t be the one you want.
I never wanted to be the one who loves more, but I could never be the one to love less.
The last time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
The way you lean against the wall, just the simple lines of your body, evoke a sensation so sweet it’s sharp. The fluid grace with which you move, with which you laugh, the reasons that I love you are so clearly defined as you stand before me. All your strengths, all your weakness, all the ways that you love life. You have your guards, your walls, but to me you are so exposed. And I wish that I could tell you that your vulnerability is your strength. That the ease with which you bleed is the only weapon you could ever need.
But instead I just watch you from across the room as I am bombarded by shards of memory from a time we’ve now lost. Kisses now faded, promises long jaded and we each stand alone.
I watch you and I feel the scream building from deep inside my soul. You were the one who told me that we were forever yet you were the one who walked away. You were the one that named us epic, and then you slept with the girl who symbolizes the destruction of my life as I knew it so many years ago. You said that I could never give you enough, but you never wanted what I could give you, you never believed enough that I was truly there.
You could never accept that there are places in my soul that are simply there for me and me alone. My passion is a fire that you stoke well, a garden to which you lovingly tend. My mind is a maze that you tell me you can’t navigate, and I can’t tell you which way to go because I can’t remember where I put the map.
But ah, my heart; my heart is a secret box, a box with a key that was lost long ago. Sometimes I almost believed you would be the one to help me find it, but that hope has died numerous deaths-with the cruel words from a boy taped to the flagpole to the words of a girl with venom lacing her sugary tone.
So I try to move on, but I feel you watch me as I try to forget you, and I can still feel your hands upon my skin; fingertips tracing words of love, your hot mouth following their progress. Nights in the dark where I lost everything but you, when nothing else existed but the way you made me feel and the only sounds that existed were our breathing as we drowned in each other.
And now I carry your ghost around, you drag me down but I just can’t leave you in the ground.
The first time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes)
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
(I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ)
I spend my days wishing for a future with only you, only us, but could we forget about my past? About yours? About ours? Could we forget the scars that are all that remain as proof of a life spent in purgatory? Could we forget the pain we bled at each others hands? Could you see me and not see all the ghosts of the past standing in your way? Could I see you and not see you running away?
Could we go back and be the people we once thought we’d always be; full of life, full of love, full of laughter that flowed like champagne on summer nights, eyes that smiled always and friends that swore forever.
Can we go back to a time before innocence was lost by a girl who thought she was a woman, a naïve Lolita who paid the price as her life pooled out across the cement.
Before innocence was lost by a girl in the tangled sheets of a stranger’s bed, by the hands of someone she called a friend. Lost and never found no matter how hard you looked, how hard you tried to pretend.
Innocence lost through good intentions and blind devotion. Lost at the hands of man filled with rage and justifications, a man who only knew how to lie and a mother who didn’t know how to love enough. Lost through the betrayal of the people who were supposed to protect, the people who were supposed to stand beside me, supposed to love me and supposed to stay.
Could we be the people we were supposed to be? Whole and clean and happy, fragile edges all intact as we stand together against the world? Is it possible to forget that we were once these lost children and paint a new picture - a picture of what we want to be? A picture where fathers never betrayed our trust, where mothers never leave us because they aren’t strong enough to love us. A world where you never had to wake up and know the true meaning of hate, and I never had to know the true human capacity for betrayal.
Could we start again, fresh and new, no scars upon our skin (upon our souls), no marks upon our hearts that show just how much we’ve seen? Could we make a world where we have never been touched by the true cruelty that exists within the human heart, that black void where we’ve each stood so close to the edge we almost fell through.
The first time I saw you, you turned away
(I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
Half asleep, I tattoo your name upon my skin and I watch the markings run, let the ink bleed through my flesh; let your love run through my veins. I carve the letters upon my heart, in a place that you can never see. My love for you is secret, a secret that cannot be shared. The strength of it grows daily, in a way that I cannot show, in a way that you can never know. The deep red love slips through my fingers as I offer you my heart and you can’t even see me.
And I wish that we could make this work, because in spite of what you feel, you know me in a way that is deeper than any other soul on this earth. But, maybe because we know each other so well, we know all the buttons to push, know where all the sore spots lie and we can’t leave the past far enough behind to let go of the old instincts. A single word is a trigger and instantly I am on the attack, our armors are up and ready for battle. Sometimes I wish that there were a world where we would love without the memory of nights that cannot be recalled, of words that sliced our hearts and shredded souls. I want to leave it all behind, but you can never understand how deeply those wounds still bleed. So deeply that your every action seems somehow suspect, no matter how hard I try to forget those days of war.
I know that I am the reason that I don’t have you, but I can’t look at you without seeing her cruel smile. I can’t imagine kissing you without wondering if the taste of her still lingers upon your lips. And the thought won’t leave my mind that you knew exactly what you were doing, that you did it to spite me. I know it’s irrational, but my old friend logic seems to have failed me in my hour of need.
And so I try to let you go. I walk away from you and pretend that I truly believe that this is all for the best. But your sad eyes haunt me, your tears fell and you were blinded to mine. I watch you and I want you, but I can’t bring myself to make those first steps back towards you.
I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while
I saw each playful smile and every tear you shed. And yet in the end it seems like all of that meant nothing. Everything about us feels so unfinished.
I missed you again last night, while I lay alone in my empty room. I dreamed of your skin, I tasted your moans. It all felt so real yet when I woke I was alone.
Most days I don’t need you, most nights I don’t ache at the sound of your name, but the pain is fresh when I listen to the songs with the words I wish you felt, when I realize that when I picture a future, I still picture you.
I miss the way the way we slept, when we fit together so perfectly. Our bodies felt like lost pieces of the same puzzle as you lay in my arms, but now I am just a missing piece alone. I miss the line of your clavicle, that curve of your skin where throat met shoulder, the way your breath would catch as my lips grazed your flesh. Your soft moans echo in my mind, and try as I might, I can’t leave you behind. I miss the softness in your face when you slept, completely peaceful and at ease.
I let Dick drag me from the darkness of my room, but even in the sunshine I find myself looking for you. I miss all the plans we never made, all the memories we never got to live. I hear your voice even when you’re nowhere near; I think I see you from the corner of my eye. You haunt me and I can’t leave you behind.
The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
(The next time you see me, I'll turn away)
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night,
(I couldn't feel you, you are always so far away)
I still feel the ghost of your arms around me while I lay here and try to sleep and I wonder if you feel the emptiness where I should be. Or is that space already filled? Have you found some new friend to share your bed now that I’m gone? It’s that thought that causes me so much pain.
I fill my days with anything but thoughts of you, but you remain stubbornly on the edges of my mind. I’m finding it so hard to forget your smile, the sighs you made as lips found flesh, and the love that lived in your eyes as you looked at me. The things that we shared, the days that I cried, the ways that we cared and the ways that we lied to each other - to ourselves.
I know that I should let you go, know that all that you want is more than I have, but when I see you across campus, in the next aisle, standing on the sand, all that I can think is that you are meant to be with me.
I wish that I could forget you. Just turn my back and walk away for good. But your smile haunts my memories, I hear you voice within my mind; a running commentary on my life until I think that I’m going insane. I try to move forward, to put you in the past, but I can’t leave you behind because you have become a part of me.
I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while
It starts when our eyes meet and hold from across a room, and we acknowledge that it won’t be long now. The ice is melting and the warm breeze hints of promises to come, kisses that will burn and then fade away again into the hazy places deep inside our souls. The past will repeat and start at the beginning.
And the circle shifts and the sands fall, but we are oblivious to the change in seasons because we both know it won’t be long now until we begin again.